STUCK

So this post is really not much about my own adoption journey, but it is really about something that I want to make you aware of and hopefully you will make all of your friends aware of.

Last night my husband and I attended a screening of the documentary "STUCK" at the Kenwood Theater in Cincinnati.  What an amazing experience!  First we had a nice quiet dinner at one of our favorite Jeff Ruby Steakhouses, Carlos & Johnny, before heading to the 7:00pm showing. It was a completely sold out event and we sat in the packed out stadium style theater with about 250 other people who were not sure what to expect from the provocative film about international adoption.

What we got with this compelling film was an incredible look into the plight of orphans around the world and families that are fighting to bring many of them home. This is something so near and dear to my heart as an advocate for families, women and unborn children in my career and also as an adoptive mother myself and one who is now on the waiting list for a child from China. 

While my family is not "stuck" in our adoption process at this time (we are waiting to be matched with a child) we are well over 2 years into the process and understand the incredible obstacles a family or individual must contend with in order to provide a loving home for a child who is without one. It can be maddening sometimes as you write check after check for each step of the way and fill out stacks of paperwork, undergo a litany of back ground checks, mental and physical health checks, financial screening and numerous other "hoops" before you can even be "approved" to adopt a child internationally - all of this while currently mom and dad to 4 healthy happy children in your home already!! "Crazy" is really not the correct word for how sad this system is and how unfair it is to the millions of children who are orphans and want nothing more than a family - a family who is probably wanting them just as badly but either can't or is trying to navigate through all of these obstacles to bring them home :(

I guess I will stop my rant and just conclude by saying that the organization who produced this film,  Both Ends Burning, is doing remarkable work to get the policies and laws changed that has caused international adoption in this country to decrease by 50% in the last five years - 50%! That means that the approximately 10 million orphans in this world have a very slim chance of ever having a family if something doesn't change - something has to change!  This film and this organization - with help of people just like you and me - is making a change.

Please take a moment to watch this trailer and this informational video (less than 10 minutes for both!) and then find out where you can see this film near you! It is life changing - you CAN make a difference ....we all can!! :)

On the event "red carpet" with attorney Kelly Ensslin , who has dedicated countless hours to this cause (what an incredible and inspirational woman!) & Executive Producer, Craig Juntunen.

 (I am crazy bright in this pic - my husband says I make pictures "hot"...I thought he was being sweet and then I realized that it is actually a photography term for when the light reflects all crazy and bright off of a person or object like this - LOL!)

I hope that you will all take a moment to explore this film and the cause behind it. Please, if your life has been touched in any way by adoption I would love to hear about it!  It is my passion and I believe my calling in life to advocate for :)

Blessings!

Connections......

So my last update was just a few weeks ago (less than a month) and I have so much to update!

One kind of fun thing that really has nothing to do with my blogging about our adoption journey is that I was featured in a local magazine. It does have everything to do with helping to raise awareness about the blessing of adoption. In the article this blog (www.tyeadoptionjourney.blogspot.com) was mentioned, as well as, me being an adoption advocate. The writer did leave a few things out that I was sad about like the fact that I am a Client Educator at a local pregnancy care center: Pregnancy Care of Cincinnati. Why is that so important to me?  Because it would have been awesome to have some attention brought to this organization that does so much good locally for women, children and families. It also is a key ministry in many happy adoption stories for many families.
I actually began volunteering for this organization as a direct result of the adoption of our daughter, Gabrielle, even though her particular circumstance had nothing to do with Pregnancy Care of Cincinnati. I do, however, speak with women every week that share a very similar story and situation to our baby girl's birth mom.  I was blessed to be able to meet with one young woman just in the last 4 months that has chosen life and a family via an open adoption for her unborn baby.  This couple is one, like many couples, who has tried desperately for years to conceive a child and been unable.  Through a serious of events (and God's gently guiding hand) this birth mother and this couple's paths' crossed and now they will forever be connected by this precious life that they both will love so much.

I can't tell you what it feels like to watch God move in people's lives like that!  It was one thing to see it in my own life, but to know what it took to bring this event about it nothing short of miraculous!  I wish I could share all the details with you and someday I hope to be able to do so in a little more detail. Just suffice it to say that God used my involvement with PCC and my own adoption story to reach this mother at precisely the time she needed it.  He then used others to connect this same birth mother to the family that was meant for her child who certainly had been praying that God would give them a child to love. I am so thankful that I have been also able to get to know this precious birth mother. What a blessing she has been to me as I have spoken with her and watched her walk out His plan. Praise God for His Sovereignty!

Another amazing thing is that we have come to a decision that we are certainly continuing on with adopting a little girl (our daughter because I know that God already has her set aside for our family!) from China - yay!  Just a few weeks ago we were not positive that was to still be our journey.  God has given us the clear desire and direction for our daughter in China and we could not be more excited.  With that has come all the updating of our international home study and lots of new and updated paperwork, finger printing, back ground checks, medical updates, etc. so that we can continue toward bringing our daughter in China home.  We are now officially back on "the list" and are only 2nd in line to receive our referral - this is what they call the file that you receive that gives you all the information about a child (any background info they may have - in China this is usually where the child was "found", medical information, DOB(or estimate), pictures, etc.) . It is from that referral that you decide whether or not to move forward with adopting that child (accepting the referral).  After that decision is made we would most likely travel to China about 4 months later to pick-up our child and bring her home.  There is a mandatory 2 week time frame that we would have to stay in China with our little girl before traveling back to the States. At this time we are being told that will most likely happen before the end of this year.

God has been so faithful through this whole process even when we had no idea which way to go. As we have been seeing this part of our journey come together we continue to be amazed at how He has had all of this planned out so perfectly long before we ever knew how it would come together. I am sure that in the coming months we will see even more of His amazing love that I hope to be able to share with you.

