What's in a name??

So here we are. The day of our baby girl's birth has come!  It has been quite a journey to get here.  Over the last week we have put the entire nursery together, purchased or been given all the necessary baby gear and clothes and prepared our hearts and minds as best we can for this amazing change in our lives. 
We began to seriously talk about names for our baby girl last Friday when we knew that this was really going to happen and quickly.  Pretty quickly we had narrowed our favorites down to Gabrielle, Isabella and Eliana.  I researched the names meanings and that had helped us to decide on these three as final "contestants". 
Gabrielle means "God is my Strength"
Isabella means "Consecrated (pledged) to God"
Eliana means "God has answered"
All very appropriate for this little girl!  Derek and I discussed but he didn't really say much other than that he liked them all just fine. 

On Friday, Feb. 17th, M (birth mom) and I went to a doctor's appointment where they told us that they were finally ready to induce her.  We were both so excited!  Sunday morning at 8am they said :)
Of course, that night that is all I could think about and I had dreams all night that night about having the baby, etc. In my dream I was calling her "Gabrielle" and "Gabby".
That morning I spoke to M. who also told me she had a dream about the baby being born.  In her dream she said I also called the baby "Gabby"!  I do not believe in coincidences so that was very much a sign to me that this baby should be named Gabrielle.  I am a slow learner at times though so I continued to toss it around, as Isabelle had been the front runner for me up until this point. 

Later that same day (Saturday) I had a conversation with Derek who admitted that he had always liked Gabrielle the best and thought that should be her name, but he didn't want to influence my decision at all and wanted me to decide based on what I liked.  Then maybe a 1/2 later my girlfriend, Anna, texted me and told me that she too thought it should be Gabrielle (Gabby), but that she hadn't wanted to say anything either! 

Okay, okay, I get it!  Her name is going to be Gabrielle :)  I do believe that this is "His Adoption Journey" and we are just along for the ride - God is in control and has been since the beginning.  Even her name is per His plan. 

As I sit back and think about the journey we have been on it is hard to comprehend still.  Just a little more than a week ago we didn't even know that this little girl would be in our lives and here we are! 
As Derek and I drove to the hospital this morning he reminded me that just last month our small group (bible study group) prayed over us.  The prayer was that our adoption process would go smoothly and that everything that happen be His will and that we would know without a doubt that it was His will. They also prayed for us that the FIRST child that was "referred" to us would be the child that we were meant to have so we didn't have to go through "rejecting" potential referrals of children (I knew that would be beyond difficult).  At the time of that prayer we had finished our paperwork for China and was waiting on it to be translated and sent to the Chinese consulate and to ultimately be put on "The List" to be referred a daughter. We assumed that would take until the end of the summer at the earliest.
No one involved in that prayer that night could have had any idea this was God's plan.  I know that His hand has been on us without ceasing regarding this entire process.  I know that the people he has placed in our lives in these many different ways are like angels covering us in prayer and helping us along this path - praise God!

It is so amazing to me how God works.  God is the creator of this world, He is our father, our provider, our Savior and He knows what our path will be if we chose to step out in faith and follow Him when he calls.  Often times it is scary - down right terrifying!!!! - but faith means trusting in Him and abandoning those fears.  Looking to Him for comfort and guidance even when we can not see or anticipate what might happen next.  Even if the path takes us in a different direction than we thought we was originally leading us. 

Here I sit in a labor and delivery room with the birth mom - the "first mom" of our baby girl - typing out a blog entry so that none of the details of this miraculous experience will be lost or forgotten.
I am trying to cast all my fears and anxieties on God to let him work all of this for good as His word says.  I would be lying if I said I feel like I am successfully executing that plan.  I am giving it all the effort I can. It is hard to imagine any other outcome than the one we have prepared our homes and hearts for.  I have to trust that this is God's plan and that we are all bringing together a plan so much bigger than the sum of all of us.  This is a decision, by ALL of us involved, that will forever change our lives and the course of history.  For this we all need to strength of God....how appropriate that this little girl that brought all of this together be named Gabrielle, "God is my strength"! 

Thank you all for your continued prayers to cover our family, M, and this baby girl, Gabrielle.  We are forever grateful!  Today will be the day I hold my daughter in my hands for the first time and that is the start of the rest of our lives as an amazing family. Not only did God bless us with the precious little girl of our dreams, but with an extended family that we had no idea we would be so blessed to receive.  God gives abundantly, overflowing........

"Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will be given to you. For with the same measure you measure it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38

"A Birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart"
Skye Hardwick

Outpouring of Love!!!

I can hardly believe that we found out we were going to have a newborn baby girl joining our family about 1 week ago. SO much has happened in that week. In order to help me keep track (and pass the time while I wait anxiously for my baby girl - these things are the only things I seem to be able to concentrate on right now!) I thought I should update my blog with more details that have unfolded.

