(Warning this is a picture heavy post)
Well, our precious little girl is now 1 year old! I can not believe how fast time has flown. Just a short year ago (actually 13 months ago now) I received a message that would change the lives of my family forever. My husband, Derek, and I sat back and reflected on those events the other day together. Just remembering the frantic phone call to an adoption attorney and domestic adoption agency - we had to COMPLETELY switch gears after all as everything we had done over the proceeding year had been in prep for an International adoption and now we were pursuing a domestic one - and how nervous we really were about everything. How we couldn't even believe that we were being offered a baby and that I would be seeing/meeting the birth mom (and our unborn baby girl via ultrasound!) just one short day after speaking to her on the phone. Less than 2 weeks later we would literally be holding our baby girl in our arms. This is the kind of thing that t.v. movies are made of, but that you don't actually experience in the real world yet this was our life! We could not have imagined anything more incredible - not then at least.
I think this is the first time I have ever shared pics! I hope you enjoy :)
(Gabrielle was 1 week old in this picture :)
(at a couple of weeks old with big brother Maxwell)
(Gabrielle last Easter - she was about 1 and a 1/2 months old)
(about 5 months at Kings Island watching her brothers ride the big roller coasters ;)
(Gabby at about 8 months old)
(9 months old - Costume Parade in our neighborhood park)
(10 months old - Thanksgiving with Daddy!)
(11 months old - Christmas day with mommy - me! :)
Holding her "my first birthday" chalk board art that is all about her! :)
(with 2 of her older brothers on her birthday)
(This is my favorite picture of her - she is such an angel!!)
Here we are now 13 months and 4 days since watching our baby girl enter this world. I think I speak for my entire family when I say that we really continue to be amazed every day. First of all, Gabrielle is just an amazing little thing! She has my husband, my boys, and yes - even me, tightly wrapped around those perfect stubby little fingers :) She brings such life and laughter and joy to our home. She clearly knows and loves all of us. That in its self has become a little bit of a problem when it comes time to leave her in the church nursery - she clearly has a preference for who she stays and plays with!! On a serious note, though, watching her grow and develop over this last year has really just been a miracle. We continue to maintain a great relationship with her birth mom, Michelle (Auntie M). Auntie M came to Gabby's 1st birthday party as did all of Gabby's aunts and uncles and nieces and nephews. It was such an incredible time of celebrating her amazing little life!
I sometimes get lost in thought about the path God has led us down. Often I think about how things could have played out so differently. I shudder to think about if we had not listened, if Auntie M had changed her mind, if our mutual friend who originally contacted us had not done so because of her own insecurities or fears. Gabrielle belongs to this family. She was made for this family and our God knew that even as he knit her in her mother's womb - that I firmly believe. What it took to get her to her family, though, was all the people God nudged to do their part had to listen to that "still small voice" and do what they knew in their hearts they were meant to do. Thank God that for this story that is exactly what happened!
Just about a week after Gabrielle turned one I got a call from our International adoption agency checking on how things have been going with Gabby and also reminding us that our immigration status is about to expire. This is only important if we would like to continue forward now with the China adoption Continue on? I need to decide that now? It just doesn't feel like it has been that long at all! Clearly, though, it has. I can honestly tell you that Derek and I don't have an answer - still - for if we think we should pursue our China adoption. My heart screams, "YES!!", but my head says we have so much to consider. We have petitioned our friends to pray about it for us and have gone before God day after day in prayer looking for a "sign" or an answer as to how and if we are to proceed.
Part of the difficulty for me has been figuring out exactly where another little girl would fit into our family at this time. When we started down this road our plan was to adopt a toddler from China from between 18 months to about 3 years old. With our youngest son at 5 years old at the time we felt like this would be a good gap between the siblings and we honestly just were not planning to "start over" with an infant. Then came God's plan and our perfect little angel, Gabrielle. Now we look at everything and think, "where does our little Chinese ladybug fit in this family now? Do we wait until Gabby is 3 and then start looking at adding a younger sister in behind her? The girls would be so close in age then...almost twins. Unless we waited several more years. I wasn't so sure that sounded like something we wanted to do. How would that affect Gabby in 2+ years when we bring another toddler girl into her world and family? Would it be just like it was for the boys? Maybe this would be a whole new dynamic since we are looking at adding another girl?
In trying to make a decision with how to move forward we have certainly been seeking the Lord in prayer and looking for anything that He might use to help direct our path and decision making. The biggest thing we have looming ahead of us that is forcing our hands at this time is that pesky immigration status. What that means is that in order to stay "current" and be able to continue pursuing our Chinese daughter (should we chose to do so) we needed to update our home study and then apply for an extension of our immigration status. If we do not so that and decided months or years down the road that we want to start pursuing a China adoption again it would mean many many additional fees and processes that doing it now will help us to avoid. While there are still fees and processes to "renew" everything they are substantially less. It has been a struggle to figure out if we should invest the money to continue on (on top of thousands that already have been). I mean what if we decide not to pursue this? Why can't we have an answer as to what we want to do before making all these decisions?!
Well, this past week we decided to pay the fees associated with this process and scheduled our home study update for this morning.
I can tell you that going into the meeting with our sweet social worker Karla who has now been working with our family for almost 2 years (she started with us in the beginning as began pursuing international adoption!) I was still 50/50 on whether or not moving forward with another adoption was still the right thing for our family. My idea of what that was going to look like for us just made me a bit uneasy somehow and I couldn't put my finger on it. After our meeting with Karla I really felt that God was using her to tell us what He needs us to know!
We shared our concerns with her of adding another child and how we would do that and when. She almost immediately offered that perhaps we adopt a 2-3 year old soon so that our "lady bug" would fill the gap currently between Parker and Gabby. She suggested that since Gabby is so young that it wouldn't pose an issue concerning birth order as is often a concern when adopting children into a family that already has children in place. Suddenly I felt a shift....it was like the light bulb going off in my head. It made total sense to me! My fears about Gabrielle being affected are now pretty much a non-issue. She is too young to know any different and having a big sister would just be a bonus to her that she doesn't yet even know she is missing. I really felt like God was smiling down at me as all my thoughts processed. Like he was nodding His head and saying, " I told you that I had all this figured out. I never forgot what you had been pursuing and I knew how to work all of this out. Sit back, relax and let me show you how it can all be done just as I planned."
How often I try to figure everything out and fret over the details and how to fit everything into place. His only instructions to us is to not worry and wait for His word. He always has a plan and it is always for the best! Now maybe this is not His plan at all. Maybe there is a different path and I am just not processing what He wants me to see yet. I really want what God wants for us and if it is to work the way we are now imagining then I am very excited! We love our children so much and I know that there is still so much love there for another child that is yet unknown to us. I know that if it is blessed by God then everything will work out and our family will be strengthened, not stressed, by this addition.
Derek and I have discussed next steps know that we need to sit back down and speak with our international adoption specialist before moving forward. She has worked with adoptive families for 25+ years and we want to make sure that we are all thinking straight about how to go about this, but I know if God is blessing it then the doors will open for us and she will confirm everything we are already feeling. I am excited to think that we could be moving forward with bringing our Chinese daughter home. I do know that I can rest in the fact that God knows who she is, where she is and exactly how we are going to get there. All we need to do is listen and have faith....He will show us the way!
Thank you for continuing to follow us along this path and to pray for our guidance. You are all so precious to us and we are so thankful for each of you.
God Bless!
Jessica and family
(Our precious children)
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." Psalm 3:5-6