Today I enjoyed lunch with an incredible girl, Amy, that I went to high school with. It is amazing how much our lives have paralleled each other's (# and even sex of biological children, adoption of baby girls, church involvement, passions and, of course, our love for Jesus Christ, etc!) even though we were not really friends in high school and only reconnected with each other through mutual friends and our 15 year high school reunion a couple of years ago.  It has made me actually feel a little bit sad that we have missed out on growing up together in our relationships and parallel journeys over these last 15 - 20 years.
Again, God's timing is perfect and while we have both been on our own separate paths God has crossed those paths at precisely the right time in both of our lives.
It was wonderful to sit down and enjoy her for a solid 2 hours today though. Her adoption journey is inspiring and so miraculous. It is the encouragement I needed at precisely the time God knew I needed it. I really hope that we are able to continue building on this friendship. There was just something that clicked in my soul with her today....you what it is like to feel like someone "gets you" even when you aren't sure that you "get you"?  Haha - okay maybe that is just me! :)

Speaking of friendships; this evening Derek and I are so excited to spend some time with one of the couples who have been so supportive throughout this process. Lori is a girlfriend that I also went to school with and wasn't really friends with back then either (two classmates in one day - awesome!). We connected about 6 or 7 years after high school and have really been close since then. Lori and her husband, Abe, have 5 children and while none are adopted they have always been so excited every time we add another child to our family by any means(as we have been as we watched them add on with their last two babies)!  They have a big traditional Catholic family and truly live the "more the merrier" mentality - I love it!  Every time I talk to Lori she is so anxious to hear about how our process is going and if we think we will adopt more children.  Being a believer she also feels that God has a plan for our lives and is excited to see how He is weaving it all together :)

So I guess that pretty much sums up everything I wanted to get down in black and white from the past few weeks. It helps me so much to type all this out so I don't forget the timeline and details or this amazing journey.  I know that I am not only writing about the story of our adoption journey as we are living it, but I am also documenting Gabrielle's journey that she will someday read and now picking back up on the adoption journey of our Chinese daughter. Wherever she is, her story has already begun with our family.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support!
Jessica (and the entire Tye family :)


"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His Holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families......" Psalms 68:5-6

"My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place, when I was made together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days of my life were written in Your book before one of them came to be." Psalms 139

"For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out; "Abba, Father"! Romans 8:15

Are we beginning AGAIN?!

(Warning this is a picture heavy post)

Well, our precious little girl is now 1 year old! I can not believe how fast time has flown.  Just a short year ago (actually 13 months ago now) I received a message that would change the lives of my family forever.  My husband, Derek, and I sat back and reflected on those events the other day together. Just remembering the frantic phone call to an adoption attorney and domestic adoption agency  - we had to COMPLETELY switch gears after all as everything we had done over the proceeding year had been in prep for an International adoption and now we were pursuing a domestic one - and how nervous we really were about everything. How we couldn't even believe that we were being offered a baby and that I would be seeing/meeting the birth mom (and our unborn baby girl via ultrasound!) just one short day after speaking to her on the phone. Less than 2 weeks later we would literally be holding our baby girl in our arms. This is the kind of thing that t.v. movies are made of, but that you don't actually experience in the real world yet this was our life!  We could not have imagined anything more incredible - not then at least.

I think this is the first time I have ever shared pics!  I hope you enjoy :)

 (Gabrielle was 1 week old in this picture :)

(at a couple of weeks old with big brother Maxwell)

(Gabrielle last Easter - she was about 1 and a 1/2 months old)

 (about 5 months at Kings Island watching her brothers ride the big roller coasters ;)

(Gabby at about 8 months old)

(9 months old - Costume Parade in our neighborhood park)

(10 months old - Thanksgiving with Daddy!)

 (11 months old - Christmas day with mommy - me! :)

Holding her "my first birthday" chalk board art that is all about her! :)

(with 2 of her older brothers on her birthday)

(This is my favorite picture of her - she is such an angel!!)

Here we are now 13 months and 4 days since watching our baby girl enter this world. I think I speak for my entire family when I say that we really continue to be amazed every day. First of all, Gabrielle is just an amazing little thing!  She has my husband, my boys, and yes - even me, tightly wrapped around those perfect stubby little fingers :)  She brings such life and laughter and joy to our home. She clearly knows and loves all of us. That in its self has become a little bit of a problem when it comes time to leave her in the church nursery - she clearly has a preference for who she stays and plays with!!  On a serious note, though, watching her grow and develop over this last year has really just been a miracle. We continue to maintain a great relationship with her birth mom, Michelle (Auntie M).  Auntie M came to Gabby's 1st birthday party as did all of Gabby's aunts and uncles and nieces and nephews. It was such an incredible time of celebrating her amazing little life!

I sometimes get lost in thought about the path God has led us down. Often I think about how things could have played out so differently. I shudder to think about if we had not listened, if Auntie M had changed her mind, if our mutual friend who originally contacted us had not done so because of her own insecurities or fears. Gabrielle belongs to this family. She was made for this family and our God knew that even as he knit her in her mother's womb - that I firmly believe. What it took to get her to her family, though, was all the people God nudged to do their part had to listen to that "still small voice" and do what they knew in their hearts they were meant to do. Thank God that for this story that is exactly what happened!  

Just about a week after Gabrielle turned one I got a call from our International adoption agency checking on how things have been going with Gabby and also reminding us that our immigration status is about to expire. This is only important if we would like to continue forward now with the China adoption Continue on?  I need to decide that now?  It just doesn't feel like it has been that long at all!  Clearly, though, it has. I can honestly tell you that Derek and I don't have an answer - still - for if we think we should pursue our China adoption. My heart screams, "YES!!", but my head says we have so much to consider. We have petitioned our friends to pray about it for us and have gone before God day after day in prayer looking for a "sign" or an answer as to how and if we are to proceed.