As you know from last Friday's post, we certainly expected that we would be holding our baby girl today based on what that day's doctor visit's outcome was. Birth mom, "M", and I were told that if she made it through the weekend without going into labor (which was unlikely in the doc's opinion) then she would surely induce her by Thursday (today!). However, we went in Tuesday for a Non-stress test to hear a very happy and healthy heart beat that indicated to another doctor in the practice that we should continue to wait it out for the rest of the week. According to her baby girl is still on the smaller side (around 5lbs or so) and given they have never been certain about a due date they felt like giving her a little more time to mature in the womb would be best. It was heart wrenching news for both M and me as we were planning to have a baby in the next couple of days at most. We even thought she might be progressed far enough along that they would induce her then. Not the case, though. She was still hovering around 3cm dilated which is what she had been at Friday's appt.

As hard as this wait is on me and my family, I know that M is going through her own range of emotions and heartache that I can't imagine. I remember what it felt like in those final weeks and days of pregnancy and it is physically very difficult (at least it always was for me - maybe had something to do with my 40-60lb weight gain with each one!) let alone the emotional strain that any woman is dealing with being muliplied for M. I know she is ready to move forward in this process, as well. It breaks my heart when she tells me she is sorry that nothing is happening, though. I have tried to reassure her that it is not her fault and this is totally up to God and that baby girl. She will come when it is time!

While everything happened so suddenly and we felt an enormous amount of pressure to get everything done quickly just knowing that she could be here "any minute", it has actually worked out well. Derek and I are "doers" and if something needs done we just jump on it full speed ahead. On top of that we have had the most incredible outpouring of love from our friends and family that has made it possible to get everything done without draining our reserves.

Let me recap the amazing blessings we have received from people in our lives this week - as much for you all to be encouraged as we were and for us to never forget as this experience will someday be a distant memory, but we will always have my writings to look back and reflect on!

On Friday, Feb. 10th it was my birthday. I was supposed to go out to breakfast with my girlfriend Angie, who I later found out had organized a "surprise birthday breakfast" for me by inviting several other girlfriends to join us. Unfortunately I had to cancel my breakfast with Angie in order to go to the doctor's appt to meet M and see my baby girl on the ultrasound screen for the first time (I have been carrying those pictures around for a week and looking at them a 100x a day!). I am sure they were disappointed to not go through with the plan, but each of these girls (all of which I saw later that day) never said a word about it and instead were very supportive and excited to hear about my baby appt. and ask what I needed or how they could help.....they still had one more plan for celebration up their sleeves (more on that later! :)

That night as we were wrapping up from basketball games, etc. my sweet friend and neighbor, Claudia shows up with a crib for me to start putting together the baby’s room. We couldn't wait to get it set up. Another friend, Stephanie, had given me a beautiful Baby Gap crib set she had picked up one afternoon while shopping. It had been sitting in my closet for 6 months....I had no idea it would be needed so soon!

The next day was Saturday and my girlfriend, Adriana, called me to come over and go through baby clothes so I could take what I needed. When I got there her husband, Jose Carlos, and her had already set every piece of baby equipment they were no longer using (their baby girl is 14 months old) into the foyer for me to take. In addition they had pulled out a half a dozen boxes of baby clothes ranging from 3 months to 12 months of age! I literally filled my truck (and I have a BIG truck) up when I left. My boys and I spent the entire next day going through 3 large bags full of baby clothes. It was so much fun to see all those tiny little pink outfits!

Saturday night we were supposed to go to a party at my girlfriend Angie's house. As much as we both wanted to go we were so tired. We decided not to join the tournament (this was a Euchre party) but to at least go hang out since we knew everyone who would be there and very much wanted to see them and have a little time relaxing. I was so glad we went! Apparently the girls had decided to move my surprise celebration to that night. They had a cake (Chocolate from Servati - one of my very favs!!!:) and candles and everyone sang me happy birthday. A happy birthday it was indeed!!!

On Sunday we got a message on our way home from church from a neighbor and friend, Carla, offering to give us "the only piece of baby equipment left in her house" :) - a cradle. We stopped after church and picked it up. It is literally perfect! Soon afterwards my girlfriend, Angie, stopped by with a beautiful glider rocker that she had used with her boys. It has a white wood frame which meant it matched everything else in the nursery perfect! I know that it meant allot to Angie as it was such a part of her memories of her 3 boys growing up, but she still chose to let us use it. It was the perfect finishing touch to the nursery! As if that wasn't enough she even came back a few days later with a small white bookshelf that fit in perfectly and provided more storage for those cute little baskets filled with blankets, shoes and other misc. baby items :)

Over the weekend we worked hard to get the nursery ready, all of her clothes washed and put away and get ourselves and our boys as organized as possible. We even packed an overnight bag for Derek and me to take to the hospital - praying that we will be able to stay with her and bond - and one for our boys to take if they need to spend the night with grandma. We were sure it was going to happen just like the doctor said! But it didn't....labor never started.

On Monday we continued to get calls, texts and facebook posts encouraging us and letting us know that so many people had our family in their prayers. That has been a huge comfort to me and I am not sure how I would be doing right now without it. We know that prayer is never the least that someone can do!

