"You were made for such a time as this."

Esther is a well known heroine of the Bible was an orphan who was adopted and raised by her uncle before becoming a Queen, wife of King Xerxes, of Persia. The story of how Esther became the queen is well known to me, as is the often heard quote "but for such a time as this" (Esther 4:14). It was when my mother in law, Jeannie, referred to me as an "Esther" and quoted the above mentioned to me in reference to my life and the events that are unfolding that I humbly wanted to go back to the Book of Esther and read it again. I wanted to meditate pray fully on the verses, the story, God's living word. Jeannie is a true woman of God - in the truest sense of the word. When you get something like this from her you listen! I mean me - how did she see anything in me or my life that could be likened to Esther of the Bible?

As I studied the story from a new perspective, several things jumped out at me. First, I started to realize that Esther, like most of us, shrunk away from what she did not see as desirable or that might cause her discomfort (or really in Esther's case, death). As Mordecai taught her to pray for what God wanted for her and not what she wanted for herself, God's word is speaking directly to us. I know that most often I will pray for what I want and not what God would have for me and/or my family. I mean I will usually add "if it's your will, God", but the turth is (and He knows it's in my heart!) that I want him to not actually listen to that part. Especially when I know what I want/need and I think I have figured out how it could or should happen. I am more less saying, "okay, God, I have this one figured out all on my own in all my infinite wisdom so if you could just bless this and see that MY will be done then everything will be good." Kind of sounds ridiculous when I type it out in black and white!

Another thing I am certain God wants to point out to those of us reading the story of faithful Esther, is that God will put us in positions and places to be used by him and for his purpose. I also know that we have freewill and often, even at God's urging (whether known or unknown to us) we will simply not follow through as he intends. When that happens he will simply find another person or that opportunity will be lost or something of consequence that God did want for us can happen in our lives. I am sure that there have been many many things that I have not accomplished that God had set out before me, but I know that there are many that I have.

The interesting thing is that as I mediated on God's word through the story of Esther I was reminded that the first adoption agency we contacted to pursue our Chinese adoption we were turned away from. That's right, we were denied using their services. Not only was my pride hurt, but I was heartbroken! After reviewing our file I got a phone call (while in Kroger’s) in which they broke the news to me. We had just filled out the preliminary paperwork and were waiting on them telling us that we were good to move forward. After I hung up with the very sorry and apologetic girl from the agency I stood there just stunned. I was shocked and hurt. Sadness completely swept over me standing there in the bread aisle. I do not know what I must have looked like to other shoppers, but I assume at the least they must have noticed the color drain from my face and the tears beginning to roll down my cheeks.

I immediately called Derek as I walked away from my cart and out of the store. I really don't even remember my walk back out to my car. It's amazing I didn't get flatten crossing the parking lot - my local Kroger is one busy place!!
By the time I got to the car I was crying..... body shaking sobs. After all our conversations, our prayers, our confirmations that moving forward with adoption was the right thing for us, I couldn't believe this hit. Notice I didn't begin praying for God's direction or even confident that this was God's work and that he had actually closed this door, but I rather I was distraught, upset and felt defeated. Wow, how I can get so caught up in my moments and my "stuff" that I just carry the weight of the world on my shoulders - shoulders that were never meant to bear the weight. It is a recipe for disaster.

Well, of course, we decided that this could NOT be God's will for us and that we would contact the other agency we had been speaking with and see if they had the same reservations. My spirit was lifted as I hung up the phone with that agency and we were encouraged that they would love to get our file started right away. I took this as a sign that God had just wanted us to use this agency for whatever reason and moved forward. Fast forward almost a full year later and we had flown through the international adoption process, approvals were secured and were now waiting on a referral for our daughter from China. Within days of wrapping all of this up I was contacted by a friend of a friend with news of the birth of who was to be my daughter. It wasn't like God didn't know this 10 months earlier and he was now scrambling to get a family set up for this little girl. He knew before she was ever conceived who's family she would be part of. So why then did Derek and I do so much work, invest so much money and spend so much time to adopt a little girl from China that was stopped in its tracks? Well, I don't know. Yep, I said it. I hope that I will someday understand what this process has been all about. Am I to still pursue our daughter in China? Am I to pursue ministry work to these precious children? Maybe, all we did was simply to open the door for someone else who would have never considered such an opportunity before? Again, I do not know....I may never know.

 Unlike when I started this process I now understand that I am not infinite and all knowing (as much as I often try to convince my family that I am! ;). I am not living out my life, but the life God wants for me if I will only take it and follow his direction. That life is interestingly enough not all about ME, but rather what God can use me for to achieve his purpose and plan. Like Esther, I am made for such a time as this, and so is anyone else that would give their life to Jesus and be willing to live for his purpose and not their own. At times I am frightened, disappointed and hurt - often actually. No one should ever make you believe that walking out what God has for you will be easy - it's not! I can promise you that it will be so worth it though and that the joy and blessings you will receive along the way will be so much greater and so much more than you could ever come up with on your own (or even with the help of others!).

"For if you remain silent now, then relief and deliverance will come to the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. Who knows if you haven't come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14

God's plan will come to light even if you are unable or unwilling to participate, but if you will listen for his voice and follow where he wants you to go he can and will use you to further his kingdom here on earth. Why should that really matter? How many people do you want to lead to Christ? I want people to know a love like I know. A plan for their life that isn't in vain. I want to live out what God has called me for - what I am made for!

Here I am living out this blessed life now with a daughter added to my precious family. A daughter that brought with her a relationship with her "belly mom" (as my friend's daughter referred to Auntie M - the "birth mom"), with her half brother and half sister, her grandmother and all the incredible journeys that are to come with all of this. My entire family has been forever affected by this. I know that God loves us and he loves our new family from our "belly mom", as well. He brought us together.

This is a moment that I was made for! I know there are many more to come even and that is beyond exciting. I mean how could it get better than this? But for God......

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." ~ Proverbs 3:5,6

Long overdue.....

Well, it has been almost 3 months since I have enter a new blog entry and that is entirely too long!  So much happens around here every single day. I need to get it all out on paper or I will lose track and forget some of the incredible events that make up our lives.