Part of the difficulty for me has been figuring out exactly where another little girl would fit into our family at this time. When we started down this road our plan was to adopt a toddler from China from between 18 months to about 3 years old. With our youngest son at 5 years old at the time we felt like this would be a good gap between the siblings and we honestly just were not planning to "start over" with an infant.  Then came God's plan and our perfect little angel, Gabrielle.  Now we look at everything and think, "where does our little Chinese ladybug fit in this family now?  Do we wait until Gabby is 3 and then start looking at adding a younger sister in behind her? The girls would be so close in age then...almost twins. Unless we waited several more years. I wasn't so sure that sounded like something we wanted to do. How would that affect Gabby in 2+ years when we bring another toddler girl into her world and family?  Would it be just like it was for the boys? Maybe this would be a whole new dynamic since we are looking at adding another girl?

In trying to make a decision with how to move forward we have certainly been seeking the Lord in prayer and looking for anything that He might use to help direct our path and decision making. The biggest thing we have looming ahead of us that is forcing our hands at this time is that pesky immigration status.  What that means is that in order to stay "current" and be able to continue pursuing our Chinese daughter (should we chose to do so) we needed to update our home study and then apply for an extension of our immigration status. If we do not so that and decided months or years down the road that we want to start pursuing a China adoption again it would mean many many additional fees and processes that doing it now will help us to avoid. While there are still fees and processes to "renew" everything they are substantially less. It has been a struggle to figure out if we should invest the money to continue on (on top of thousands that already have been). I mean what if we decide not to pursue this?  Why can't we have an answer as to what we want to do before making all these decisions?!

Well, this past week we decided to pay the fees associated with this process and scheduled our home study update for this morning. 

I can tell you that going into the meeting with our sweet social worker Karla who has now been working with our family for almost 2 years (she started with us in the beginning as began pursuing international adoption!) I was still 50/50 on whether or not moving forward with another adoption was still the right thing for our family.  My idea of what that was going to look like for us just made me a bit uneasy somehow and I couldn't put my finger on it. After our meeting with Karla I really felt that God was using her to tell us what He needs us to know!

We shared our concerns with her of adding another child and how we would do that and when. She almost immediately offered that perhaps we adopt a 2-3 year old soon so that our "lady bug" would fill the gap currently between Parker and Gabby.  She suggested that since Gabby is so young that it wouldn't pose an issue concerning birth order as is often a concern when adopting children into a family that already has children in place. Suddenly I felt a shift....it was like the light bulb going off in my head. It made total sense to me!  My fears about Gabrielle being affected are now pretty much a non-issue. She is too young to know any different and having a big sister would just be a bonus to her that she doesn't yet even know she is missing. I really felt like God was smiling down at me as all my thoughts processed. Like he was nodding His head and saying, " I told you that I had all this figured out. I never forgot what you had been pursuing and I knew how to work all of this out. Sit back, relax and let me show you how it can all be done just as I planned." 

How often I try to figure everything out and fret over the details and how to fit everything into place. His only instructions to us is to not worry and wait for His word. He always has a plan and it is always for the best! Now maybe this is not His plan at all. Maybe there is a different path and I am just not processing what He wants me to see yet.  I really want what God wants for us and if it is to work the way we are now imagining then I am very excited!  We love our children so much and I know that there is still so much love there for another child that is yet unknown to us.  I know that if it is blessed by God then everything will work out and our family will be strengthened, not stressed, by this addition. 

Derek and I have discussed next steps know that we need to sit back down and speak with our international adoption specialist before moving forward. She has worked with adoptive families for 25+ years and we want to make sure that we are all thinking straight about how to go about this, but I know if God is blessing it then the doors will open for us and she will confirm everything we are already feeling. I am excited to think that we could be moving forward with bringing our Chinese daughter home. I do know that I can rest in the fact that God knows who she is, where she is and exactly how we are going to get there. All we need to do is listen and have faith....He will show us the way!

Thank you for continuing to follow us along this path and to pray for our guidance. You are all so precious to us and we are so thankful for each of you.

God Bless!

Jessica and family

(Our precious children)

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."  Psalm 32:8

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." Psalm 3:5-6

One Foot in Front of the Other

Wow! It has been so long since I sat down to do an entry and SO much has happened. The last time I sat down to share with all of you was just a couple of weeks after losing my dad. I can't believe he has been gone 4 months.  It still feels like yesterday to me. I try very hard not to act like it feels like yesterday. Luckily life moves so fast that there isn't alot of time for me to sit and "soak" in my despair.  Don't get me wrong, I lived a truly blessed life and I know that. God has given me so much to celebrate and rejoice over, but it is immensely hard to think about my dad and see any of those blessings in that moment. I have said it before and I fear that I will continue to feel this way; a piece of me died with my dad that day. A much bigger piece than I thought a person could lose and continue putting one foot in front of the other.  I am not the same person I was 4 months ago.  I really have to "try" to stay focused on the positive where it pretty much came naturally before. I know that without the Holy Spirit I would be lost - truly lost! you can only lean on people so much. People only have so much to give you before they can't support you any longer. That's what is so amazing about God. He will continue to be your support - always!

Having said all that I would be remiss not to also tell you that I absolutely know what a comfort our beautiful little Gabrielle has been to me through this immense pain and loss. I can't help but to think of  Job 1:21 "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." I am not saying that I believe I lost my dad because we received Gabby, but I know that God's plan is perfect and He knew long before that I would be losing my dad. He knew the effect it would have on me and He also knew the love that I would get and give to Gabrielle (and my boys) would help hold me together. I can't explain how grateful I am that my dad got to spend precious time with my little girl. Those pictures and memories I will treasure always. Though Gabby will not remember him, she will have the knowledge that he loved her and was so proud of her in her short first 6 months of life.  

The holidays were so hard this year, but so spectacular at the same time. We were able to go to Kentucky and spend the weekend before Thanksgiving with my mom and grandma and grandpa before heading to Florida for Thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family - the Muses.  There is no where else I would have rather been.  My dad's brother and sister were there, my grandma (his mom), my cousins.....it was incredible!  I have always been pretty close to my dad's little sister, Anita, and I know how much she meant to him so it was extremely comforting to be with her. It really brought me back to how I felt in my childhood with my family.  There was a huge void without my dad there, but there was also this incredible new light and new life in Gabrielle that I think we were all so thankful for. It helped us to all concentrate on her firsts and not my dad's lasts.