We also received a message from a friend from church, actually that we have known many years (since high school), Teena, that she would like to come and paint the nursery for us. We wanted to get it painted (Derek and I are not painters - we try, but it isn't pretty!) but hadn't really had time to hire anyone or even pick out the colors. Well, by Wednesday afternoon the entire room had been painted by her and looked amazing! We moved all the furniture back in Wednesday evening and it looks so sweet and girly. It is soooo PINK - perfect!! :)

During this time we also received a beautiful white eyelet bassinet from another member of our church, Juanita. Angie brought over a bumper and sheets for the cradle, as well. All of these things have just happened in the last 5 days. Prior to us finding out about God's adoption plan for us with this baby girl we had been preparing for our Chinese daughter. Knowing she would be older we had many girlfriends supplying us with little girl items even several months ago. Chrissy gave her our first Barbie ;) , as well as, numerous other items including clothes. She even recently bought her a beautiful kitchen set! Amber brought over bags of toddler girl clothes for me to go through, Jen brought me an entire little girl's twin bedding set and another neighbor, Suzanne, gave me Pottery barn lamps, matching rug and twin size bedding, as well. I am sure I am forgetting some things...my brain is pretty much mush right now so I hope I didn't forget someone!

Then just yesterday as I came home Derek informed me that a friend (who was trying not to  be discovered but was), Ashley, dropped by 3 gift bags of things she collected after reaching out to her neighbors and friends since she did not had any girl items of her own. The bags contained both new and used layette items, toys and a beautiful open knit pink baby blanket that I adore. I always had that same style for my boys (Parker still sleeps with his) as I didn't fear them getting wrapped up in it and not being able to breathe....maybe I spent too much times thinking about those things!

The outpouring of love and support from friends and neighbors has been unbelievable. I feel so undeserving, but so thankful and so blessed!

As I sit hear writing this a package is delivered to my door....it's from our brother, Rob (Derek's older brother) and sister-in-law, Rashell, in California filled the most adorable items for our baby girl! Derek and I literally cried as we read the beautiful enclosed card. The outside read, "With God all things are possible." Mark 10:27 and the inside was filled with a beautiful message full of love written by Rashell.

I am forever grateful for the incredible relationships that we have in our lives. I know that God has put each and every one of you into our lives and us into yours for a reason- many reasons perhaps. I am so thankful for God's watchful eye, guiding hand and loving spirit. Feeling that all in the natural world through all of these incredible acts of kindness is priceless. I pray that I never forget how amazing we feel in this moment and are able to love people the way we have been loved. Nothing feels better than this!

Tomorrow is another follow-up appointment with M. We will again get to see our little one on the ultrasound screen, hear her strong heartbeat and find out if M is progressing. We do hope that we also learn once and for all when they will induce her. I mean this can't go on forever, right! ;)

Of course, we will continue to update this blog with any progress that may happen over the next few days. I pray that the next blog update in written between diaper changes and feedings with my little girl safely in my arms :)

We welcome the continued prayers. Saying that this has been difficult emotionally would be a severe understatement!

God bless you all and THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts!

It's happening NOW - His timing, not ours!!!

As I write this I anxiously keep checking my iPhone for a text to say that I need to head to the hospital for the arrival our baby girl. Sound crazy?? It FEELS crazy - crazy GOOD!!!!!

Let me start from the beginning....pull up a chair, this one may take a while :)

This Tuesday was like any other Tuesday for the most part....kid's off to school, I went for my typical run, then a trip to the grocery, kid's back home from school, homework, made dinner, etc.

Little did we know what was coming on this "ordinary" night. It all started when Tanner brings me a "fortune" (yes, I know we seem to have alot of fortune cookies and related stories to those little pieces of paper tucked inside, but stay with me here! ;) that he saved from his treat at lunch. "Look at this mom", he says. "I kept this because look what it says!" This learn Chinese phrase simply said, "I live in America". I told him that was really neat and thanked him for bringing it home. I didn't really put that much emphasis on it except that it had meant something to Tanner who has been anxiously awaiting his little sister's arrival to our family.

About 10 minutes later I went into the office to work on some of my Continuing Education classes need for my RE license renewal - that was due on Friday nonetheless (man I am always behind on this stuff!!). I noticed that I had a private message waiting on Facebook so decided to take a second to check that before getting into the "studying" (this is how I get behind!!). The message was from a friend that we hadn't seen much lately and I was excited to see what she was writing me about. The message started like this: "this might sound and seem very odd, I felt the same way earlier, but I feel as though God told me to contact you."

Obviously I was intrigued and a little nervous! As I continued to read I was made aware of a girl who would be giving birth any day now (she was due last week!) and had decided to give the baby up for adoption. After having one family not work out she had decided maybe she would contact an agency to help her place the child, but our friend asked us if we would be willing to talk to this girl first.

Now I have to admit that when I read this tears started streaming down my cheeks immediately. I cannot even be sure that I know how to describe the emotions that I was going through. I was honored, humbled, scared, sad, excited, nervous and so many more things that I can't describe all at the same time. My thought immediately went to my daughter in China. I know that we have a daughter there (or will have) and almost felt like even thinking about talking to this girl was giving up on her. This is a child that we have spent the last 9 months working so hard to be able to bring home. A child that we pray every single day for as a family asking God to watch over her and her family. How could I turn my thoughts from her so easily? Then my head was filled with fear and doubt due to all the scary heartbreaking stories you hear about adoptive families having a new baby taken out of their arms when a birth mother changes her mind. And just fear of how to talk to someone about something so life changing as this. How do I tell someone that I would love and cherish and care for her child making her my own and giving her a forever loving family that she could flourish in? Would I be all that she wanted for her little baby girl? Would my family be good enough? Could we even take on a newborn?? We weren't expecting this - our Chinese daughter was going to be at least 10 months old and that is what we had prepared our hearts, minds and home for.