I would like to go back to a few days after I wrote my last blog (which was entered on March 29, 2012) and talk a little bit about the month of April....okay, well really it is pretty much going to just be about Easter weekend. 
One of the most amazing events of that month was most certainly our celebration of the Resurrection of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. It was an entire weekend celebration, really.  Starting with an incredible Good Friday Service at our church Friday evening.  Of course after having the miraculous events of the past couple months happen to our family sort of changes your perspective on nearly everything happening in your life.  Everything suddenly has new meaning and importance that you maybe didn't notice before.  Good Friday has always been an incredibly significant day for our family and the celebration of our faith and our God. This year the emotions were almost impossible to contain.  As I held my 6 week old baby girl and sang praises to my Lord I was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed with the love that God has for me....for us.  I was overwhelmed by the realization that we are all adopted into the family of God.  That God has such a heart for all of his children - so much so that he gave us Jesus that we might all accept him and be saved. As a mother, the reality of Jesus' death certainly hit harder than it had before motherhood, but now even another dimension had been added as a mother of an adopted child. Here I am holding this precious little life in my arms that did not come from my flesh or my husband's flesh yet she could not be any more mine. She could not be any more a part of us than she is.  The love that we feel for her is no different than the love that we feel for our sons.....flesh of our flesh. There is nothing that she had to do to "earn that love" or please us enough for us to love her.  She doesn't have to be "good enough" or "perfect enough". We accepted her and loved her before we had ever met her....before we had seen even so much as a picture of her. We loved her before I could touch her or even hear her heartbeat. It really gives you a new perspective on how God could feel what he feels for us. It is possible to love like this because of God's love inside of you.  Our God is so good!

 All who believe are adopted as children of God:
"But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God." ~ John 1:12
“In love he predestined us for adoption through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace.”  ~ Ephesians 1:5

On Saturday the weekend festivities continued with an Easter Egg hunt and kid's celebration at our church (another first, as is everything for Gabby!).  My brother, Jason, and his family joined us. Watching my boys and my nephews, Tyler and Nathan, run around, dance and sing as our children's church leaders sang praise and worship songs was so joyful.  Gabby had at least 15-20 pint sized visitors come over to greet her while all the festivities were happening.  Many of the children in the church are just crazy about her. They are drawn to her like I have never seen them drawn to any other baby.  It makes you wonder if the innocence of children is able to make it easier for them to recognize something that often as adults we pass by.  The pure miracle that was all God's plan to bring her into the life she knows now and to be part of our family - she is a Tye!

I think as adults we get so caught up in making sure that we have everything "just so"....buttoned up and in the box so it is nice and neat and looks pulled together.  We shy away from anything that might make us too uncomfortable or uneasy. Or anything that society might look at and think it odd or too different to work. Kids don't worry about those perceptions or about being messy!  They approach life with such excitement and interest, throwing caution to the wind - ha!
Adoption probably falls into that category for many of us....messy. It just has too many unknowns, too many things can go wrong.  What if the child doesn't like us? What if they resent being adopted?  What if our friends and family have an issue with us having another child in our family? Will we have enough room?  Enough money? Enough love? What if she has health problems? Can we take care of her? What if we have issues with her birth mom? The birth mom's family? What if the biological father shows up? What if our boys don't like having a sister? What if she is treated "different" her whole life because she is adopted? What if, what if, what if!
I am in the middle of an incredible bible study right now by Jennifer Rothschild and the chapter we are in right now is taking about just that the "what ifs". Are your thoughts full of God's promises and wonders per his Word or are they full of worry and "what-ifs"? Worry chokes out the life giving truth that God wants us to fill out thoughts with every day. If we aren't able to concentrate on his truth and promises it is very hard to move forward into what God has for us.   We need to be abel to move forward!
 I know that the hesitations that Derek and I had were often many of these. In truth, some of these we are or have experienced through this process. Adoption is messy. It doesn't fit into a box and it certainly doesn't come with instructions. It is the most beautiful mess I have ever seen, though! We just try to feel our way forward every single day and every single day God meets us.  Every time I look at our baby girl I am reminded of what a miracle she is! Her life, her story, everything surrounding her.....it is just incomprehensible.

So finishing up our Easter weekend we went to Sunday's church service at Rivertree as a family with my mother in law, Jeannie, and then we all went out to Easter brunch.  After brunch we headed home to rest a little from the events of the last few days.  Being on the go is very "normal" for our family, as always seem to have so many events packed into every weekend (well every day really).  The rest of this Easter Sunday we had planned to spend quietly at out house with our boys and new baby girl.  Shortly after arriving home I got a message from Gabby's birth mom that said, "Happy first Easter Gabby! Happy Easter to the family...love you guys."  After asking "Auntie M" (this is how she has chosen to be known to Gabby, although Gabby will know that she is her birth mom) how her day had been and if she was enjoying her family time we realized that she was having a terrible day. 
I felt that immediate tugging on my heart - the one that God does when he is wanting me to do something....typically something uncomfortable or at the very least something that makes my day more "messy". 
Within a few minutes I texted her back to see if she would like to come over for an Easter dinner with us.  I actually hadn't planned one, but knew that we would have to eat at some point after our lazy around time so I figured that it wouldn't be that hard to set another spot. Besides it was hard to deny that this was what God wanted to happen.  This would be the first time Auntie M had seen Gabrielle since the permanent surrender dinner back on Feb. 22. 
I was nervous about how it would go really.  Would this be salt in a wound for her?  Would she see our house and our family in our "real world" at home and think she had made a big mistake. We had been built up pretty high by a mutual friend (at least that's how I felt) and God bless her heart, but I felt like I couldn't be and wasn't all those things she described. Auntie M had never been to our house before and here she is coming over in less than an hour!  Wow, anxiety started to mount as I let the doubts and negative thoughts creep in. The "what-ifs" were piling up and I was becoming fearful of how things were going to go. Ah, so that is why God says not to let those thoughts fill your mind?!
About an hour later Auntie M arrived at our front door.  There were a few awkward minutes while we all got adjusted to being around each other again. How do you define these roles anyway?  Man, it would be nice if there was an instruction manual sometimes!  I am the mom, but she is "the" mom, too. Derek is the dad, but clearly he is not "the" dad.  How do we all fit in this new family that we have?  How about my boys? They are Gabby's brothers and so proud of it, but what about her young 2 year old son.  He is also Gabby's brother.
Since this was the first time we had seen each other in over a month, she came alone. Not bringing her 3 y/o daughter or 2 y/o son.  I cooked dinner while Derek, the boys, Gabby and Auntie M played outside - it was a gorgeous day!  Everything actually went very smoothly.  I would peak outside and they were laughing, tossing ball with the dog, the kids were playing.  It seemed almost normal....what is "normal" anyway?!  I don't think that would be a term to describe our family any longer - if it ever was!

Dinner went well. Auntie M enjoyed everything I had made and, as usual, we joked that I had introduced her to many new foods and flavors - I am a bit of a self proclaimed "foodie".  After dinner we made our way into the family room and relaxed on the couch talking and taking the occasional picture (for Gabby's scrap book that I WILL be working on eventually).  It was a really good time. We talked about the events and effects of the last 6 or 8 weeks and how we were all adjusting.  We laughed and even almost cried a little.  At around 10:00pm we wrapped up the evening and M went home. 