Christmas was just as spectacular with our traditional Christmas Eve celebration with my husband's side of the family at our house followed by Christmas day celebrations the next day - also at our house!  For Christmas lunch we had all of my brothers (my full brother, Jason, and our half brothers, Troy, Kyle and Michael) together for the first time ever in the same place for Christmas.  My step-mom and my half brothers mom, Tippy, also joined us. Again the void was huge were my dad would have been, but the love and promise that came from us all being together was breathtaking. How could I not feel like the luckiest girl alive?  Here I am surrounded by this incredible family that my dad provided in life and brought together in his death. Whew......

Christmas dinner brought more joy as Gabrielle's "belly mom", Michelle, and her two children joined us. It is hard - impossible really - to describe what it feels like to be part of such a story unfolding. Where each turn is more epic than the one before.  Here we are sitting in our family room on Christmas day with a brand new family  - our new family - who just the year prior we did not know and couldn't imagine how God would bring us together. We laughed and enjoyed watching Gabby's 1/2 brother and sister open their gifts, enjoyed Christmas dinner together, watched the kids play and just spent time in fellowship with each other. Only God could put this all together. Yes, the last 4 months have been the hardest of my life and I suspect that I will have to continue to work at keeping my head up, but how blessed am I? Really....how blessed??  My brothers are reunited. My daughter's birth mom is a big part of our lives and family. I have the sweetest and most incredible baby girl I can even imagine - seriously! And here I am getting not only to watch, but also be a part of this! My dad's death does not make me not blessed - it makes me look more forward to Heaven than ever. I can not wait to run to my daddy's arms and tell him how much I have missed him!  Until then I will continue to pour myself into all of those wonderful people that God has put into my life and cherish each and every relationship with everything that I have.  

In one month Gabby will be one year old. I can hardly believe it is true, but it is!  She is truly such a light in our lives. My boys just absolutely adore her. The first they ask in the morning when they get up is "where is Gabby?" and the first thing when they get home from school each day is "is Gabby up from her nap?".  I don't think that she could be any more loved. She has blessed our lives immensely and I can promise you that she is one very blessed little girl!  

So shifting gears just a little bit; over Christmas break I got a call from our International Adoption Agency rep to see how things were going since the adoption of our Gabby. Remember that it was this journey that God used to lead us to the adoption of Gabrielle. Not that we would have continued on that path at the time we found about Gabby, but you may remember that China law requires that we wait a mandatory 1 year after adopting Gabby to adopt from China. Next month that mandatory period is over. During this time our file was literally put on "hold" in China. 
Well, I have to tell you that we have not yet made any decisions on the possible continuation of our international adoption journey.  It sounds crazy as I read those words I just typed!  How can I have 4 children ranging from just under 1 y/o to 11 yrs. old and even consider adding a 5th? I mean seriously we downsized our home just before starting this journey and are now busting at the seams. I don't even think we have room for a 7th person in our house!  We have to think about space, moving, time, money....oh,man!  Inside, though, I still feel that tug on my heart for our China daughter. I just don't know what to do. I guess the answer is that I want whatever God wants for my life. I know that if I walk the path he has set before me it will be blessed.  He always has a way of showing us His will. Until then I will continue to just put one foot in front of the other.....

God bless!
Jessy 

Everything can change....in the blink of an eye.

Well I know I have said this before, but this has been an unbelievable 2-3 weeks.  There have been so many ups and downs that it is hard to figure out which way is "right side up" right now. Let me start by saying that I have never experienced pain before like I have during this time.  It has threatened to completely suck the life right out of my body....seriously. It has only been through the love and support of our friends and family (many of you reading this!) and God's grace that I have been able to continue putting one foot in front of the other.  I really needed to sit down and write this blog - to get out all that I have been wanting to say I have't been able to. I think that I may finally be able to do it and I hope that perhaps through this someone else may read my testimony and be comforted in something that they are going through right now.

We started out on top of a mountain just a couple of weeks ago - as happy and high as we could be! 3 Saturdays ago as we were preparing to watch the 2nd oldest of my younger brothers get married.  My entire family was so happy. My dad would be there lighting the unity candles, my oldest son was going to be ring bearer, 2 of my other brothers were groomsmen and we were just all so happy for Troy and his new wife (who we all love and adore!). 

The wedding was beautiful....tons of family pictures taken, there was lots of celebrating at the reception with everyone dancing and laughing and enjoying each other.  I was reunited with my step mom's (Troy's mom) family who I hadn't seen in years. It was so nice to see them again and catch up a little bit. I enjoyed seeing Tippy again and talking to her - I hadn't seen her in a few years. She had been married to my dad most of my childhood years and although they had divorced many years ago it was great to see them coming together and having such a great time at such a joyous event. 
Of course, I got to introduce my children to everyone. The boys and Gabby were a hit and baby Gabby was just such a good girl through the whole day and all the events.  We got to sit at a table with my dad, his new fiance, my brothers and Derek and our children.  It was truly a great day!

On Monday Derek began moving all of our real estate business to ReMax United Associates in Montgomery. He had spoken with our Keller Williams office and let them know that we felt it would be best to make a move to ReMax. Our team and business has been growing so much (Praise God!) and we were ready to move closer to home with our team and have a large office space solely for our team. We were growing our business again and things were really looking up. It was a hectic time as he had to move all 66 listings from our old brokerage over to our new ReMax office. We were hiring 2 new buyer's agents and looking for a new admin to help assist our agents. During this time the leads just kept pouring in from our personal websites and now we were also getting ReMax leads that needed to be handled. It seemed like overnight someone had turned up the volume button!  While it was exciting and we were so thankful for the blessings (and the confirmation that this was a great move for us!) we were having a hard time transitioning our team and handling all the new leads that were flooding in while taking care of all our existing business.  Poor Derek was working all day and most nights to stay on top of everything, but he was doing a great job.