I called Derek into the office to have him read the email. Surely he would make quick sense of this and have the right answer - he always does! :)

As soon as he had read the email he looked at me and calm as could be said, "Give her your number so you can talk to her." My jaw almost hit the floor! How could he be so calm? So certain? But I did what he said.

As we began to talk about things we began to notice how we felt God had been pointing us to this and giving us confirmations. First, the "fortune" from Tanner..."I live in America". Not, "I will come to America" or "I am an American" or any other version of what it could have been. If you pair that with my last post's word of "Daughter" then it certainly is easy to see why we are starting to feel like God wanted us to know that our daughter lives in America - right now, just waiting on us to be united with her. When our friend heard God speak to her heart about us and putting us in contact with the birth mom she was obedient and even the fear of sounding crazy or getting a weird reaction out of us didn't deter her...she followed through with what she knew she was supposed to do. She was part of this plan and He relied on her obedience!

Okay, so we were convinced this was a meant to be meeting. Who gets contacted out of the blue about a baby about to be born to a mother who is desperately seeking the right family to place her with? We weren't on a list anywhere. We didn't seek out a newborn, but apparently God had this plan worked out despite what we thought we were going to be doing. That is not to say that we believe that it is no longer in the plan for us to adopt from China. God has led us so far in that process and took us through too many impossibilities in that situation for it not to be of Him. We don't know how or when our China adoption will be fulfilled or even if it is still God's will, but we do know that our obedience to follow the path that we feel God had led us on is what has ultimately led us here. We just have to wait on His perfect timing and apparently wait we will, for now. We have a new priority at hand it seems....

On Wednesday my girlfriend, Chrissy and I went out for lunch and shopping and I confided in her what was happening. It felt strange to even hear what was coming out of my mouth - it was just such an amazing story and possibility. Of course, Chrissy was incredibly supportive and excited as she has been throughout our entire adoption journey (she has also been steadily supplying me with girl's toys and clothing for months! ;). It really helped to ease my mind and feel more at peace after talking with her.

After arriving back home I go into the office to try and get some work done but can't stop thinking about this and wondering if I am going to get a call from this birth mom. Derek and I start talking about everything again and I get a text - it is her! She wants to know if we can talk. I tell her of course and wait for the call.

In the meantime, Derek and I worked feverously talking to attorneys, our social worker (from our international adoption) and a domestic adoption agency to figure out what were the next steps. Since we have never entertained a domestic adoption of a newborn we weren't really sure what to expect or if we could even do something like this so quickly. Knowing she was already overdue we imagined that we were fighting the clock to get everything into place if this was actually going to be a reality. After speaking to the professionals about what needs to be done we felt confident that this is something that we can physically accomplish. So we wait for the call.....

Hours go by and still no call. I begin to feel the overwhelming need to go to the Lord in prayer so I find a dark room where I can get away and fall on my face in prayer. As I pray I am asking God for guidance, for wisdom, for peace. I specifically ask Him to "hold my hand and make this a clear path for me to follow. I am so scattered and need Him to pull me together and take me step by step - I NEED signs and wonders that this is His will!!" Just then - literally just as I say this -my phone starts ringing and it is her...the birth mom!!!!

We will call her "M". M and I speak for about 45 minutes getting to know each other, talking about how the adoption would ideally work, what went wrong with the previously chosen family and how to move forward. And forward was the only way I wanted to move! I felt an instant connection with M. She was sweet, well spoken, very up front and honest about everything. You could hear in her voice that she truly only had one goal in mind and that was to find the best family for her unborn baby who she obviously cares deeply about. She let me know she had learned all about us, checked out our family pictures, talked to people who knew us, etc. We were the family she wanted. Praise God!

Within 24hrs. we had hired the attorney, authorized our social worker to convert our home study into a domestic format, contracted the adoption agency and sent in the necessary fees to move forward. By Thursday evening M had met with the agency and signed all the adoption paperwork identifying us as the adoptive parents assuring us she was ready to move forward with everything. The entire time M and I had been corresponding via text (I think I killed the battery on my iPhone 2 xs on Thursday :) and it felt like I had known her my whole life. Somehow I identified with her without really even knowing her. I couldn't help but wonder if she felt the same way about me? Had I lived up to her expectations? But only for God.....

In a final text on Thursday evening, M sends me the location and time of her doctor’s appointment the next day (Friday, Feb. 10th - MY BIRTHDAY!!!); so that we can meet and I can see my baby girl for the first time (on the ultrasound machine of course!). I blissfully feel asleep that night - God's peace surpasses all understanding because I would have never been able to calm down enough to sleep on my own!

On Friday morning I get up and am surprised by cards, singing and breakfast treats for my birthday before I head out the door for the appointment. I don't even remember the drive to the doctor's office - I think my brain is completely mush at this point! I meet M in the lobby, we embrace for a quick hug and I am amazed at how at peace I feel with her right away. It just feels right.....you know that feeling?