It was a very emotional day from sun up to sun down (we have been having alot of those recently!) and it was also amazing!  I know that to say that I don't really know how to put it into words sounds really silly - after all I AM writing about it!  I just don't have the right words to express the emotion that is associated with this experience as a whole. Everything is new. Even the emotions are on a level that I am not sure I have experienced before. 
I mean take the birth of Gabrielle for instance. Of course I know the emotions associated with having a baby - I have given birth to 3 of them - but to watch my baby being born from another woman is immensely different.  Here is my baby (and trust me I felt like that from the first doctor's appointment and seeing her little image on that ultrasound screen) being born not of my body, but yet I feel the same connection to her that I did my babies that were born of my body.  When she cried my heart lept out of my chest in the same way.  When the doctor laid her on her mom's belly, though it wasn't my belly. It was her birth mom's belly, M's belly.  That fact was a fact that would always be with our family. I was crying for me, I was crying for her and I was crying for our baby girl, I was crying for my husband, I was crying for the overwhelming joy I couldn't contain.....whew, that is alot of crying!

Right now I am certain of only one thing and that is that I am totally in love with our little girl and that all of us that have any part in her life only want the best for her - that is why we are all here, together. It is all about her.  With God's grace and mercy we will get through this and even more than get through this - we will live this wonderful miraculous life out together. We have all gained so much in this adoption. It really is true - love is what it is all about. We have leaned on God heavily over the past several months in a way we maybe never have before. Trusting him to show us the way and open the doors that needed to be opened while closing the ones that were not right for us. Always with faith in His plan, hope for our future and knowing that God's love in us would be enough for what we were going to do.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." ~1 Corinthians 13:13

Every good and perfect gift comes from above!

Our precious baby girl is now 1 month old! As I sit here typing out my latest blog (and first one in nearly a month!) our sweet little Gabrielle is curled up sleeping sound on the sofa right next to me. I still can hardly believe she is real....that she is really here and part of our family. She is just so perfect - a perfect fit into our lives. A perfect gift from God!
"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." James 1:17 (ESV)

It has not been easy to figure out what our new "normal" is going to be - as it is with any new mom, of course! - but I think we are really close to getting there. This past week I have been able to get back to some sort of workout schedule and with the beautiful weather I have been able to start jogging with Gabby in the jog stroller (and usually Parker on his bike being our "pace setter"). I am so thankful for this. The first few weeks it was just so hard learning how to function being so sleep deprived that I really didn't want to get off the couch until at least noon. I understand that is the case for most new moms (certainly was for my first three!), but I felt so guilty and ridiculous having not actually given birth yet still feeling like I needed to lay around so much. I think my body was just really struggling with the lack of rest at first. Somehow it seems like I am finally starting to adjust. It wasn't all bad, though...spending that time holding my baby girl, bonding with her, has been priceless! For several weeks nearly every morning was spent just me and Gabby getting to know each other and I was totally falling head over heels in love.
It seems like Gabrielle is finally starting to fall into a pattern with her sleep and her day, too. Now at nearly 5 weeks old she is spending more time awake and interacting with me. She is amazing....she just stares at me with those beautiful blue eyes listening to everything I say to her, I sing to her and pray with her. She is such an amazing little person. I am so humbled by the amazing grace of my God and how he would trust the life of this incredible little girl to us. Trust her to me, to Derek and to each of our boys! What an incredible responsibility and blessing!

Of course, bringing a newborn into your home comes with many adjustments for everyone. I was most nervous for my boys and how this may affect their lives. While all three were very excited and "on board" with the adoption from day 1 it's still completing changing the dynamics of our family, as it would for anyone. I did notice the first week that Parker (my baby boy :) was more reserved than normal. He is usually little lover and will give me hugs, kisses and just generally wants to cuddle with me anytime I will have him. I LOVE this about him, but since he is already 5 and I figured time was running out on seeing alot of these things from him. I was sad to think that Gabby coming home had put an abrupt end to it. It seemed like Parker immediately decided he was now a big brother like Max and Tanner and he was going to act the part. Well, thank God it didn't last long and my little guy is back to "normal" - hugging, kissing and cuddling mommy again! :) Parker is the one who spends the most time at home with Gabby and me since he is only in preschool a few hours a week. He helps me with her baths always grabbing her towel for me, getting me wash cloths and kneeling next to the tub where she stares at him while I soap her up. He talks to her and tells me how much she loves her baths because "girls like to be clean" :) Parker is constantly asking if he can help change her diaper - of course bolting out of the room if it is anything more than wet!
Max has jumped in and been so helpful with Gabby. Her arrival has brought out this really mature side of Max that is amazing. If he sees that I need to get something done he offers to hold Gabby or feed Gabby for me. If she is fussing in her swing or in her crib he will ask if he can give her a pacifier or turn some music on or a mobile going for her. He is always the first to try and soothe her. He really cares for her well being and can't stand to see her in any discomfort for even a second.
Tanner, my oldest son, is very interested in everything about her day. He loves to help me get her dressed and just loves to see how cute she looks all dressed up. He gets a kick out of her little shoes and hair bows. We put her in things and just ooh and aah all over her - and always one of us will say "go get the camera!". Tanner enjoys reading all the cards that our friends and family have sent to her and to us. He also enjoys reading books to Gabby while rocking her in the glider in her room.
All three boys have just been amazing with her and really love spending time with her in their own ways. What an incredible blessing!

In her first short month of life, Gabby has had a photo shoot, a dedication to the Lord, a "Welcome Party", spent time getting to know most of her family and many many new friends, attended her first women's bible study group, attended her first "small group" bible study, attended her brother's sporting events, gone on several real estate appointments with mommy and so much more! She has just been a joy through all of it. She just fits so perfectly into our family and we cant imagine our life without her now.
I can't help but to still look at her and wonder "why us?"....what did we do to deserve this incredible gift? We are not special, but we have been given this very special little person. Sometimes those questions are met with answers in my head that we are clearly NOT deserving - how could anyone be deserving of this, least of all us?  What I have realized through my bible studies and prayers is that we are human and so we are flawed, but it is our willing hearts and minds that God looks for regardless of how "undeserving" we may be (Proverbs 21:2, 1 Chronicles 28:9, 2 Corinthians 9:8).
We have to step out when He calls us to. We have to be willing to be uncomfortable and change up what we feel like is working just fine. I always say "if it isn't broke don't fix it", but that won't work with God! He is always asking us to step out of what we know and find routine and neat and tidy to do His will. Sometimes we follow and sometimes we pretend we don't hear."God is continuously checking out the heart of man.  He is not looking to blame or find fault.  He is looking to bless. " ~M. Cortright

I am so thankful for such a gracious and loving Lord that would trust us such a responsibility. I am grateful that this process has given me a reason to write for God's glory and tell the story of an incredible loving and gracious heavenly Father. A Father that equally loves and cares for all of his children and wants everyone to know that He longs to bless them in ways that can't even be numbered. I pray that I am able to walk out God's plan for my life and be the parent He requires me to be to all of our children.