Meanwhile, I went about the task of putting together invites and an invite list for Gabby's "Adoption Day"!  Just a little more than a week away and we would be finalizing our precious baby girl's place in the Tye family - woohoo!!  A couple of days later, on Wednesday afternoon, I went to pick up her finished invitations.  Derek and I sat down together that afternoon and came up with the list of everyone that we should invite and try to squeeze into that little court room :)  Our course the grandma's and grandpa's, aunt and uncles, cousins, close friends.  We laughed about if the court room could actually hold all of us.  One thing we knew is that Gabby was loved and so supported - this would be quite a celebration! Life was going so well and we were so excited to share in this blessing with everyone who could possibly want to witness it!!

Later that night I received a phone call that would change everything - not just with the planning of Gabby's adoption day or the transition of our business, but our entire lives. There had been an accident and my dad was being rushed to the hospital.  The officer that called me Wednesday evening at 10pm advised that I drop everything and get to the hospital immediately.  Such dread I had never felt before.  I couldn't breathe. My heart was racing so fast that I literally would lose my breath. Derek ran next door and had a neighbor come sit at the house as all the kids were sleeping. My mother in law would be on her way to relieve them shortly.
We just couldn't get there fast enough, but we did everything we could to get out of the house as fast as possible.  He had been taken to a hospital across town and by the time we got there it was too late. My dad, who I had just been celebrating such a happy time with and who was young (56 y/o)and in good health, was gone.  It was in the blink of an eye - just like that.  I really couldn't believe it.  I heard the doctor and the nurse. I heard Derek but I couldn't believe them.....really I didn't believe them. My heart wouldn't accept it. I couldn't see him so I slipped further into denial that this could possibly be real. I kept praying to wake up from this horrible nightmare. Unfortunately I never woke up......

After contacting my younger brothers we all met up at Troy's house with my step mom, Tippy, to try and help support each other and sort through what had happened. How was it possible that our dad was gone?  None of us could believe it.  To complicate it there is no determined "cause of death" and we were told it could be months before we would know while we waited on a coroner's findings. To say this wasn't "fair" really didn't begin to touch on how we felt.  I had never really imagined losing a parent, but certainly never under such circumstances as these. How do you pick all the pieces up and move forward when you don't even know what the pieces are?

Over the next several days I had to lean heavily on Derek to make phone calls and help plan the final arrangements regarding my dad.  He spoke to anyone who called with concerns or condolences - I couldn't.  He talked to the hospital and funeral home - I couldn't. He helped to co-ordinate everything with my family so that they could make plans to come up from Florida for the funeral.  I tried to busy myself by getting ready for the funeral with the music selections, picture boards and even making a dvd of my dad.  It was incredibly difficult to get through those, but it helped me feel closer to my dad even though I couldn't touch him or talk to him. 

During this time we received such an outpouring of love from our friends and family.  Derek would talk to people several times a day that he would then relay their kind words and condolences to me. I received letter and cards in the mail with personal stories and messages of hope and love...several every day.  I would read those and pray and try to commit the words to memory to draw on when it got hard to breath again.  And all the meals that arrived nearly every night for the next week. Without them I don't know if my children would have had any nutritional food to eat.  The friends that came by and took the boys for outings and overnights the first few days to help them get through their grief. My mom and my mother-in-law that literally dropped what they were doing and stayed with us for the next week just to help us get through each day.
Derek would check my facebook account and read me messages that friends were leaving.  When I was able to start reading them myself I would sit with tears streaming down my face as I read dozens of private messages and dozens of wall posts. They were filled with such sincere sympathy and love that I just didn't know how to respond.  All I wanted was for my dad to be alive and for all this to go away. Reading these messages of love and friendship and compassion helped me so much more than I can ever relate back to those that provided them. I truly didn't know how much people really cared.  Even as I have sat here today typing out this blog my mail has come in and I opened one card from a very close friend of my dad with money and a note that they wanted to help us with any expenses that we may have incurred to date.  How can you not cry when you receive something like that?  This from a person that I know is in tremendous pain at the loss of my father. Someone who in spite of all they are going through and dealing with in regards to their own loss is reaching out in the most practical way they know how - no strings attached.  How blessed was my dad to have these people in his life and how blessed am I that he put them in mine?

In today's mail I also opened a letter from our adoption attorney. It is the final stamped decree of Gabrielle's adoption. Such an incredible blessing  and it is dated the day after we laid my father, her grandfather, to rest.  Probably needless to say, with the events that happened Derek and I never finished our invitation list, never addressed a single invitation and never mailed anything out as we had planned to.  There was too much pain to be able to concentrate on the immeasurable joy that came with us adopting our baby girl. I couldn't help, but think about how my dad wasn't going to be there and he would never be able to watch her grow up.  He adored Gabby.  He loved to hold her and she was his granddaughter without a doubt from the first moment he laid eyes on her. I am sad that Gabby will never know my daddy or be able to spend time dancing in his arms like he did with me 30+ years ago when I was a "daddy's little girl".  And I KNOW that he would have danced with her.......

I am thankful for my precious mother in law, Jeannie, that did come with us to witness Gabby's adoption hearing. And Derek's cousin, Bryan, and his family.  His girl's nanny for us during the week and have really gotten to know Gabby as well as anyone. It was incredible that they took time out of their days to come and support us and love on her! Even though we didn't get to invite all our friends and family, God brought us some support - he knew just what we needed - he always does.

Today was going to be my return to my job as a client educator (counselor) at PregnancyCare of Cincinnati.  I left the house this morning for my 10-4 shift, but I during my drive there I was feeling very overwhelmed and "panicky".  My heart was pounding out of my chest and I was feeling so anxious. I knew that I wouldn't be able to actually counsel anyone for a while, but I thought I could at least be there and be helpful in other ways.  I truly wanted to be there. As I walked in and started talking to the director it was obvious that I had pushed myself a little too fast.  I had been attending Tanner's football games, working on my yearbook projects at the boy's school, going to bible study, etc. this week so I didn't think that this would be any different. I thought it would actually (like the other things I mentioned) be a good distraction for me. Boy was I wrong.
All I can figure is that our work there is just so intense and emotional that while it is my heart and I absolutely know that it is what I am called to do there just isn't enough of me to give right now. God knows that even if I am in denial. My soul was not well with things and my Heavenly Father knows that better than anyone.  He knew that my desire to do this work could not win over my ability right now. My director, as well as everyone else in the office, took time to pray with me and for me and to let me know that they want me to take the time that I need - however long that may be - to grieve and rest. To get through the many tough days and weeks that are ahead and we begin to work on settling my dad's estate.
I just can not say enough about this incredible place. PregnancyCare of Cincinnati and everyone that works there are amazing.  I don't mean they are amazing when it feels good to be or when things are going well, but amazing when you can't help them and amazing when they have to pick up your slack. It's not that I expected they wouldn't be this way, but I was amazed at the level of love and compassion and understanding I saw from them today.  They are truly in the ministry and about doing God's work and letting Christ shine through them every day and in every way.  I am so blessed to be a part of this organization and so thankful! 
While I was there it was also brought to my attention that at least one donation had been made to PregnancyCare in my dad's name.  Though I had known about the donation already, it reminded me of how much that meant to our organization.  I am so grateful that I went in this morning. Even if I was sent back home it wasn't before being covered in love and prayers and being reminded that my dad really has left behind a legacy that will continue to show up and help many people in many ways.Like he wrote in the letters that I found addressed to his children, "Our actions and deeds can influence and change things, but every human being on this earth was meant to be here for some reason.  I know my children are here to do something and to enrich the lives of many...." Thank you Lord for all that you provide!

I need to bring this post to an end. If anyone made it this far I am sure that you are also looking for it to wrap up! 
I want to end with this: My dad is gone from our lives - for now. The pain of this heartbreak for me is truly so much more than I thought a person would be able to endure in this life. But through the pain and heartbreak God has shown me so many victories and blessings. Relationships with my dad's family and children have been restored and we all continue to grow closer. My baby girl was made officially a Tye and will live to carry on my dad's legacy just as his 4 boys, me and all of our children and future children will. I was able to find letters that my dad wrote to his children that assures me that he knew Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior and is in Heaven excited for the day we will all be reunited.  We had that one last weekend of pure joy and happiness with my dad just before he left this world. One where he was happy and healthy and truly excited about everything happening in his life including the blessings of his children and grandchildren.  And so much more........

I know that life goes on,  and even when I want it to just all stop while I try to pull myself and my life back together somehow, I know I can't. I am not the first person to lose a father and my children are not the first children to lose a beloved grandpa - they have actually been through this once before.   Somehow everyone figures out a way to go on.  I do know that one very important thing I will take from this experience is knowing how to love someone in a way that will truly matter to them....especially in their time of need. I have seen and felt so much love and compassion through this experience. While I do not wish this on anyone I don't think that there is an other way I could have learned this lesson. It certainly took some measure of immense loss like this to show me (and perhaps others) how to love like Christ loved others. And how little our time here on earth really is. How important how we spend each and every day and love each and every person we know, regardless of the good and bad times, is.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart and from my entire family to each and every one of you. Whether you posted a message, sent a card, provided a meal, sent a letter, showed up to offer condolences at my dad's funeral, sent flowers or prayed on our behalf - each and every little thing has been such a blessing to us. I pray each one of you and yours be blessed! I will continue to take each day as it comes and I pray that someday soon I am able to get back to the me that I knew before I lost my dad.  Much of my joy is gone, but I am trusting that God will help me get that back with the continued support of each of you and my incredible husband and children who I am forever grateful for.

"Bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ."  Galatians 6:2

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you…” John 15:12

Happy Adoption Day!!!

Gabby is 6 months old! I can't believe it was 6 months ago that we were standing in that hospital room waiting on her to make her entrance into this world. I can remember all the excitement, anticipation, the nerves.....now here we are and I just can't remember what life was like without her. She is such a joy to our lives. She just looks like love......

With the 6 month birthday also comes the date we have had lingering in the back of our minds since the day we found out about this precious little girl - the "finalization date". This is the day that the state of Ohio will "finalize" our adoption of Gabrielle and our names will go on her birth certificate as her parents. It is what many adoptive parents call the "adoption day" and is a very celebrated day - obviously! :) Gabby has been part of our family from the moment I held her in my arms just seconds after she was born. I was so blessed to be able to have that experience. But this day will be the day that makes it all final - the day that seals her as a Tye forever. We only have a few more days to wait and we will enjoy our adoption day! While this is more of a legal formality than anything, it is still very very meaningful to our family and for our baby girl.

Last Sunday Auntie M (Gabby's birth mom) attended church with us again. She has been 4 or 5 times now. It is always so nice to have her there. I just feel the spirit moving around her - us. I have never been such a direct part of such an amazing thing in my life. To not only witness the miracle and such a life changing event, but to actually be a living breathing part of it. It often leaves me in such awe of God and his infinite wisdom. As I sit there with her it's like I can feel God's arms wrapping around her....like when you are sitting next to someone and a person comes up behind the person next to you and wraps their arms around their shoulders for a hug. I literally feel that same feeling - it's that same presence. I believe that God just wants her to know how loved she is and how much he knows and loves her. Loves her despite anything that may make her feel as if she is not worthy or good enough to be loved by God or anyone else. She is no different than me or anyone else sitting in our church or any church to God. He loves her so much and wants her to feel it, to know it.

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path.”

