Well, here we are in a new year yet it seems that not much has changed on our Chinese adoption front. At least it sure feels that way! It was just about a year ago that we made the decision to continue on this journey that this year (in July) will mark 3 years long so far!
We (and by we I mean myself, my husband, and our agency) thought we would have our little Lily here within 6 months or so, but as we now know that was not to be. The days have turned into weeks that have turned into months. It has truly been the hardest thing I have ever had to wait for in my life. It is really such an emotional and mental toll almost daily. That is very wearing and tiring on a person.....I have truly felt that this month has been the worst for me. I don't know if I am just really wearing out or if it's the hard winter we have had this year causing me to feel so sullen lately. I try to keep myself busy with other things (really not all that hard since I have quite a few irons in the fire you could say!) but any spare unfilled time is really spent reflecting on my heartache.
This morning in church I just felt the Lord speaking to me and our pastor, John, gave me some great scripture during his message to help me think on the things the Lord would have me thinking on instead of "drowning in despair". You know, it is hard for me to even admit this and "type" or say it out loud because I feel so ungrateful and not worthy to complain. I have so much going so right in my life and I know that, at least in this season, we just have so much to be thankful for. I pray daily for so many of my friends and family that have real struggles with health, finances, relationships, etc. I often tell myself that I don't have a right to even think the things I think sometimes, but I fear that is part of the reason I am feeling down as much as I have been lately. I felt the Lord telling me this morning that He wanted to tell me some things through someone else's lips and urged me to go for prayer after service. As soon as John's message was over I told Derek that I thought we should go up for prayer and we did. And boy did God have a few things to say! What started out as just one or two people praying for us turned into a few all speaking loving, uplifting and encouraging words from the Lord. There were so many confirmations for us in what they spoke that I couldn't help but to weep. I started out weeping in shame that I wouldn't trust God for all He has promised, but ended the time weeping for joy in His love and grace for me and Derek and his promises for our future - which I know is also Lily's future!
So it is with a renewed spirit and heart full of love and light that I will be heading out the door in a few minutes to meet with some ladies I have never met before but I know at least have one thing in common with me: we are all waiting on our children that are coming home from China!
A couple of weeks ago Derek had been talking with a man in a small group he attends at a local church when he mentioned that we were adopting from China and learned that this man and his wife were to. And in fact, she was beginning to gather with a few other women that are also in various stages of a China adoption for support and fellowship. He asked Derek if I would like to join them and shortly after his wife contacted me to invite me to their first gathering tonight at the Starbucks just up the street. I am so excited to meet with them tonight and meet some other women that I know will be able to completely relate to the things I am feeling and also have a strong faith that is also helping to carry them through.
One final stat I would like to leave you with is this: I was speaking to my agency contact last week (just for a pep talk really - there is no knew news), Chris. She told me to be encouraged that when we got back on the waiting list about a year ago there were 22 others couples in front of us. Today there are none.
I know she is out there and we will wait for God's perfect timing to bring her home........
Psalm 145:13-14
"Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The LORD upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down."