Before I wrap up this blog I want to give some stats on Gabrielle's amazing growth! When she was born she was 7lbs 1.8ozs and about 19 1/2" long (there is some debate on how accurate the length is!). At her first doctor appt (a couple of days after her birth) she was 6lbs 7ozs and 19 1/2". This past week we learned she has grown to 9lbs 7oz and is 20 1/2" long! That is 3lbs in 1 month :) At least now she is finally starting to get some cute little rolls on her legs and arms - they were so skinny when she was born!


"He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His loving kindness toward those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him. For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust."--Psalm 103:10-14

This is a day the Lord has made!!

I can hardly believe that it has been a full week since our lives were forever changed by the birth of our miracle baby girl!

I really want to recount all the details of that event not only to share with everyone who has been following us on this journey, but also in an effort that as life happens I don't forget or mix up the details. So here we go........

Sunday morning, Feb. 19, 2012 Derek and I show up at the hospital at 7:50am for the 8:00 induction of the birth mom (M.) of our highly anticipated little princess that we now know as Gabrielle! I was as nervous as I had ever been about anything else in my entire life. I had not been able to sleep the night before for the anticipation of her birth! I was armed with my Dunkin' Donuts coffee though which was certainly helping to make me wide awake. Actually I am not sure that it was even needed because as much as I was nervous I was incredibly excited! I wanted to yell through the halls of the hospital that my daughter was being born today. It was another one of those strange moments where I felt certain I was relating more to fathers in an impending birth situation than the mother that I had been 3 times previously.

Just before 8:00am M. texted me to let me know they had just pulled in the parking lot. This is REALLY happening I thought! Derek and I held each other for a few minutes praying and comforting each other....it was a special moment. Calm before the storm.

M. stepped off the elevator with her mom. I had never met "grammy" before so this was a big first. We all embraced for hugs and a few tears and made our way toward the door for the family birthing area.

Once admitted in, M. was settled in to the bed and promptly hooked up to an IV to start fluid. Within the hour they had her hooked up to Pitocin and checked for progress. We couldn't believe that she was still only 3cm dilated! This may be a long wait we started to think. Every 1/2 hour or so they "turned up" the Pitocin so that by 12:30 she was getting a pretty steady high dose of the synthetic hormone. Contractions were coming and sometimes intense, but they were not any more regular and she was not progressing in her dilation either.

During this wait, Derek, grammy (M.'s mom) and I talked and kept busy on any one of the 6 or 8 technical devices we all had with us in the room ;) It was surreal...

Finally around 1:00pm the doctor decided that she wanted to break M's water and see if that would get us moving faster in the right direction. Shortly after her water was broken, M's contractions became stronger although not very regular still. She did decide after about an hour to go ahead and get an epidural. Around 3:00pm she started feeling like the contractions were getting painful lower in her abdomen so the nurse thought maybe she would need to check her bladder and/or call the anesthesiologist back up to make sure he didn't need to adjust her epidural.

About that time I noticed that with each contraction our baby's heart rate was dipping. It was only minutes after noticing that the doctor appeared in the room and was checking her vitals. I figured that the doctor must have been watching the monitor from the back room. Shortly after entering the room the doctor announced that she would like to check M's progress. She checked her and saw that she was now complete and the baby was coming!


Within seconds the room was full of nurses, equipment and lights was coming down out of the ceiling and the doctor was washing up! I kept thinking, "This is it!! Our daughter is coming!!!” I positioned myself up at M's shoulder with camera in hand. Contractions were coming hard and M pushed. The doctor told her on the next contraction that "we are going to have a baby"! Second contraction came and M pushed with all she had and baby Gabrielle was here! It had taken only 2 contractions and less than 10 minutes and here she was. She started crying right away...great sign! She was placed on M's stomach and cleaned up briefly, her umbilical cord clamped. As we had planned, the nurse handed me to scissors so I could cut the cord. I was shaking so badly and my eyes so full of tears that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it. The symbolism of this moment was not lost on me, though. Here was our daughter still connected by a single cord to the woman who had carried her safe and sound for 10 months. The woman who was allowing me to cut that tie and begin a bond of my own to my daughter. The love and bond that M had desired for her baby girl all along.

After cutting the cord she was then taken straight over to the newborn warming station. She was measured, weighed, diapered and dressed and handed to her mom (which M. had made very clear already)..... Who was me :) I gazed at her briefly in my arms before handing her over to her "grammy" who was anxious to hold her grand-daughter. This had all unfolded in the delivery room in a matter of minutes and I just couldn't believe that she was here in our arms!

As soon as we could we had Derek come in the room (he had been waiting outside the door with his ear pressed to it for 20 minutes waiting on permission to enter!! :)As soon as he entered I could just see his heart was melting from his facial expression! He was crying almost immediately as he held his daughter in his arms for the first time. The first thing he said was, "Hi baby. I am your daddy and I love you." It was an amazing moment that will always be frozen in time for me. He looked at me and said, "Jess, she is perfect." It was almost a whisper - a thankful thought spoken out loud.

Within a few minutes the doctors were done working with M and we were allowed to go to her side. The first thing we did was hand her Gabrielle. It was so amazing to watch Gabby and M gaze at each other in those few moments. It was such an incredibly spiritual and emotional exchange...so full of peace and love that surpassed worldly understanding. Another moment I will never forget and look forward to trying to convey to Gabrielle when she is old enough to understand her life/birth story.


Most of the many hours of that afternoon and evening are a blur. We were all physically tired (most of all M!), emotionally spent and mentally exhausted. As soon as M was cleared to eat we knew we had to order a celebration dinner and that is exactly what we did! Our "angle on earth", Teena, had arrived at the hospital to visit so the four of us ordered a huge steak dinner and all the sides from Outback Steakhouse. Teena went to pick it up and we all ate in the hospital room together while recounting the amazing events of the last week and of the day. All during this time Derek and I were getting messages and phone calls of congratulations on our baby girl. I must have received at least 200 myself! It was reading all these messages, prayers and well wishes that propelled Derek and I through the next several days. I really felt that M was also getting an amazing boost from the very same messages. It was a confirmation for her that what she was doing was the right thing. She could see, hear and watch all the love that we are surrounded with. And when I say "we" I don't just mean me and Derek. I mean her, too. Most of my messages, texts and phone calls all included inquiries about the "birth mom". Our friends and family were concerned about her, too. They couldn't imagine how difficult of a decision this must be for her and truly cared to know how she was doing. I know this was the love of God, the light of Jesus coming out from these amazing people in our lives. I have always thanked God for all the amazing people in my life, but it was now that I realized how truly amazing they really are! I know that this had always been God's plan and that He had his people in place long before we knew what he was assembling us for and oh, what an realization it was. Praise God!