There is nothing I want more than for Gabrielle to know her Auntie M in a positive way. For her to know that she is very much a part of her forever family and that she is so loved. I never want Gabby to feel as if she was "given up", but that rather she was blessed and is a blessing. I want Gabby to know her half brother and sister and have a positive relationship with them. Could there be any better gift to give your child, but to have them grow up loving unconditionally and understanding that they are loved unconditionally. She didn't have to do anything to be loved by our family. Our family didn't have to do anything to be loved by her.

As a matter of fact, the addition of Gabby to our family has really shown a supernatural love in the flesh to all of our children. The boys have not just talked about the addition of a baby sister, but are now living it. They see how we are integrating our family and Gabby's birth family and they have to make adjustments and open their hearts to these new people that they never knew before. It is amazing how they are so accepting of Gabby's half siblings (who we refer to as "cousins"). The entire process of adding Gabby to our family has been such an incredible blessing to us... beyond the obvious one of adding this incredibly sweet and precious little girl to our home and hearts!

This entire experience has been such unknown territory. We have no idea how we are "supposed” to do this while adoption thing. We rely 100% on God to lead the way and all we can do is put one foot in front of the other and hope that we are on the right path. I have no doubt that we will stumble and trip up along the way, but I know that God will steady us and lead us on so there is no fear only excitement for what the future holds!

Proverbs 16:9 “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”

There have been relationships restored, new friendships made, moves into new ministries and a new closeness in our home and family. As is God's way. When he works a miracle he has plans that we can't begin to imagine or realize. He looks beyond the immediate impacts that we see. I am certain that the miracle of Gabby and the way she has come to our family will be a blessing to many many people and situations that we may never know.

"Whom shall I send?"

A few years ago Derek and I were working with another couple at our church who had a vision for an outreach to inner city children. The outreach involved the kids coming out to a "farm" to explore what life was like outside of the concrete jungle. To show them the beautiful world that God had made, to love them, minister to them and give them a day experiencing things that they probably never had before. At the time we had 21 acres, a lake, horses, goats, a lamb, a pony and the desire to be used by God to help reach these children.

Our friends, J and Michelle, organized the entire event with the pastors of the Over the Rhine ministry, Prince of Peace church/Living Water Ministry, Johann & Grace and Paul & Joanna. These are wonderful Christian leaders that Derek and I had met previously while serving at the annual "Block Party" that takes place each July in OTR on the grounds of the church. Once J and Michelle had everything worked out all we really had to do was open up our property. The day of the event we had about 20 kids and some parents from OTR, members of Living Water and numerous volunteers from our church, Rivertree, to assist with the event. We did guided walks through the trails we had set up in our woods (16 acres of trails through deep woods), fed everyone, fished in the lake, learned about the animals and everyone got to take horseback rides. It was an amazing day! I was able to witness everyone having so much fun and knowing that all of the families of the people represented there that day were being touched by the hand of God. We were part of something so much bigger than all of us. I knew that our property and home was being used as I should be using any blessings I had been given. When we built our home and property there 5 years earlier I had never imagined using it to bless others like in the scale that we were able to use it that day. We built it to be a family estate originally.....something we thought we would pass down to our children. We built our "dream home", but without ever giving thought to what the "dream" was. I think it was the turning point for me and realized I wanted to use all I had to truly bless others. I began wishing that I had built a much smaller house and had instead built bunk houses on the property so we could do a longer more extensive ministry to the inner city residents (not that we would have been able to do that there really - we had built in an equestrian community that had regulations I am sure wouldn't have allowed that, but the idea was right!). It certainly changed my perspective on how to use the resources we had.

While we wanted to do another event like this it was not to be. Shortly after this event it became apparent that we would have to get serious about selling our home. The serious down turn in the economy and our enormous loss of income from our real estate business made it essential. While it was sad to move on from what had once been a dream home to us and now I was seeing for the true blessing it could be to so many others, my heart was forever changed and I knew that I wanted to be involved in serving a larger base of people. Perhaps that was how God chose to use this time in our lives to change us and our focus. I wanted to sew my resources (if I were to ever get enough to sew again! :) into the lives of people. At this time I mainly thought of all the children and young people that had come to that outreach. God was not done with me.....he was still showing me what I had yet to completely discover about my own heart and the desires he was cultivating in my life.
It was not long after that I had begun to feel God once again directing me to serve the people of OTR. This time I was certain that he wanted me to do a cooking class. I know, go ahead, chuckle - I did! I began the normal internal dialect with God explaining to him why this was a silly idea and who was I to teach something like that and how and where would I even do it?! In typical God fashion he gave me pretty clear instructions eliminating a number of my excuses and delays.

I started by calling Grace Kim at Living Water Ministry and asked her if this would be something that I could do for the ladies in the area. She confirmed what God had instructed me to do by telling me that they had wanted to offer something like this, but weren't sure how to do it or who would do it! Well, there you have it....God wanted me to go there and so I did.

The first afternoon that I showed up to "teach" the cooking class we had 6 ladies there from the Over the Rhine area. I had purchased all the groceries to go along with the meal and placed them in individual grocery bags for the ladies. The idea was that I would teach them how to make the meal, we would eat it together and then they could take the groceries that were provided for them home and make it for their families. It gave us time to fellowship, pray and enjoy each other's company. That was such a powerful night! After the success of this class our plan was to offer this "class" every month. However, that was the last class I ever gave. When I showed up for the next month's class no one else did. Grace and I waited and prayed and I taught Grace how to cook the meal I had planned to prepare that afternoon (what a precious godly woman she is!) and then I left. It was hard to take at first. I felt like a failure. I thought if I had done something different, something better, then maybe the women would have come back out again. I replayed the last class over and over in my head. Had I done something wrong? Said something wrong? I asked God why he thought I could do this? Why did I think I could do this? Maybe this had never been God’s idea at all.