The first room we are led into after signing in to the doctor's office is the ultrasound room where we are greeted by a tech that begins showing us the baby girl in M's growing belly :) She quickly finds and shows us her heart - 4 perfect chambers beating at a healthy 154bpm! Next she points out the proof that she is a girl..."girl parts" she calls them on the screen. Next we scan for the face which is nearly impossible because of how low she is positioned and that she is looking backwards. Eventually she moves enough that we are able to watch her opening and closing her mouth, putting her hands in her mouth and some incredible shots of her profile - so clear! I feel like I know her and what she looks like already.....this is amazing!

Soon we move into another room to do the "stress test". While listening to the whoosh whoosh of our baby girl's heart beat we begin to talk and get to know each other better. Having had a very similar childhood as me, we certainly identify with each other easily. I can honestly say that I feel a true love for this girl who I have just met. I feel like I can understand her hurts and sorrows. I can see the fighter in her. The girl that can get knocked down, but gets right back up. She isn’t a "victim" of anything in life nor does she identify herself that way though she certainly could. She is a "survivor" and I can relate. I like this girl and feel honored to be sitting here with her and embarking on this incredibly amazing journey that will change all of our lives forever - for the better.....in the way that I believe it is supposed to be.

With the stress test over we now wait on the doctor to check her "progression" and see how much longer it may be before we have a baby! Once in the room and situated I stand up by her right shoulder and wait to hear what the doctor has to say. She measures her belly, "she is growing and getting big" she says :) Next she does the internal check, "70% effaced and 3cm dilated...oh and there is her head!" the doctor says. Are you kidding me??? Is this really happening??? (this is what I am thinking while trying not to start crying!)

The next question from the doctor: "Do you want me to strip the membranes? This might get things moving for you. You are certainly ready." M look over her shoulder to me and says, "Do you want her to? Are you ready?" I can hardly believe all of this is happening, but without hesitation I say, "Yes, I am ready!"

Since Tuesday evening I had been floating through my days in dream like state. It is really just too much for my brain to wrap around. Now I sit and wait for the phone call and/or text that M is heading to the hospital to give birth to who will be our baby girl.

While I know this is real life and I know that this is really happening I can't help but feel like some tuned my channel to the Lifetime or Hallmark network. Seriously! Who does this happen to.... I mean in real life?? I guess it happens to me. This is not what I asked for or even thought I wanted, but it is funny how God's plan supersedes what we can even imagine or dream. And funnier even still how God knows what we want and need long before we ever figure it out. If we can just lean on Him and truly put one foot in front of the other when He leads us regardless of fear of failure or rejection or hurt. If He has put us in it He will get us through it...one step at a time even if He has to carry us.

Praise God for M! Praise God for this unborn baby girl that I will soon hold in my arms and call my daughter! Praise God for all that He blesses us with in spite of my fears and failures.

Any day now I will be meeting this precious gift face to face. We serve a BIG BIG incredible God!

We will certainly keep update thsi blog as soon as possible with new baby news - stay tuned and thanks for following us and praying for us in this journey! God bless :)


I want to end with the......My girlfriend, Chrissy, gave me a coffee mug 2 or 3 weeks ago and it had this scripture on it: JOURNEY  "For I know the plans I have for you..." ~Jeremiah 29:11
Never have any words ever felt so true and truly meant for me.

Great fortune!

So we are nearing the end of the month and so much has taken place in the past thirty days to bring us so much closer to meeting our little girl - whoever she is.....

We have successfully completed ALL the paperwork, interviews, dossier work and have just received our FINAL part - our approval from USCIS stating that we are fit to adopt internationally!!! This approval, by the way, came in record time according to our agency - it took less than a week to get it - who gets anything that quickly from a government agency when you are not standing right in front of them waiting?!  This means that our file, which has been waiting at our agency office for this final piece of paper, can now be sent off for translation and then on to the People's Republic of China :) This is beyond exciting.  As a matter of fact I have only just now been able to sit down and write about it - it is just so big and had to sink in a little while. 

I am confident that our daughter is out there and waiting for our file to arrive so that she can be chosen.  So that someone will read our dossier and pick her out of a pile of beautiful children needing families and say, "this one belongs here". This process, though very difficult at times, has been full of incredible blessings.  It has been full of love, hope, prayer and strengthened friendships and family bonds. It has been full of marriage strengthening discussions, personal reflection and a new commitment to our dreams.  We have had so many wonderful and meaningful discussions with our boys over the decision to adopt a little sister for them.  We have seen their understanding of how to love and look outside of their selves expand. I believe that the remainder of this process will be as blessed as the first. I know that God's hand is absolutely on this entire process and that His timing will be perfect. 

We are big believers in God giving us signs of encouragement, words of knowledge and other such things to let you know that He is watching and, most of all, cares. This process has certainly given us our fair share of God's encouragement.  It's not always an earth shattering thing or a blinking neon sign that shows up in the sky ahead of you.  Often, I believe, His love is shown through other people. For instance our notary, who was recommend by a friend, who took extra effort and time to notarize all our dossier documents for us. Doesn't sound all that spectacular until you realize that she had to type out a specific phrase on most of the documents before she could even sign them. That required a typewriter in order for the wording to be typed on the original document as required - who has a typewriter sitting around????  The notary that God led us to did....she was being a blessing to us for absolutely no gain of her own and she was the perfect one! She was the one God wanted to use to bless us and keep us moving forward for his perfect timing :)

Just this past weekend we went out with the boys to find something quick to eat before joining some friends at the Blue Ash Rec Center for a "family fun night".  We needed something quick, but are not big fans of fast food so we were desperately looking for a compromise.  After driving around Kenwood, Blue Ash and Montgomery unable to decide on something for nearly 20 minutes we pulled into a shopping center to turn around.  As we pulled in we came face to face with a sign that said "May's Chinese".  Derek and I decided that sounded pretty good and it would be fairly quick. During our dinner we met the owners and chatted with them a bit. Jesse was a sweet woman who was originally from Shanghai. We discussed learning some mandarin with her and that we would be traveling to China hopefully this year to adopt our daughter.  She was fascinated and wished us much luck on our journey.
As we were getting ready to leave Tanner started passing out the fortune cookies to all of us. When I opened mine and pulled the little piece of paper out of it I was delighted to read that it read, "nu er" which means "daughter" in Chinese.  I do believe that God wanted us to know that he has not forgotten about us or left us to finish out this process on our own. We need to know that we are still on the right path and that this is His desire for our lives and for the lives of all those that this process is going to affect.  I believe he wanted me to get that "note" (yes, I think God will even use a fortune cookie if he so chooses ;).
There are so many opportunities to be a blessing and to receive all the blessings God has for you throughout a day, a week, a month.  I fear that I miss so many, but I am so grateful for the ones that I don't miss.  I am so thankful for our GREAT FORTUNE!!

"Give and it shall be given to you, but not merely given back, but given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity." ~ Luke 6:38 (The Message)

A Redemption Story

What you are about to read was sent to me by my mother in law today, Derek's mom Jeannie.  She wrote it this morning and emailed it to us to read. When I started reading it I thought it was a "forward" and thought that it sounded so similar to the story we were currently in the middle of in our own lives.  By the end I realized that it was written for us, for our daughter and as a message available to anyone who desire to receive it by our own precious Jeannie. What a treasure! 

A Redemption Story - Two Adoptions

Psalms 111:9a  He provided redemption for his people.

A little girl is waiting in a crowded orphanage in a city someplace in the huge country of China.  As she accepts the daily routine of living day to day, she has no idea of the price that has been paid for her.

The price is high, not only monetarily, but in the laboring of mountainous paperwork, meetings, interviews, visits, phone calls, letters, notarizing, and more paperwork.  She has no idea of the love that has been shown for a little lost girl, so many miles away, and prayers that have been petitioned on her behalf.  She has no idea that one day she will have a new citizenship in a different land, a new room all her own, medical needs that will be met, nutrition that will be available every day, no worries or fears because her new parents will see that she is protected, and will be aware of her cautious heart and listen to every word she utters.  She will be adopted into a new loving family where she will be secure, safe, and warm, never a fear of being abandoned again.  She will learn the greatest redemption story ever lived, other than her own.  She will even get a new name.

When we become a Christian, the same principles apply.  We are bought with a price.  We are secure for life.  We are protected from the enemy.  We have a new citizenship, in heaven.  Provisions have been made - Jesus told us that he goes to prepare a place for us, yes, our own room.  He said he would never leave us or forsake us.  He also said he would bear all our burdens, keep us safe, and make us smile.  And, yes, we will be given a new name.

How many people have the opportunity of being blessed, by being adopted twice?

Mom and Grandma Jeannie

1/15/12

Children are a gift from God; they are his reward. 
LB Psalms 127:3

Happy Birthday Jesus and looking forward to an AMAZING new year!!

I am such an blessed girl!  I don't say that with a prideful attitude, but rather with a humbleness that can truly only come when you realize how undeserving you really are of all that is in your life.  It's the kind of gratefulness for the life you have that words are really not able to express.  I am literally brought to tears when I realize how much grace and forgiveness I have been given to go so far beyond "you are forgiven" to "you are favored of God".  Wow, stops me in my tracks! Praise God I AM favored of God and I willingly except all he has for me (at least this is what I am determined to keep telling myself until I KNOW that I believe it deep down in my soul!) Even when those blessings don't initially seem like blessings - and often the biggest blessings don't - I am going to be grateful and remind myself to stay humble.  Many times what is going  on in my life isn't for my benefit at all, but for his plan and in order to bless someone else. When I sit an ponder all that is going on in our lives with the adoption I begin to feel so very blessed! Blessed to have a husband that is supportive and also wants another child - and not a child that is biologically his. Blessed to have the financial ability to adopt a child - something that seemed like may never again be the case after the financial stresses that we went through in both our business and personal life just a couple of years ago. Blessed to have such an incredible support network. However, when I look beyond me and my families blessings I feel God's heart for one of his children. A child that without a family like us to adopt them into their home may never know him or know what it is to be loved and nurtured. Could we possibly even begin to be as blessed as the little girl that he has set aside for us?  She doesn't even know to dream for a family or pray for God's provisions and yet He will bring them to her all the same.  He will use my family, my friends, my church, my neighborhood, my city to bless her life and her eternity. He will surely use her to bless many others throughout her life, as well. We will be able to witness God's work first hand. Yes, I am a very blessed girl!