At around 7pm Sunday night our nurse came in to tell us that the hospital was going to be able to move us down the hall into side by side rooms and that Derek and I would be able to keep Gabrielle in our room! Within the hour we were moved to our new rooms. The hospital had even moved 2 beds into mine and Derek's room so he wouldn't have to sleep in the lounger! It was so incredible.

The 4 of us continued to stay up talking and visiting for several more hours that first night. Gabby was passed around and cuddled by each one of us. She was just so perfect! At around 2am we finally turned in for the night.....what an adventure that first day had been.


Monday morning came fast. It was a long tiring night for all of us. M was next door in her own room and being checked on every few hours (read: no sleep) while we were in our room and Gabby being cheeked on every 2 hours (read: no sleep). We stopped trying to nap around 7am and went ahead and got up and dressed for breakfast. It was really strange to be in the hospital with my baby and not be going through the physical discomforts and issues that typically come along with such an event. While I wasn't personally dealing with these things my heart did go out to M who was next door (hopefully resting!) and was dealing with all of those discomforts while adding the pain that no doubt she was experiencing both emotionally and physically from her decision to give her baby to us. I knew why she was doing it and I knew that she truly believed in her decision and her concern and love for her daughter's life obviously the driving force behind it, but I also knew that wasn't going to stop the pain that would surely engulf her at some point. Not knowing how to help her through that or even if I could was a terrible feeling.


Derek went down to get us breakfast shortly after 7am and though I really wanted to see how M was doing we decided to leave her alone in case she was able to get some sleep. We left our door open all morning in case she came out of her room and wanted to stop in to see us and/or Gabby. By 9am I was dying to invite her over, but still didn't want to bother her. After a little while of waiting and debating I finally just texted her and said to come on over if she wanted some company. A few minutes later she joined us in our room and stayed with us the rest of the day. That morning the photographers came in to take pictures of Gabby and we got to share in that together. We were both oohing and aahing over the adorable little poses they put her in and how angelic Gabrielle looked in each shot! It was so fun to share that moment together, too.

Derek, M and I settled in to our room and took turns holding and feeding Gabby while we talked about how we were feeling and how little sleep we had each gotten. Again a surreal moment......

By late morning, my sister-in-law Sarah, stopped by the meet Gabby and my boys and mother-in-law came in too. It was a very special time for all of us and it felt right to share that together with M. While everyone was visiting with Gabby; M, Derek, the boys and I played Apples to Apples right there on the hospital bed - Tanner had bought this special travel edition specially to bring to the hospital so we could play games there :) We would forever be a family now and I was so glad that my family was getting to meet her and spend time with Gabby's first mom. I knew how great M was and I wanted everyone else to meet her and see what an incredible person she was, as well. M also said she really wanted to meet everyone and enjoyed being a part of those moments. Everything felt so right and I knew God's hand was in every single detail!

Later that afternoon even our dear friend, Amber, stopped by to meet Gabby. She brought with her a HUGE card for baby Gabby that had been hand made by the girls in our "Club 56" (5th and 6th grade students) class that we teach at church. They then had the card signed the Sunday Gabby was born by our church family. She also brought with her a homemade lunch, magazines and book for M. She cares deeply for M, too and it showed. Amber embodies what it looks like to show the love of Jesus to people. We are so blessed to have her in our lives and I know M will be to know her now, too!


Around 3:30 that afternoon Cherie, from our adoption agency, stopped in to speak with us about how we were to proceed making arrangements for where Gabby would stay for the next 2 days.

Let me explain a little about how a domestic adoption works in the state of Ohio:

In our case we are doing an "Identified Adoption" that is "open". Those are 2 words associated with adoption that many people have heard, but few actually know what they really mean. They are actually very simple definitions. "Open" simply means that we know who the birth mother is and the birth mother knows who we are and that when our daughter is of age she can choose to contact the birth mother. It also means that the birth mother wants to be part of this child's life in at least some capacity - her desire is not to ever completely lose contact with her child. "Identified Adoption" means that the birth mother chose the adoptive family personally and that she is only giving the child up to live with that family (that would be us! :).

Even though we all have agreed to what type of adoption that we are doing there is a still a mandatory period of 72hrs AFTER the birth of the child before the birth mother can sign over a permanent surrender of her rights to her child. This paper also names us as the family that she is placing her with.

Since it was just Monday and we had to wait until Wednesday at 3:29pm to officially be Gabby's forever family that left quite a gap that we had to figure out what to do with. M had officially been cleared to leave the hospital by her doctor earlier that afternoon. Since she had a young child that needed her at home she really wanted to get home to him, but was torn because of the predicament that we were being left in. The original plan was that Derek and I would be allowed to stay in a room at the hospital with Gabrielle (they would officially assign her to a nurse in the nursery, but that nurse would have her stay in our care so we could have her in our room), but then the hospital became overbooked. They literally had more infants in special care than they could handle and by law had to send any additional infants needing to be admitted into the hospital to Children's to stay. Derek and I would not be allowed to stay with her at Children's. If M chose to stay another night then they would allow us all the share a room with Gabrielle, but once M left (since the paperwork couldn't be signed until Wednesday and they couldn't legally allow us to leave with Gabby) we would have to leave and Gabby would be relocated unless a spot opened up in the nursery and that was a big "but". We were all scared and didn't know what the next step should be. We talked for hours going over options and ideas that may or may not work....most were shot down by the hospital staff and/or our adoption agency because there were laws that we all had to follow.


Finally someone asked why couldn't M leave with Gabrielle (as long as baby Gabby was cleared to leave) and then hand her over to us after she walked out of the hospital. I mean even though paperwork had been signed indicating that we were to be the adoptive parents, M still had all the rights that any parent would have with their newborn baby.

M agreed this was a perfect plan! She would hand Gabby over for us to "watch" until she signed the paperwork on Wednesday. The adoption agency agreed this would work and now we just had to get the pediatrician at the hospital to 'release" Gabby. No one even knew if the ped was still at the hospital! In a mad rush the nurse hurried off to see if the pediatrician would agree and we all waited nervously.

In a few minutes the nurse was back and the doctor followed her in the room. With some stipulations they were going to agree to release our baby and let us all go home - we had only been in the hospital a little more than 36hrs. This was truly another miracle!!


In a hurry, M went back to her room to pack and get ready to go home. Teena, who had come back to the hospital that afternoon to check on all of us, went to help her and planned to drive her home. Derek and I quickly packed all of our stuff up, too and signed all the necessary paperwork with the nurse. Within a half an hour the nurse had M in a wheelchair (hospital policy for new mothers) with Gabby in her car seat on her lap and Teena and me taking care of carrying what we could and wheeling the cart full of everything else down to the main exit. Derek ran ahead to pull our car up to the front. I just could not believe this was really happening.