I began to feel silly for even believing God would choose me to do something like this. I am insecure and broken in so many areas of my life, I thought.  It is amazing how you can talk yourself right out of being able to do anything that would allow you to be a blessing to others! And how the enemy will work on those insecurities and build entire thought mountains around them.  Oh how he loves to stop us from doing what he knows God has called us to!

Accepting God’s direction that I should then instruct a “cooking class” to a group of strangers had been a real act of faith for me. I have been trying for years to overcome extreme shyness/insecurity and I'll bet if you asked most people they would describe me as outgoing and gregarious. The truth is that is who I try to be - it is who I want to be and who I feel I need to be. I guess if you practice something long enough it can become easier and easier until it almost becomes who you are.....almost. The rest I leave up to God. I have prayed for confidence for years. I have tried to tell myself over and over whom I am to God and that I am not my past, my failures or hurts. Maybe this too is something that God has been able to use to serve others that may appear to be more broken from the outside. Maybe he can really use me to help reach them because my insides don't look that much different. The only difference is that Jesus has patched mine all back up just like he can do for them. It certainly can help me relate, that I know for sure!

Even so I still felt like I just wasn't ready to be really used by God. How could he use someone like me to minister to other women? Well, he would - I just needed some more refinement perhaps and all in his perfect timing.

Only now am I able to see how and why God was preparing my heart and mind for what he would have me to do now. Over the course of the last several years he has been working at refining my heart and molding me into the person that he could use for His ministry. I was not ready then....I don’t know that I am 100% ready now, but I know now what I didn't know then. I know that even though there was never to be a 2nd cooking class to the women in OTR I know that it had nothing to do with me. I was not the reason they came to the first one either. It was never about how "cleaned up" my life was. It had nothing to do with my plans or expectations. I was being used - used by God to facilitate HIS plans and what he wanted to accomplish there. I believe that he was working on me to prepare me for the greater plan he has for my life and probably working on the heart(s) of others that were there that night – that part I may never know. I wouldn't be ready to be used until I could be humble enough to realize it wasn't about what I could do or what I didn't do. It was all about what God would do...I just had to be the willing vessel.

2 Cor 4:7 reveals: “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”

Well, willing is certainly what I am!  Here it is several years later and I am now doing volunteer work at the Pregnancy Care center of Cincinnati. This is what they mean when they say if you do what you love then you will not be working at all! It is a Christ centered ministry that works to educate and assist young pregnant women that they may ultimately choose life for their child. In addition they are ministered to so that they won’t go out of this center as the same person they were when they came in. Hopefully they will go out into the world as a new creation in Christ. In my position as a Client Educator I will be able to work with women that are pregnant (or fearing they may be pregnant) and minister to them.

2 Cor 5:17 “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”

I know that this is what God had been preparing me for! It all came together for me when God put me directly in the path of a former director of the center who told me all about this woman focused ministry. God brought clearly to my mind my experiences with Living Water ministry, the OTR outreaches, cooking classes, my desire to work in some capacity in the general field of adoption, etc. I had felt that my goal was to "save the babies" and while that is certainly what I want that is not where it starts. Even when I didn't realize it my desire had been to serve and love and minister to women all along. My past allows me to identify with women that are broken and hurting. It will enable me to understand how it will feel for them to hear that God loves them right where they are and that he truly has a plan and an unconditional love not only for them, but also for their unborn child. He was preparing me all these years to show that to these women so that they, too, might understand and learn how to love themselves and the precious lives that they were now carrying. It is the Holy Spirit that can show them a new way of life and help them to live the life that God would have for them, too.
This is what God has been refining my heart and life for. I would not be able to accomplish any of this successfully on my own accord. If I had only had successes in my past I would possibly still be thinking how accomplished I am and how ready I am to do whatever God needs. God uses broken people to reach the broken. If I thought I had all the answers then I would probably think that I can teach people what they need to know - pushing my desires for their life on them. “I know God and I know the Bible and surely that means I can tell others what they don't know, right? How they can do and be better - like me.” That sure sounds prideful to me .....and quite familiar when I look at who I probably was more like just a few short years ago! It's not that I set out to be that way - I don't think any of us really do, but it is what will happen if we don't check ourselves and our pride at the door. We have to be willing to be used and know that it is not because of how "good" we are. It is because of how good He is!
That is what God had to change in my heart (or at least part of what he worked on changing! :). I had to learn to put the needs of others ahead of my own desires. To see others as Jesus sees them and be willing to serve them regardless of what I get or don't get out of a situation. Regardless of  if I feel like I am appreciated or needed by them. Like when no one shows up....I have to know that it is not about me. I have to want God to use me to fulfill His purpose and then show up when he says to. He will do the rest! Sometimes I may feel like things aren't working or I failed in doing what he needed done, but I have to remember to humble myself again and know that God can do things in spite of what I may or may not do right. I am willing and I will love those he wants to know that they are loved and that is all he asks of us.

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for Us?" And I said, "Here I am. Send me!" Isaiah 6:8

To think that on this journey I was blessed with my beautiful baby girl! She really doesn't get any more “believable”, but rather more “unbelievable” every day. I still look at her and just swell with emotion. I am truly unworthy, but I am thankful and honored that I am her mom.  She is a true gift from God and a constant reminder of His grace, mercy and plan for my life….as are all three of my boys. No matter how they came to us, our children are gifts from God!

My involvement in this ministry is brand new and I am sure that it will also prove to show me constant reminders of His grace and mercy and the need to continue to look to Him for guidance. "Saving babies" is what I desire to do while being part of this ministry at the Pregnancy Care Center, but my first objective is the one God has laid on my heart. It is to love the women that he will put in my path. It is to allow Him to work through me as I minister and counsel the women I will meet. It is to show them the love of Christ so that they may ultimately know Jesus as I do and begin to see and understand what path God has laid out for them and the lives. Not only will these women have a profound effect on the lives of their families for future generations, but what I am embarking on will also have profound effects on my family for future generations. God is so good and I am so excited to see where He will lead us next!