As I write this I am looking at a Christmas tree with many unwrapped gifts strewn about underneath. Just waiting to be distributed to their rightful places in our home.  Since returning home from visiting with family yesterday we have been busy putting things at home back in order.  The last of those things will surely be many of the new gifts we received that have remained under the tree. 
I think that this was one of the best Christmas I have had maybe ever, but certainly in recent memory.  We did less because of "tradition" and more based on relationships, family and fellowship. We were blessed to be able to spend Christmas Eve celebrating with my husband's cousins, their children and his mom. It was something we haven't done in at least 15 years! Chaotic, loud and down right perfect!  We had at least 15 kids here with at least that many adults. Eating, laughing, talking, playing games and not one present was exchanged! 
This year for Christmas day we celebrated in the morning with my Dad and 3 of my brothers and then headed to church to celebrate with our church family.  What an incredible blessing it was to be able to worship and celebrate as a church body the birth of Jesus! 
As soon as church was over we headed out - entire family in tow, including the dog- to McKee, KY.  It's a very small town in the hills of Kentucky about an hour south east of Lexington - just outside of Berea.  It is where my mom's side of the family originated. As a matter of fact, my grandma and grandpa live on the piece of land (in the old footprint of my great grandparent's home) where I used to visit as a child and see my great grandparents. My mom lives just behind them where you look up the hill and see their home.  It really was special to share that with my kid and Derek, who had never been there before (my mom just moved down there a couple of years ago).
Things have changed over the last 30 years since I used to visit as a child, but many things had not.  The very fact that my children can even visit any of their great grandparents is such a blessing! They will be visiting my Dad's mom in April who lives in Florida and is doing well.  We are a blessed family indeed!
These are the things that make life so rich. It is not the gifts or the perfectly decorated house or tree that make Christmas such an amazing time of year.  It is coming together with the people that you love and love you. The people that make you who you are for better or for worse and sharing in the celebration of our beloved Savior in an imperfect but utterly thankful way!


At any rate we had to draw up a non-traditional owner financing agreement to purchase our home which further complicates the paperwork that China wants to see. We needed the seller, Daniel, to write up a letter stating that we are indeed the owner's of the home and are just doing non-traditional financing through him.  We have been ready to refinance with a bank now with the great interest rates for some time, but we now have to hold off on that until this process is over since changing things now could hold up our process and cause us to have to submit updated paperwork. None of that really matters I guess....again we know how blessed we were to find the right house owned by the right person to help us make all of this happen. There are no coincidences....God had a plan for us! We will wait until the right time for everything to fall into place :)

Anyway, we got a phone call moments ago from Daniel saying that he will have the ownership letter ready for us this evening and we can stop by to pick it up.  Since I completed the financials this afternoon that means we will have EVERYTHING complete on our end! 

And in perfect order, in the mail today arrived our USCIS appointment confirmations! This is a very important step in our process since this step alone often holds things up (waiting on the government, imagine that! ;) and ours seems to have arrived in record time. This is the appointment where we must appear in the USCIS office at the downtown Federal building to be fingerprinted and receive permission to be able to adopt internationally.

My first thing to do after the New Year is to meet up with my notary and have all these documents notarized.  It will be the first step in this new year to what very well may be the best year yet!  To what I know will be a truly AMAZING 2012!

Thank you all who are reading this for your continued prayers and well wishes.  It means so much to us...having support is paramount as we go through this process.  As I look over the gifts I am about to put away I notice 2 little books that my mom gave us in a package marked "Granddaughter" at Christmas.  I know soon she will be here with us and I will be reading her those little books....that is the kind of support that pushes us forward and gives us the hope we need to continue forward expectantly! :)

"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord......" Jeremiah 29:11

Overwhelmed.....

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Like there aren't enough hours in the day or just not enough of you to be all the places you need to be during the day?  How about like if one more thing gets added to your "to do list" you will scream?  I assume most everyone reading this is answering yes, yes, YES!  If not, good for you. You must have learned the elusive "balance" everyone talks about.  For me life is usually a juggling act where I am just trying not to actually let ALL of the balls hit the ground, but usually a few bounce off the floor every now and then anyway.  I am not sure that there is such a thing as "balance" for me because I just don't give everything the same amount of weight.  Some things in my life will always out weigh other things so I am usually struggling to keep that ball in the air while I will let others fall.  You know - the things that no matter what else has to give you simply will not compromise on?  Maybe it's your work, your family, your spouse, your friends, your time at the gym, your faith, God.....different things weigh more or less during different seasons in your life, perhaps.

Lately for me I have been trying to focus a great deal of my efforts and time on our adoption process.  There are piles (and I mean PILES!) of paperwork to be filled out, meeting after meeting to attend. Numerous appointments with doctors to determine our mental, emotional and physical well being and so many other things that I just don't want to go into.  The above has been filling my every week and nearly every day since August 11, 2011. 
Prior to beginning this process (back in July) my days and weeks were filled with play dates for my boys, lunch with girlfriends, attending various classes at my gym, working with Derek in our real estate office, jogs with my dog, shopping for,preparing and serving my family dinner, volunteer activities, time studying God's word and His direction in my life, etc., etc. Since then I have struggled to get to any of my classes at the gym, spend little to no time at all in the office helping Derek with our business, rarely prepare a from scratch meal anymore, have missed out on too many volunteer opportunities and the jogs with my dog are spaced way too far apart and I feel like I more less pass by to say "hi" to God on my way to the next "thing".  While I struggle to keep the things in my schedule that makes my life mine  - and one that I truly love and enjoy living - I feel that I am starting to lose the wheel. You know that feeling when it feels like life is getting away - verging on out of control and into something you didn't want and never intended - and you aren't sure how or when you will be able to get it back? 

Anyway, kind of got me thinking.....a few weeks ago was probably the peak of this feeling for me.  I was just so overwhelmed.  I had felt like I was breezing through this process and even our adoption agency said we were. They even said they were going to have to slow us down because we were too efficient!  I thought, "wow! we are just going to breeze through all of this and we will have our daughter home quicker than we even imagined!"  I was naive and way under estimated the amount of emotions and fatigue that was waiting just under the surface for something to trigger them. 

It was at that time that we had finished up all our interviews and reports for the Home study portion.  Now while our social worker wrote up our family biographies to present to the Chinese authorities and powers that be, we were to begin working on all our final dossier paperwork (please refer to my last blog entry to learn more about that process).   With much enthusiasm I began all that I needed to do for that.  Then we received a call that a close family member had a life threatening emergency and would likely not make it more than a few days on life support.  We had family flying in, people to meet with, doctors to talk to, a nephew who needed support and guidance and, of course, we dove into this situation without hesitation. The adoption paperwork could wait - this, our family, was top priority. 

Meanwhile, our real estate business was relentless (as it has been for several months).  Everyday more clients, new contracts and more closings being set up.  18 total closings set up for December alone right now and more on the horizon!  A blessing we give God all the honor for, but overwhelming none the less.  Unlike the adoption process this is not something we can set aside and say, "oh, it will wait".  It became the juggling act of all juggling acts to be sure! 

Once we got through the difficult week of losing our brother-in-law, laying him to rest and seeing our  precious nephew off back to California it was time to start preparing for Thanksgiving.  So I decided to leave the next steps in our dossier paperwork wait a little while longer.  Now here it was a couple of days from December and I have clearly just been avoiding going back to the process and not just because of the calendar that we keep.

Every time I started to think about picking everything back up I started feeling very anxious and overwhelmed.  I realized how big the mountain was before me and how small I really am in the whole process.  Emotionally I sometimes feel defeated. I often have pity parties for myself and ask why? Why does there have to be SO many steps?  Why do I have to go back to the doctor for the same test and paperwork twice? Why do I have to ask our police department to run new reports on Derek and me after I just had them do it once 2 months ago?  Why do I have to re-visit all the seminar classes I already passed and got certificates for?  Is this all worth it?  Are my boys suffering because I am stressed out?  What kind of mom does that make me? Am I stepping over what I have now just to get to what I want in the future?  Is Derek under too much pressure and stress and we wade through our busiest December ever and I am not even able to help? Why can't Derek give me more assistance on this - I am not supposed to be doing this alone? What is "it" exactly that we are going through this for again?! Aaaaagggghhhhh!!

Well, after many hours of pity parties, crying out to God and finally being quiet long enough to hear Him remind me why I have a renewed strength. I am not actually sure what the answer is to most of those questions with the exception of one; the "it" is our daughter.  She is the little girl that God knows and has set aside for us.  She is the little girl who was born into an impossible situation, by a woman who loved her so much she risked everything to try and see to it that she would find a family to love her and cherish her - OUR FAMILY!  That is why I HAVE to keep pushing forward.  That is why I have to take a deep breath with I start feeling sorry for myself or feel like I am lacking as a mother to my boys or a spouse or business partner to my husband or when I feel like I just can't take one more step forward. Anything worth doing will not be easy and I know that with God walking beside me even when I fall I won't be down long because it is He who lifts me up.  I have to remind myself that when I feel out of control it is because I AM!  Ha - I was never in control to begin with!  God is.  He never promises us that things will be easy, but that when He is in them He will see us through. Of course, we are coming up against opposition - we can't expect anything less. The enemy is ticked that we are following God's plan for our life and will be adding another little warrior to our family and who knows how many more souls she will win for Heaven!   He is good at playing with my emotions and filling me with doubt and fear, but God is better at reminding me who I really am and who He was called me to be. When I feel guilty that I don't have as much time to spend with my boys right now I have to remember that we agreed as a family that this process wouldn't be easy, but we all agreed to make sacrifices to bring our little daughter/baby sister home.  Our condition right now is so temporary, but the end results will last for eternity!

Thank you all for reading our blog and for being a support network for us.  I know that soon all this will be a distant memory and we won't be able to remember what life was like before our daughter came to our family. 

For now I am going to step away from all the paperwork and enjoy a Christmas celebration tonight in downtown Montgomery with my husband and my boys. One that most likely we will be attending next year with one more person in our family :)
God bless!

Joshua 1:9-11 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”