Once outside M handed the car seat to Derek so we could place her in our car. I just stood back and watched what was happening. It almost felt like I was looking in on someone else's life. I was so numb really. I couldn't have dreamed of a better outcome for our short stay at the hospital, but I also was sleep deprived, mentally and emotionally exhausted and really concerned for what this was doing emotionally to M. As a matter of fact, I don't think that I thought much about my emotional state pretty much the entire time we were there. Of course, I was and had been scared to death! There were so many factors in this equation and none of them were even a little bit under my control. I had worked for the last almost 2 weeks on giving it all over to God. Knowing that He was in control and that His will would be done. I had prayed every way I had known how. I had praised Him for his goodness and inconceivable blessings on our life, but I couldn't erase the concern that things could still go very differently than we had wanted. It was easier to just push that to the back of my mind and focus on M. I truly was concerned for her and had no doubt that she was carrying the much heavier emotional burden than I was so there was not much of a decision to put her first.

I watched tearfully as she started to lose control of her emotions and cry at seeing her baby girl put into our vehicle. She knew that this was it....she was really placing her child with our family. Even though she legally had 2 more days to change her mind, she knew she wasn't going to and it was difficult for her to make that final break. As we embraced in front of the hospital entrance, she cried and said she was "sorry" and that she had "tried to stay strong". It broke my heart. She was strong. Dear Lord, didn't she know how unbelievably strong she was? She was doing something the she knew was so right for her daughter and so right for her other children. Something that was not the easy way out of caring for this child, but was the most difficult road she could have taken and proved how much love she did have inside her. It is a decision that as a mother I cannot even imagine having to make and one that I am not sure I would have ever been strong enough or selfless enough to do. Here stands the most selfless, strongest woman I maybe have ever known in my life in front of me and she is apologizing to me. "Please Lord tell her who she is - tell her how loved she is - she is your precious child!"....this kept going running through my brain over and over as we stood there telling her goodbye......for now.

Of course, the next couple of days at home were magical for our family. We were holding a little miracle in our arms. She was a miracle in so many ways! My how our world had turned upside down in just a matter of days! Only God could have orchestrated something so miraculous, something so incredible and is such a short amount of time with so little effort or control from those of us involved. We were just so in awe.

As our 72hr deadline approached and we were to meet to sign all the final paperwork at the adoption agency on Wednesday afternoon. As we drove there I became extremely nervous. I knew that legally she could change her mind and walk out of that meeting with our baby girl in her arms. I was so in love with our little Gabrielle and my heart was breaking at the thought that was even a possibility. I prayed most of the way there for myself and for M. I could only imagine what she must be going through as she was signing the paperwork to relinquish her rights forever to her child.


Once we arrived we were escorted into a room to wait for the director, Cherie, who was finishing up with M in another room. Once they were done she was going to come over and meet with us to sign our side of the documents. I am pretty sure I had at least 4 fingernails completely chewed off by the time Cherie made it to our room. She entered the room with a smile and announced, "Everything is signed and it went very well." I immediately yelled. "Praise God!" and hugged Derek. She was our little girl - legally!


We went through signing the stack of papers and got to the paper that says, "You were born Sunday, February 19, 2012 and your birthmother named you, Gabrielle Elaina at birth. You stayed in the hospital for 1 day and were released with your mommy and daddy on Monday, Feb. 20, 2012. Your mommy and daddy and big brothers are so happy! The day you went home with them was a very special day for all of them, because you were finally with your FOREVER FAMILY!".....that is when it was real to me! That was the paper that got me. Let me explain;

M had the ability to name Gabby anything she wanted at birth. She fills out the info for her birth certificate and then we have to change that at finalization - that is typically how it goes. M chose to name her baby girl what she already knew I had told her I wanted to name her. She stated to our adoption agency that she "did not want to take that away from her parents". In addition, the reason that we had to wait so long (allowing me to get through 4 fingernails while waiting!) was because when M arrived to sign the documents she noted that our baby's name was not spelled correct on the forms. The agency had mistakenly given Gabrielle the birth mother's last name because that is how it is "always" done. They didn't understand that when M filled out the paperwork in the hospital for her baby girl, she had not only given her the name I had told her I would name her, but she also gave her our last name. Her original birth certificate names her as Gabrielle Elaina TYE!!!!!! M could have done this any other number of ways and this is how she chose to do it. Even asking the agency to correct the mistake before signing so that everything would read the way it was supposed to in her file. I can't tell you the number of times I have cried as I have thought about and understand what kind of a person it takes to do the things that M has done. I am so blessed to even know this girl let alone be part of her family and bonded the way we are forever. I feel so undeserving to be part of a love like this on earth. It is something so heavenly - it is hard to describe with words...impossible I think.


I write this blog as I sit her in my home watching my beautiful baby girl on her monitor while she is safe and fast asleep in her crib. I often look at her and think, "how did we get here?" and "why did God bless us so richly?” I am just in awe of how merciful, generous and loving God is even when I am so undeserving - even while I am lacking in faith he blesses me beyond our wildest dream! I could never thank M enough for trusting us to be the parents of this precious baby girl. I could never thank Teena enough for listening to what God laid on her heart and putting M and my family together so that we could go on this journey. Even though I know I can't "repay" what God has done in our lives I know that God knows my heart and He knows that I desire more than anything to please Him and raise our daughter, and our boys, to live for Him. To love others even when they don't love you back, to give of your time, money and talents for His kingdom...for more people to know His love. I pray every day that God gives me the wisdom to do what is best for my children. Now that He has blessed us with another child I am really going to need more wisdom!

I am also so thankful for all the amazing people in our lives that have supported and continue to support us on this journey. We knew we were surrounded by amazing people, but I could have never imagined how amazing you all really were. You have shown a love beyond yourselves. A love that is of God....its service and compassion and grace. A love that is in response to witnessing a miracle of God - a miracle we know as Gabrielle Elaina Tye. What a blessing to be able to turn to the page every day and see how this will unfold into the story He wants to tell through her life. We are so blessed to be a part of that!



Matthew 18:5

"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me."

This scripture is so fitting....it brings to mind for me the way God must feel about all of you as you have embraced this child and this journey that we are on together! Blessings :)

I am forever grateful for your love......God bless you, Auntie M!

To my Daughter's other Mother:

All the words in the world could never express
the way I feel about you.
I know our paths were meant to cross
I hope you feel that way too.

I wish for you a wonderful life
I know great things are in store for you
because you are strong and will
never give up you will make your dreams come true.


The day I had the pleasure of meeting you
I saw your beautiful face
My heart was filled with great peace
I felt our spirits embrace.

You have given me a treasure worth far more than
silver or gold
A beautiful daughter, a child of God, a precious
new life to shape and mold.

I am grateful to you for giving her life
you knew abortion was not to be her fate
You chose to take the harder path
You proved your love for her was great.

I promise you that I will tell her of the great
courage that you have shown,
And that she is deeply loved by another
to her you will not remain unknown.

I hope you will find comfort in knowing
she is deeply loved and cherished too
she will never want for anything
I owe her life to you.

I pray for guardian angels to guide you
and ease your way
I know you will always feel our Savior’s love
because of the sacrifice you made today.

~Author Unknown

What's in a name??

So here we are. The day of our baby girl's birth has come!  It has been quite a journey to get here.  Over the last week we have put the entire nursery together, purchased or been given all the necessary baby gear and clothes and prepared our hearts and minds as best we can for this amazing change in our lives. 
We began to seriously talk about names for our baby girl last Friday when we knew that this was really going to happen and quickly.  Pretty quickly we had narrowed our favorites down to Gabrielle, Isabella and Eliana.  I researched the names meanings and that had helped us to decide on these three as final "contestants". 
Gabrielle means "God is my Strength"
Isabella means "Consecrated (pledged) to God"
Eliana means "God has answered"
All very appropriate for this little girl!  Derek and I discussed but he didn't really say much other than that he liked them all just fine. 

On Friday, Feb. 17th, M (birth mom) and I went to a doctor's appointment where they told us that they were finally ready to induce her.  We were both so excited!  Sunday morning at 8am they said :)
Of course, that night that is all I could think about and I had dreams all night that night about having the baby, etc. In my dream I was calling her "Gabrielle" and "Gabby".
That morning I spoke to M. who also told me she had a dream about the baby being born.  In her dream she said I also called the baby "Gabby"!  I do not believe in coincidences so that was very much a sign to me that this baby should be named Gabrielle.  I am a slow learner at times though so I continued to toss it around, as Isabelle had been the front runner for me up until this point. 

Later that same day (Saturday) I had a conversation with Derek who admitted that he had always liked Gabrielle the best and thought that should be her name, but he didn't want to influence my decision at all and wanted me to decide based on what I liked.  Then maybe a 1/2 later my girlfriend, Anna, texted me and told me that she too thought it should be Gabrielle (Gabby), but that she hadn't wanted to say anything either! 

Okay, okay, I get it!  Her name is going to be Gabrielle :)  I do believe that this is "His Adoption Journey" and we are just along for the ride - God is in control and has been since the beginning.  Even her name is per His plan. 

As I sit back and think about the journey we have been on it is hard to comprehend still.  Just a little more than a week ago we didn't even know that this little girl would be in our lives and here we are! 
As Derek and I drove to the hospital this morning he reminded me that just last month our small group (bible study group) prayed over us.  The prayer was that our adoption process would go smoothly and that everything that happen be His will and that we would know without a doubt that it was His will. They also prayed for us that the FIRST child that was "referred" to us would be the child that we were meant to have so we didn't have to go through "rejecting" potential referrals of children (I knew that would be beyond difficult).  At the time of that prayer we had finished our paperwork for China and was waiting on it to be translated and sent to the Chinese consulate and to ultimately be put on "The List" to be referred a daughter. We assumed that would take until the end of the summer at the earliest.
No one involved in that prayer that night could have had any idea this was God's plan.  I know that His hand has been on us without ceasing regarding this entire process.  I know that the people he has placed in our lives in these many different ways are like angels covering us in prayer and helping us along this path - praise God!

It is so amazing to me how God works.  God is the creator of this world, He is our father, our provider, our Savior and He knows what our path will be if we chose to step out in faith and follow Him when he calls.  Often times it is scary - down right terrifying!!!! - but faith means trusting in Him and abandoning those fears.  Looking to Him for comfort and guidance even when we can not see or anticipate what might happen next.  Even if the path takes us in a different direction than we thought we was originally leading us. 

Here I sit in a labor and delivery room with the birth mom - the "first mom" of our baby girl - typing out a blog entry so that none of the details of this miraculous experience will be lost or forgotten.
I am trying to cast all my fears and anxieties on God to let him work all of this for good as His word says.  I would be lying if I said I feel like I am successfully executing that plan.  I am giving it all the effort I can. It is hard to imagine any other outcome than the one we have prepared our homes and hearts for.  I have to trust that this is God's plan and that we are all bringing together a plan so much bigger than the sum of all of us.  This is a decision, by ALL of us involved, that will forever change our lives and the course of history.  For this we all need to strength of God....how appropriate that this little girl that brought all of this together be named Gabrielle, "God is my strength"! 

Thank you all for your continued prayers to cover our family, M, and this baby girl, Gabrielle.  We are forever grateful!  Today will be the day I hold my daughter in my hands for the first time and that is the start of the rest of our lives as an amazing family. Not only did God bless us with the precious little girl of our dreams, but with an extended family that we had no idea we would be so blessed to receive.  God gives abundantly, overflowing........

"Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will be given to you. For with the same measure you measure it will be measured back to you." Luke 6:38

"A Birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart"
Skye Hardwick

Outpouring of Love!!!

I can hardly believe that we found out we were going to have a newborn baby girl joining our family about 1 week ago. SO much has happened in that week. In order to help me keep track (and pass the time while I wait anxiously for my baby girl - these things are the only things I seem to be able to concentrate on right now!) I thought I should update my blog with more details that have unfolded.

As you know from last Friday's post, we certainly expected that we would be holding our baby girl today based on what that day's doctor visit's outcome was. Birth mom, "M", and I were told that if she made it through the weekend without going into labor (which was unlikely in the doc's opinion) then she would surely induce her by Thursday (today!). However, we went in Tuesday for a Non-stress test to hear a very happy and healthy heart beat that indicated to another doctor in the practice that we should continue to wait it out for the rest of the week. According to her baby girl is still on the smaller side (around 5lbs or so) and given they have never been certain about a due date they felt like giving her a little more time to mature in the womb would be best. It was heart wrenching news for both M and me as we were planning to have a baby in the next couple of days at most. We even thought she might be progressed far enough along that they would induce her then. Not the case, though. She was still hovering around 3cm dilated which is what she had been at Friday's appt.

As hard as this wait is on me and my family, I know that M is going through her own range of emotions and heartache that I can't imagine. I remember what it felt like in those final weeks and days of pregnancy and it is physically very difficult (at least it always was for me - maybe had something to do with my 40-60lb weight gain with each one!) let alone the emotional strain that any woman is dealing with being muliplied for M. I know she is ready to move forward in this process, as well. It breaks my heart when she tells me she is sorry that nothing is happening, though. I have tried to reassure her that it is not her fault and this is totally up to God and that baby girl. She will come when it is time!

While everything happened so suddenly and we felt an enormous amount of pressure to get everything done quickly just knowing that she could be here "any minute", it has actually worked out well. Derek and I are "doers" and if something needs done we just jump on it full speed ahead. On top of that we have had the most incredible outpouring of love from our friends and family that has made it possible to get everything done without draining our reserves.

Let me recap the amazing blessings we have received from people in our lives this week - as much for you all to be encouraged as we were and for us to never forget as this experience will someday be a distant memory, but we will always have my writings to look back and reflect on!

On Friday, Feb. 10th it was my birthday. I was supposed to go out to breakfast with my girlfriend Angie, who I later found out had organized a "surprise birthday breakfast" for me by inviting several other girlfriends to join us. Unfortunately I had to cancel my breakfast with Angie in order to go to the doctor's appt to meet M and see my baby girl on the ultrasound screen for the first time (I have been carrying those pictures around for a week and looking at them a 100x a day!). I am sure they were disappointed to not go through with the plan, but each of these girls (all of which I saw later that day) never said a word about it and instead were very supportive and excited to hear about my baby appt. and ask what I needed or how they could help.....they still had one more plan for celebration up their sleeves (more on that later! :)

That night as we were wrapping up from basketball games, etc. my sweet friend and neighbor, Claudia shows up with a crib for me to start putting together the baby’s room. We couldn't wait to get it set up. Another friend, Stephanie, had given me a beautiful Baby Gap crib set she had picked up one afternoon while shopping. It had been sitting in my closet for 6 months....I had no idea it would be needed so soon!

The next day was Saturday and my girlfriend, Adriana, called me to come over and go through baby clothes so I could take what I needed. When I got there her husband, Jose Carlos, and her had already set every piece of baby equipment they were no longer using (their baby girl is 14 months old) into the foyer for me to take. In addition they had pulled out a half a dozen boxes of baby clothes ranging from 3 months to 12 months of age! I literally filled my truck (and I have a BIG truck) up when I left. My boys and I spent the entire next day going through 3 large bags full of baby clothes. It was so much fun to see all those tiny little pink outfits!

Saturday night we were supposed to go to a party at my girlfriend Angie's house. As much as we both wanted to go we were so tired. We decided not to join the tournament (this was a Euchre party) but to at least go hang out since we knew everyone who would be there and very much wanted to see them and have a little time relaxing. I was so glad we went! Apparently the girls had decided to move my surprise celebration to that night. They had a cake (Chocolate from Servati - one of my very favs!!!:) and candles and everyone sang me happy birthday. A happy birthday it was indeed!!!

On Sunday we got a message on our way home from church from a neighbor and friend, Carla, offering to give us "the only piece of baby equipment left in her house" :) - a cradle. We stopped after church and picked it up. It is literally perfect! Soon afterwards my girlfriend, Angie, stopped by with a beautiful glider rocker that she had used with her boys. It has a white wood frame which meant it matched everything else in the nursery perfect! I know that it meant allot to Angie as it was such a part of her memories of her 3 boys growing up, but she still chose to let us use it. It was the perfect finishing touch to the nursery! As if that wasn't enough she even came back a few days later with a small white bookshelf that fit in perfectly and provided more storage for those cute little baskets filled with blankets, shoes and other misc. baby items :)

Over the weekend we worked hard to get the nursery ready, all of her clothes washed and put away and get ourselves and our boys as organized as possible. We even packed an overnight bag for Derek and me to take to the hospital - praying that we will be able to stay with her and bond - and one for our boys to take if they need to spend the night with grandma. We were sure it was going to happen just like the doctor said! But it didn't....labor never started.

On Monday we continued to get calls, texts and facebook posts encouraging us and letting us know that so many people had our family in their prayers. That has been a huge comfort to me and I am not sure how I would be doing right now without it. We know that prayer is never the least that someone can do!

We also received a message from a friend from church, actually that we have known many years (since high school), Teena, that she would like to come and paint the nursery for us. We wanted to get it painted (Derek and I are not painters - we try, but it isn't pretty!) but hadn't really had time to hire anyone or even pick out the colors. Well, by Wednesday afternoon the entire room had been painted by her and looked amazing! We moved all the furniture back in Wednesday evening and it looks so sweet and girly. It is soooo PINK - perfect!! :)

During this time we also received a beautiful white eyelet bassinet from another member of our church, Juanita. Angie brought over a bumper and sheets for the cradle, as well. All of these things have just happened in the last 5 days. Prior to us finding out about God's adoption plan for us with this baby girl we had been preparing for our Chinese daughter. Knowing she would be older we had many girlfriends supplying us with little girl items even several months ago. Chrissy gave her our first Barbie ;) , as well as, numerous other items including clothes. She even recently bought her a beautiful kitchen set! Amber brought over bags of toddler girl clothes for me to go through, Jen brought me an entire little girl's twin bedding set and another neighbor, Suzanne, gave me Pottery barn lamps, matching rug and twin size bedding, as well. I am sure I am forgetting some things...my brain is pretty much mush right now so I hope I didn't forget someone!

Then just yesterday as I came home Derek informed me that a friend (who was trying not to  be discovered but was), Ashley, dropped by 3 gift bags of things she collected after reaching out to her neighbors and friends since she did not had any girl items of her own. The bags contained both new and used layette items, toys and a beautiful open knit pink baby blanket that I adore. I always had that same style for my boys (Parker still sleeps with his) as I didn't fear them getting wrapped up in it and not being able to breathe....maybe I spent too much times thinking about those things!

The outpouring of love and support from friends and neighbors has been unbelievable. I feel so undeserving, but so thankful and so blessed!

As I sit hear writing this a package is delivered to my door....it's from our brother, Rob (Derek's older brother) and sister-in-law, Rashell, in California filled the most adorable items for our baby girl! Derek and I literally cried as we read the beautiful enclosed card. The outside read, "With God all things are possible." Mark 10:27 and the inside was filled with a beautiful message full of love written by Rashell.

I am forever grateful for the incredible relationships that we have in our lives. I know that God has put each and every one of you into our lives and us into yours for a reason- many reasons perhaps. I am so thankful for God's watchful eye, guiding hand and loving spirit. Feeling that all in the natural world through all of these incredible acts of kindness is priceless. I pray that I never forget how amazing we feel in this moment and are able to love people the way we have been loved. Nothing feels better than this!

Tomorrow is another follow-up appointment with M. We will again get to see our little one on the ultrasound screen, hear her strong heartbeat and find out if M is progressing. We do hope that we also learn once and for all when they will induce her. I mean this can't go on forever, right! ;)

Of course, we will continue to update this blog with any progress that may happen over the next few days. I pray that the next blog update in written between diaper changes and feedings with my little girl safely in my arms :)

We welcome the continued prayers. Saying that this has been difficult emotionally would be a severe understatement!

God bless you all and THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts!