Stepping up on my Soapbox

November is National Adoption Awareness month and I love seeing all the beautiful pictures, quotes and messages that bring it out in the public eye and allow so much attention to be brought to such a beautiful cause that is so very near and dear to my heart. However, lately I have come across a couple of articles and blogs and even seen a few "comments" out there in the social media that really made me sad - and then a little angry if I am being honest, and I am!

I am the first to say that adoption isn't for everyone, but what really gets me is when someone states their opinion as a fact in an article that others looking for truth about adoption may read. Or pretends to be an expert because they either have adopted and assume their experience should and will be everyone else's.  Whatever the reason they may state the things that they do I have decided that I can no longer sit by reading the screen of my computer and shaking my head - sometimes with tears running down my face because I am just that passionate about what is being said.

I am going to try very hard to keep my emotions in check for this post, but I am going to be honest and share what I know as MY families' truth on adoption as we know it. I realize that this may not be the way it is for every person that has been touched by adoption. I also realize that this process, much like the process of parenthood in general, does not end when you bring the child home so we are still working through all of this. Hopefully what I am about to share will give readers of this blog an encouraging view that they can share with others....and if I am alone in the feeling of the need for this then please just bear with me as I get this off my chest or go ahead and stop reading now! :)

Let me start by saying that I am a mother to 5 children - 2 adopted (one internationally and one domestically) and 3 bio kiddos. If you read this blog then you probably already know that, but there it is just in case.
Let me also say that this in NO way makes me an expert on adoption any more than it makes me an expert on motherhood. I am very far from either, but I do like to think I am a very good student! In addition to my full time passion of motherhood, I do moonlight as a Client Educator (counselor/coach/a really good listener!)  at a local women's pregnancy care center where I am involved with helping my clients with parenting and even sometimes making an adoption plan for their babies. I love both "hats" I get to wear and often they seem to overlap as I use what I learn in each for the other at times.

So let me get on with what I think "Adoptive Parents should Never Ever be told to Never Ever do"!  It all started innocently enough when a dear friend sent me a link to an article about adoption. It was entitled "(# of) Things Adoptive Parents Should Never, Ever Do". As soon as I read the title I knew that was enough for me to know better than to read it, but I did anyway.  I mean who is the expert in this world that knows adoption so well that they can tell all other adoptive parents - ANY parent - what is best and what they shouldn't ever do?

I couldn't help, but to feel hurt - as much for my girls as for myself - after reading this article. I AM an adoptive parent and I couldn't disagree more with much of what was written. It is clear that I am coming from an entirely different place in the way I manage myself, my home and my children. Not better or worse but entirely different and that is enough for me to understand the danger in telling anyone that I have all the answers. And even though the article I am referencing was written as fact is is actually only someones opinion. So I would like to take this opportunity to give my own opinions in response to what was laid out in this article and others like it that I have seen recently. Hopefully another side of the coin and the reader (yourself) can see two options of the many for how an adoptive parent may chose to handle these topics.

(I am paraphrasing these statements as they are a mix from a few different views I have seen out there)
#1 - "NEVER talk about your child's past" :
If you have ever read my blog you know that I have and do talk about my children's past (in part)...ALL of them. I do not just talk about health struggles or emotional struggles that my adopted children have had, but also ones that my bio kids have had. I realize that we live in a digital world that records nearly everything we say and do and so I am sensitive to that. There is MUCH that I will never share. What most writers insinuate is that if you are sharing your adopted child's "back story" it is to either "parade them around for the adoption cause" or to get pity and empathy.  I can only tell you why I chose to do it and it is to help rally support and prayers for my children and my family which I believe with 100% of my being makes all the difference our their lives. And to be honest we/they/I need it.  I know that prayer is never the least we can do - at least that is how my family believes so it is what we chose to do. I also certainly do hope that sharing certain aspects of our journey (and yes, it is "our" journey - not just my child's) will help to inspire others that maybe have thought about adoption to take that first step. When people can follow a real life story of adoption and see how beautiful it can be I think it can be so inspiring.  With so many negative messages out there on what adoption looks like I hope to help shine a light on the positive.
I also feel like this statement is such a double standard.  It says that adopted children should live by different rules and I just can't agree with that. I have a sweet friend who's son had suffered with numerous ailments and medical problems that she shared through social media to raise awareness, garner prayer support and to give her an outlet and medium to be able to share the struggles and give the updates to all the people who were supporting her son and her family throughout his struggle. Her son was a biological child. Or how about the mother who does fundraisers and walk-a-thons and prayer vigils for her child fighting through a life threatening illness? If they are biological children then it is okay to share these struggles? How about if they have walked through that and are now healed and a strong survivor and you have just connected with this family?  Would that mother be wrong to share her child's victory story with you or anyone?  I think ultimately those questions have to be answered by the family that is going through it and whether your child is your biological child or adopted child it shouldn't change the way you handle it. I won't pretend to know all the answers or to know who this may or may not affect the child later in life. It is just part of who I am to look at all the positive aspects of sharing those things, though. And since I am the one raising my children I would hope that they grow up to feel much the same way and be proud of the influence that their journey has had on others.

#2 - "NEVER tell people you were meant to be a family":
Okay, so this one may be the one I find the most difficult to swallow. I certainly understand that if you make a statement like that then you do not have a relationship with Christ and so this may be difficult for you to understand or believe. But what I don't understand is how can anyone make that assumption of everyone that has adopted (or have biological children) and tell us that because they themselves do not have faith that we should not either? I read one blog that said "If you were meant to be their parent then why were they not born to you? Why did some other poor woman in China or Korea or Utah have to suffer to make you happy?". It is really sad to me that this is being read by others that may not have any involvement in adoption and that this helps to mold their opinions on it. That they believe adoption comes from a sad, poor suffering start. I have one daughter that is a domestic adoption and I know her birth mother very well and she is not  a "poor suffering" woman. She is a very strong, loving and selfless woman that is very proud of her decision to make an adoption plan for her daughter. She certainly didn't choose adoption for her unborn baby girl so that I could be happy or because she wasn't.  God loves my daughter's birth mom just as much as He loves me or my daughter. He knew before any of us, however, that Gabby would be conceived and that her birth mother would be selfless and make the most difficult decision of her life based on the unconditional love she already had for the child growing inside her. God had prepared our family for her arrival before we even knew we wanted or needed her and certainly before we knew we were being prepared! The way she came to our family could ONLY be because of the Lord and I am certain that the other parties that were involved in that union agree wholeheartedly. Ultimately, those of us involved had to make the decision to move forward, but we were listening and God was clearly speaking to each of our hearts. I can not imagine our lives without her and I love her every bit as my mind, body and soul as if she was my biological child. As for our internationally adopted child, I can not speak on the situation that her mother was in. Given the history of baby girls being relinquished in China and knowing what a mother has to go through in order to get them to a place they believe they will be found quickly and cared for I can only assume that our baby girl was very deeply loved by someone who risked much to get her to a better life. I do not know if her birth mother suffered. I do not know if she was poor. None of that even matters. I know that Lily was suffering when she was found and I can only assume that the manner and place in which she was found indicates that someone else felt there was another family out there that would be able to better care for her. I believe with all my heart that God knew we were that family. If our adoption journey had gone the way my husband and I had "planned" it we would have not been given the referral for Lily. In fact, we would have adopted from China before Lily was even born. I am so thankful that God had a plan and helped us realize that plan and brought us the children He intended for our family. We live in a world that is broken and in many ways very sad and messed up. Terrible things happen and while God does not cause those things to happen He does work to help bring about miracles in situations that seem helpless. God knew that our daughters would be our daughters. He knew we would embark on this journey and he knew the path we would all take to bring it all together. I will never apologize for believing that my daughters were meant to be ours and they will hear me tell them all the days of their lives. They are loved by their birth mothers, they are loved by us and they are most certainly loved by God! But this is our families truth - other parents may feel very differently about the way their families were built and that is okay.  But please don't tell me to deny what God has done for us and discourage others from believing He is able to do abundantly for them as well.

#3 - "Pretend you are not selfish or pretend to be selfless" :
I truly have a hard time even knowing where to start with this.  Since I was a young girl I have felt a desire for adoption deep in my soul. Even when I couldn't know what that would ever actually look like I know that the desire was there. I can honestly say that my decision to adopt a child was not a selfish decision - it was selfless. I say that as humbly as I know how, but also with complete conviction and truth. And I am not saying that I am not selfish in general - I am human. I am much more selfish in almost everything than I want to be, but this decision was NOT a selfish one in any way. When my husband and I began taking the serious steps toward adoption it wasn't because we didn't have children and wanted them. It wasn't to gain something we didn't already have (which is the angle the author that made this statement originally was coming from as she stated that adoption was her only option for children and was why she stated it was a selfish decision.).  We already had 3 happy healthy children when we began our adoption process - and believe me that was enough! I never ever want my girls to think that they were adopted out of pity, but I would be remiss to pretend that our hearts didn't go out to the orphans we heard about and learned about through exploring the process of adoption. Our internationally adopted daughter certainly was in a sad and lonely situation in her orphanage. Even though she was as well cared for as possible there she was an orphan and she did not have her own family to love and grow with.  I think it would be wrong to deny that is sad and that every child deserves better than that. To deny that she did suffer loss, abandonment, etc. would be telling her that when and if those feelings surface in the future that she should deny them because "look how good your life is now".  I think if your driving force behind adoption is to give a child a home then that is not a bad thing. They need people to care and to care enough to want to step in and help them. It is a beautiful selfless thing!
Even before my husband and I really thought much about the life of an orphan we felt God calling us to open our home and our hearts because he was just not done growing our family. We didn't decided selfishly to move toward adoption and completely change up the cushy mid-western life we were living. The risk that having more children could stretch our financial resources, our time resources and that if we were faced with serious medical conditions with a child we adopted that it could really turn not only our world but the children already under our roofs world upside down too.  But of course all of those "risks" are true of bio children, too! I wouldn't change a thing now, but there were times when we hesitated and asked if this was really what we should do. We examined our hearts for the reasons we would choose not to do it and for us those were the selfish reasons. That is our truth and it may be very different from the reasons other adoptive parents decided on this course. I suspect there are as many reasons people adopt as their are people adopting.

#4 - "Never talk about your child being adopted - they are your children - period."
So in theory I completely agree with this one, but when reading further into the explanation I found that I have a different opinion than the original author. I would agree that when meeting a "stranger" or someone who you do not yet have a relationship with and especially when in front of your children (for me remember that is 3 bio and 2 adopted) I would never point out who is adopted. Why would you?  When you introduce your children to people in a typical setting do you say "they are biological"?  Of course, not! I am all about equality among the children....anything that sends the message that an adopted child is to be treated differently is wrong when it's simply based on the fact that they are adopted.
Okay, so now let's say you are hanging out with a mom from your kid's school who's child plays on your kid's basketball team and she asks about your kids names and ages (innocently) and says she doesn't remember you being pregnant 2 years ago, but yet you just said you had a 18 month old (this was a real conversation). For me, I have no problem explaining that my daughter (both daughters) are adopted and I guess I don't go into it thinking someone else will either.  I mean, I guess I just don't really worry too much about what someone else might think.  I am proud of my girls and I do feel so blessed that they are our daughters.  In our family it is something we celebrate and have since day one. I am not pretending that having a birth mother and father out there may someday cause feelings of hurt or at least questions to rise up for my daughters, but it is so important to me to make sure they understand they are no different to our family than if I gave birth to them.  No Different. We love them so much and our bond with them is just as amazing as it is with our boys. As a matter of fact I often forget that I did not give birth to them - really. Each girl has a photo book of their past that brings them right into their present and have as many photos and facts in them as I could gather. That is their history and a big part of who they are. It is also a reminder that they are adopted which we look at as just the way God chose to bring them into their family.  We hope that both girls can feel proud of their history and who they are and know that they were loved by many people very deeply and that indeed makes them very special. I hope that one day they will be able to share their stories in the way they want to and help bring awareness and education to others that could bring more children home into their families.

#5 - "Adoption is so expensive that most people can't do it"
Since growing our family through adoption, my husband and I have both been contacted literally dozens of times by friends and acquaintances that have interest in adoption. I find it an honor to speak with others about how they can go about adopting.  I know that I am supposed to be public about our family and it has allowed others to feel that they can open up to me. In turn I am able to help give them information that can not only make their dreams of adoption come true, but change the life of an orphan forever. Why would I ever want to be quiet about it??!! In addition I try to let people know that there are many ways to adopt and the cost ranges greatly.  There are also many ways to help offset those costs through charities, trusts, fundraisers, scholarships, grants, loans, etc.  We know one family that had their entire trip to China paid for by one of these charities.  I watched another family through a video on YouTube that had raised all the money for a China adoption one step at a time through bake sales, donations from friends, family, the church they attended and "anonymous" gifts. In case you our wondering, that cost is currently about $35,000 give or take a bit. To adopt domestically is typically considerably less at about a third of that and if you are in the foster to adopt program that can be close to nothing out of pocket.
I know there are many ways to make adoption work financially so I pray that others will not let that element alone keep them from going forward. If God brings you to this decision he will help you find a way to fund the effort. I truly believe that. I am not saying that there aren't things that will come up that you will not feel frustrated about throughout the process - let's face it when you get government involved in anything (and imagine 2 governments when you adopt internationally!) you have to expect the unexpected. Just plan for the process to costs you a bit more than you had originally planned and for those nickle and dime things to come up and they won't be so frustrating.  I promise that in the end it will be more than worth it and all that won't really matter any way :)
 For us it has taken a large part of our savings and more to get both of the girls here in our home. Perhaps we could have used the money for other logical expenses/savings/retirement but this was the path we believe we were supposed to go.  What we lack in earthly riches right now we have gained a million times more in family blessings.  Our earthly riches fade away, but our family will be our family forever and we are helping to change our world one life at a time. I just couldn't be less concerned about the money and I am thankful that we had it to be able to do this.  There is nothing I would have rather done with it! I believe the big key here is prayer and listening to God.  If he convicts you to go this route he will show you the way.

Okay, stepping off my soapbox now! Ha!  I hope that in writing this I hope I didn't come across as angry or upset. I truly am not, but what I am is passionate.  My desire is only to share my opinion on what I consider to be common misconceptions in the adoption world.  I truly just want to help encourage others and I hope that what you have read will do just that. I believe this world needs educated on what adoption really is and what it really looks like. I have taught several classes and seminars on the different types of adoption over the last couple of years and  I am always amazed by how little truth there is out there and how little people really understand. Most misconceptions fueled by the media and what they imagine or think they know. People are almost always encouraged and amazed when they learn that what they had imagined is just simply not always right.

May you be blessed and if you are considering adoption I pray that God will show you the path and open doors for you all along the way. I promise that even through any hardships and trials along the way, you will hardly believe how blessed you will be in the end!

Love,
Jessy

The More the Merrier!

So my last blog entry was Oct. 7th - not quite a month ago.  We are coming up on our two months home mark pretty quickly (Nov. 11th)!   Since I last updated the blog we have had yet another exciting change happen to our family - our sweet Au Pair (live in nanny) from China, Morgan,  has moved in. She arrived on Oct. 9th and really has just hit the ground running. It's like we have known her for years and for that I am so grateful.  God is good!

 Here we are waiting for Morgan to arrive at the airport. Each of the kids made their own sign (Gabby stayed at home with Grandma :)....okay except Lily's sign - she had a "little" help :)

Oh she is a cutie!! :)

Morgan, Mariah and Gabby the morning after Morgan's arrival to our home. Mariah (Gabby's part time nanny and one of her very favorite people in the world :) is showing Morgan the ropes!

Gabby on the way out to school with Mariah and Morgan :)

So I have to say that I was actually really nervous once we arrived home from China with Lily and I started thinking about the fact that I had hired a Chinese Au Pair that would be arriving to our home and MOVING IN with us in a little less than a month! I REALLY needed the help - that wasn't the issue. What I started thinking about, that somehow never crossed my mind before, was the fact that my new sweet Chinese daughter might decide she liked her Chinese Au Pair more than me!  I mean, why not? Morgan would look, sound, act and probably even smell like "home" to her. Morgan could be the only "familiar" thing to Lily in this new world of complete change and people that speak a language she can't understand. I did a lot of praying in those weeks leading up to Morgan's arrival and thanked God for His provision for all of us. 

When Morgan did arrive I asked her not to embrace Lily or show her a lot of overt affection until the 60 days of recommended bonding time with Lily was up (Nov. 11th) so that I would be sure Lily wouldn't become confused and think Morgan was the "new mom".  Morgan was so gracious and understood right away and did such an amazing job loving Lily but respecting my wishes. The plan has worked so far... It is clear that Lily really likes Morgan, but that she loves me as Mom  (sigh :)

Maybe one the most incredible parts of Morgan joining our family is that not only did God answer our prayers and hers, but that through Morgan Lily has opened up even more and a new life has come into her!  Morgan was able to tell us that Lily has indeed been speaking toddler Mandarin and has been saying all kinds of things that we didn't understand. When Morgan validated those mutterings you could just see the spark in Lily's eyes! What an amazing transformation she made over the first few days of having Morgan here!! 

The depressing days that Lily had been having have completely disappeared. I am not saying that she doesn't get upset or angry or frustrated because she certainly does, but he depression is gone! I now think that not only was she grieving the loss of many things familiar, but I believe it was mostly over her lack of ability to be understood and to understand. The basic need for communication had been taken away from her. I realize how frustrated any of other children get when we can not understand what they are trying to communicate - especially our other toddler - so this makes complete sense! We have also noticed that she is trying to do more physically. I think there was a huge mental and emotional block going on there and that was also eliminated. Lily still struggles with basic strength to complete many tasks, but the desire to try them has grown and she is making huge progress.

This morning, Oct. 27th, we had a follow-up appointment to discuss all her blood work labs that came back and to update her immunizations. It was a great appointment and we received excellent news that all her blood work looked great! We also found out that she was in the 25% for height,  75% for head circumference and 50% for weight on the growth chart. All great news!  We did meet with the Cardiology team a couple of weeks ago and were able to get a successful echo and EKG done on her heart so they knew exactly what was going on in there. The appointment turned into a 5+ hour ordeal because of Lily's apparent difficulty becoming sedated. After 3 separate attempts and doses of medication she finally nodded off (typically takes one dose we learned!). The team said that they have no doubt she is a fighter and that same iron will that kept them from being able to properly sedate her the first 2 times is the same iron will that has kept her alive her first 2 years of life.  Talk about an emotional conversation :(  Of course, I know that they are right and this precious little girls proves to us a little more every day how tough she really is. There is so much life inside her and I am so thankful that we were able to come alongside side her so she doesn't have to feel like she is fighting alone anymore. She just inherited a mighty army of soldiers for life :)

So as expected, she was diagnosed with PDA (same condition China had diagnosed her with).  Apparently hers is a "large" PDA and has been causing her body quite a bit of distress. She does has high blood pressure, an enlarged left ventricle and decreased lung function. It is amazing that she does all that she does with the truly limited physical abilities she has. 

Laying with my baby girl for the Echo.

This is the chart that the surgeon used to draw us an idea of where to blood vessel is that shouldn't still be open between her aorta & pulmonary artery.

More info on her general condition found HERE

On December 3, 2014 we will go in for her heart surgery.  The best news that we have heard is that while her condition is grave if left untreated, the procedure to correct the problem with her heart is relatively minor and should yield absolutely incredible results for a perfectly normal and strong heart in her future.And the most amazing part of the surgery is that she will most likely go home that very evening!  A.MAZE. ING! The surgeon also let us know that she will feel like a totally different person after the procedure. She has lived her entire life with a struggling heart and decreased lung function. When those things are "normal" it will open up a while new reserve of energy to her that she has never experienced before. So watch out World - Lily is about to who us what she is made of! 

Before I wrap up this entry I want to say thank you again to everyone for your continued prayers and support! All the love that has been poured into and shown to our family has been incredible. It is absolutely what I personally draw on when I am having a difficult day or dark moment. I am not sure I could ever express fully how grateful I am for that . Please know that I ask God every day to bless all of you and to turn that love and blessings right back on your own lives and families!

Now for a few fun photos from the last few weeks!

Lily is trying so hard to get stronger!

Go Lily!

Checking out their new dress box filled Anna and Elsa dress up - so exciting for two sisters :)

Two princesses!

Watching a video of them riding in their Power Wheel Jeep :)

 The girls enjoying some time behind the wheel :)

Lily and me at our neighborhood's annual costume parade

 My incredibly gorgeous and amazing husband, Derek, me and our darling Lily :)

Some slide time! 

 Racing down the side by side slides with her big sis :)

 Celebrating Tanner's 13th birthday!

I love this shot of Lily with her American girl doll dressed alike...so sweet :)

All my sweet kiddos and me on a walk/bike ride to Weller Park.

 Playing in the leaves with big brother Parker.

 For a recent costume event Derek and I dressed up as Cinderella and the Prince.  I got the most amazing moments captured in pictures with each of my girls and "princess mommy" as Gabby called me :)

One last thing - since the last blog update Lily has been doing so many new fun things that I want to share and I have listed them below...along with a few more fun pictures. In addition to all the things listed at the end of the last post here are some additional updates: 

• Lily is up to 8 steps on her own now! She is deliberate and slow in those steps and it shows me how much stronger she is getting every day :)
• She now prefers to stand up and try to walk to any other form of movement. She will almost always try to walk before crawling where she wants to go!
• She LOVES the trampoline!  
• Lily told Morgan (our Au Pair), in mandarin, that she knew I was "her mom"...sniff, sniff ;)
• She has been threatening to "bite" Gabby in mandarin when Gabby takes a toy from her - no kidding! LOL ;)
• We have discovered she does NOT like carrots in any form!
• Lily loves all things "girlie".  I mentioned in the last post that she loves headbands and bows...well, now she has discovered the plastic dress-up rings and bracelets. The only problem is that everything is too big for her petite little frame so she ends up just holding 4-6 rings and 2-3 bracelets in her hand while she tries to play - she is so funny :)
• Lily's hair is amazing!  It is now jet black, shiny, soft, thick and growing so super fast!
• Lily has gained another 2lbs since our lat appointment for a grand total of 6lbs gained in just under 2 months with us! She is now up to 29lbs at almost 31 months old :)

Until next time.....Lots of love!!

Jessy 

Climbing mountains...even if they do just look like chairs!

Lily has been a part of our family now for 5 weeks - home for a little over 3 weeks.  The last month has certainly been a blur! And even as I sit and write this I am staring at 2 suitcases that are only half emptied!  I can't believe I have been home almost a month and still haven't unpacked all our suitcases from the trip....thought I should give you a good picture of how NOT together I really am just in case any of you were living with the allusion that I somehow do have it together. Not that any could possibly really think that! LOL ;)

 When we were in China it was almost as if life was a "pause" but once we returned home in almost feels like someone pushed the fast forwarding button and now we are running across the screen just to keep up (and more often than not it isn't working out very well!). Even as I sit here to write this now my mind is racing with all the things I need to do and should be working on to prepare for all the things we still have coming up this week. The girls are napping right now though and I really wanted to catch up my blog so I sit here with my laptop and keep telling all those other thoughts to "take a hike"!  The girls are napping and I really need to catch up on this blog so I don't lose all the info I want to make sure gets in here for future reference. 

How have things been going since my last post which was about 2 weeks ago? Well, up until yesterday I would have said everything was about the same. Lily really hadn't made a lot of "progress" per say and we hadn't really got any more answers in her medical or physical struggles, etc. She is still having "off" days where you can just tell she doesn't really want to smile. I feel there is just a deep sadness and sense of loss inside her that she allows to bubble up every few days. The good news is that she has more good/happy days in-between the not so happy ones.  Of course, she deserves all the time she needs to grieve and we are giving her that as much as we know how, but it is so good to see her beginning to spend more time happy than sad.

So why was yesterday the turning point in progress for her?  Well, in the morning we met with a professional that will be working with us to co-ordinate a team of occupational therapists and physical therapists and speech therapists to get started helping her to catch up to where she should be. She was very encouraging in and agreed with us that Liliana is very smart and just needs help getting stronger and adding to her set of skills. Part of the evaluation had her asking me several questions about things that she had not had the opportunity to observe whether Lily was able to do or not. One of the questions was if she attempted to climb up onto any furniture to sit. I told her "no" as I had never seen Lily even have any interest in sitting on a chair or the sofa (with the exception of the child sized princess fold out couch we have). I had to think she had probably never even seen such a piece of furniture before coming here and just paid it little to no attention. For some reason that question really got to me and as I sat there thinking about it I was so very sad. I couldn't even tell you why that question had that effect really. There were many others that I had to tell them she wasn't able to do as well. Maybe it was the build up of it all and I just kept thinking about all she had missed out on it her first two and a half years and it was hard to swallow answering question after question I guess. 

Later in the afternoon Gabby, Lily and I were playing in the floor of the living room when Lily made her way over to one of the leather side chairs and began to try and climb into the chair. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and couldn't help but be amazed! Here she was trying to do the very thing that I felt such sadness about her not being able to do just this morning. I grabbed my camera and began to video her as she tried. I recorded three failed attempts filled with frustration and tears for her before she finally made it up into the chair and smiled at all she had accomplished! She was sweating and her face and eyes were red from crying, but she had made it!

Gabby and I cheered and cheered for Lily and I thanked God for the nugget of encouragement in the exact way I needed it. I have no doubt that was His way of saying "don't doubt what she is capable of and what I have in store for her!".  I am listening Lord - I am listening!! Liliana is no doubt a little MIRACLE!

 She made it up! 

 Big Sis, Gabby, joins her for a little "Max and Ruby" cartoon time. The undisputed favorite in this house :)

 A little JOY anyone?! This is what happy looks like :)

Oh how I love those precious smiles!

This week started out exciting and there is no sign of that excitment going away anytime soon! We are preparing for the arrival of our Au Pair from China, Morgan, on Thursday evening.  We are so excited to meet her in person after corresponding for months with her over Skype now. She is just so sweet and I, for one, can't wait for the help and adult company throughout the day with kiddos :) She flew into New York city yesterday for a 4 day training and sightseeing excursion before she will fly into Cincinnati Thursday evening and to what will become her new home for at least the next year. 

I am not going to pretend that adding yet another person to our home - albeit this one temporary - isn't somewhat terrifying! But I am convinced that we will enrich our lives, her life and the lives of all the kiddos so much by venturing out on this adventure, too.  There is no looking back now.....

And one final update is to mention that Liliana will be meeting with the cardiology team for testing this Friday. We will get a much clearer picture of what struggles her heart may be having and what next steps are in the plan to get her healthy and whole!

I am including a few more pictures from over the last couple of weeks.  And an update on what Lily is able to do since arriving home as I am sure that her skill set will continue to get larger as the days and weeks progress here. 

This month (Oct.) Lily is 30 months old (2 1/2 years)

• Liliana can crawl  (quickly enough to catch Gabby who runs away with a toy she took from Lily :)
• Liliana can stand up on her own without holding anything
• Lily can take up to 4 steps on her own before she sits back down on the floor
• Lily can cruise all over anywhere she wants as long as she has something to balance her - a wall will work just fine!
• Lily can climb up on to the sofa and chairs in the family room on her own (just started this!). 
• Lily naps from 1-3:30pm every day and sleeps from 8pm until 9am every night..in the room she shares with sister, Gabby.
• Lily LOVES eggs - in any form!
• Lily is still afraid of the dog and cat, but will get very close to where they are laying on the floor and clap and laugh as she looks at them - she only touches them every now and then and it's a very quick pat that is followed by hysterical giggling :)
• Liliana is very good at pouring tea for us from her Fisher Price tea pot set and even joining in the pretend drinking of said tea ;)
• Lily loves jackets and sweaters and if she comes across one she will grab it and insist that you put it on her - even if it causes her to sweat! 
• Lily LOVES headbands and bows - seriously! She often has to go to bed with one because of you take it off her when laying her down she screams.
• Lily is the best behaved toddler I have ever seen at meals out in a restaurant. She is truly super good and has excellent table manners :)
• Lily can say "hi" and "mama" even though most people would not know she was saying either, but they are new sounds she has acquired since coming home and that is super exciting!
• Lily has learned to point, wave and blow kisses since coming home and if I call for her she will come find me. 
• Bath time is one of her very favorite activities by far and has been since the beginning.
• Lily has now given me 4 official "kisses" even though they have come from much coaxing! 
• Lily can show us her belly when we ask "where is your belly?" I always tickle her so now she starts laughing as soon as I ask the question :)

Dancing queen...with the wall not far behind her she was feeling confident enough to show off :)

Sisters :)

Modeling her "Babiators" - a gift from a great friend :)

I love the sweet look on her face in this picture.

She is pretty good and maneuvering this Little Tykes ride on around and takes it everywhere inside and outside the house!

That's our bunch!  At Shaw Farm's pumpkin patch this past weekend.

With my little ladies :)

Thank you for staying tuned and to all of you that are still sending emails, making comments and cards I want to say a special thank you!  I love the encouraging words and have read and re-read every one that I have received...they truly are food for my soul :)

Blessings, 

Jessica (and family)

Love is the best medicine!

 Our clan!  This was my husband's first time watching all five kids by himself....the bathroom is a good place to "corral" them I guess :)

13 days..... That is how long we have now been home.  Amazing how life has changed. It looks so different than it did this time last month.  And different is good even if it has been so overwhelming. We know that the feeling of being overwhelmed will get better for us and for Liliana who has certainly been dealing with way more emotionally, physically and mentally than we have.  The kids have all been adjusting really well to having a new sister, too.  Lily is just crazy about all of the boys and lights up whenever they walk into the room.  She is less crazy about Gabby, but is warming up to her. Gabby has been so sweet to her and is obviously made to be a big sister.

Since arriving we now have some medical answers and explanations regarding Liliana which has given us a rest of thinking about it and imaging things on our own.  For 3 weeks we wondered what the specialists would say and what kind of diagnosis they would give her. We knew whatever they told us was going to be okay and we would do whatever it took to help Lily overcome anything that she needed to. Derek and I both felt at peace before going that morning where the months and weeks leading up to this that wasn't exactly the case. I knew that God was in control of this and He would bring us through whatever He had brought us to.

The appointment went so well overall and while we learned that she indeed has PDA (Patent Ductus Arteriosus) which is a congenital heart defect that most often only effects prematurely born babies. After her general examination by the head doctor at our International Adoption Center here at Children's Hospital, it was determined that the condition for her is pretty substantial. There are many varying degrees of this with the larger holes obviously causing a much great risk for heart failure.  The Dr. did give me the stethoscope to listen to her heart and it literally brought me to tears. I couldn't even hear the actual beating of her heart, but only this very loud whooshing and gurgling noises made by the blood rushing to her lungs before being regurgitated back into the heart. Thsi, of course, overworks the heart and causing enlarging and stress on the heart muscle. The best news is that it is suspected that oncce she has her surgery her heart will completely recover and return to normal!
Next steps for her heart is obviously surgery as soon as possible, but we have to meet with the cardiologist and do specialized testing to figure out if there are any other issues going on with her heart at this time. Often PDA is linked to other congenital heart defects. We are praying against that in Lily!
We will hopefully have the testing done and a surgery scheduled within a month or two as we also want to get her a little stronger physically before moving forward with such an operation.

During the 4.5 hour appointment we learned so many things about Lily, but were also left with many other heartbreaking questions that we will most likely never (maybe thankfully) have all the answer. Through talking with all the doctors we met with we did learn that the abuse and neglect she has experienced in her first 29 months has been pretty severe. It broke our hearts to hear what they suspect different marks and scars on her little body meant must have happened to her. We just cried and hugged her through much of the morning, but were able to come out on the other side knowing what a fighter she is and that we can now rebuild what was kept from her and start fresh now that she is home!

One thing we heard over and over again from each professional we met with that morning was how incredible her spirit was. They were amazed with how joyful and well bonded she appeared to already be. They felt it was remarkable that she was able to form an attachment to us so quickly given the difficult situations she has obviously been in before coupled with being over 2 years old. To have been through the things they know she has suffered they all felt that was quite a testament to her resilience and ability to love and still trust in the good and that will serve her so well in having a bright and promising future. Of course while there they did all her measurements to see where she fit on the growth chart. While her weight is certainly way under what it should be, the doctors were impressed that she has put on 3.5lbs since we got her just over 3 weeks ago!  Her head size and height is right on the mark. While she is couple inches shorter than her big sis Gabby (who is actually short for her age on a standard American pediatric growth chart) she is tracking fine for her Asian descent :)
Developmentally she has been assessed to be around 14-16 months instead of her 29 months. The good news is that she is expected to catch up fully given some time and encouragement. Her brain literally just needs time to make the connections and receive the stimulation that she had not been  given until this point in her life. Knowing what we know about how smart she is I know that she is going to surprise everyone by how quickly she "catches up" and jumps ahead of her true age :)

This morning I had to head back to Children's and have her Tuberculosis skin test read. Thank God that was negative!  We also got the results from her stool samples where they test for intestinal parasites and those were also negative!! We had been warned that the percentage of kiddos coming from international adoption with positive result for parasites is very high so we had been very cautious at home and assumed that was a strong possibility for her. The fact that she doesn't have them is truly amazing and another miracle in all of this!

With all of those results and tests behind us we are feeling a big weight off of us and if Lily could understand any of this I am sure she would being feeling it as well! We will now concentrate on getting her more and more nutrition and ready for what lies ahead of her in regards to procedures to get her on the road to being physically whole.  In the meantime we will continue to help her learn her basic tasks of crawling, standing and walking. She is continuing  to build strength in her limbs and core which is imperative for her to be able to accomplish these actions. The Physical Therapist we met with at Children's was very optimistic that she will be able to do all of those very soon. Certainly after her heart is repaired and functioning properly. Much of her inability to do these things lies not only in her physical (muscle) strength (or lack there of), but also in her endurance. It is very difficult for her right now to strain her lungs and heart in the way it does when she practices walking for instance.  When she tries she just sweats profusely (literally hair and clothes get wet!). We have been trying to help her with little things that are helping her to build her muscle strength so that it will be easier for her to achieve standing and walking on her own without straining her too much.

While Lily has many obstacles to overcome we know that she has already come such a long long way toward her complete recovery. She is finally with her family and she is getting more love than she knows what to do with - I can promise you that! She is now getting so much nutrition and she is flourishing because of it. Her fingernails which we didn't have to cut at all in the 2 weeks we had her in China have now had to be cut 2x since arriving home (less than 2 weeks!) and her hair is already growing like crazy and becoming much shinier and softer (her course, dull hair was caused by malnutrition the doctor explained to us). Her skin tone looks better, as well, and her cheeks are getting so full and round. And as I already mentioned, she has put on more than 10% of her body weight in just over 3 weeks which is amazing!

These pictures were taken after her nap on the same day that she had her visit to Cincinnati Children's Hospital's International Adoption Center...complete with bandages fresh on her arms. Still smiling!

We still don't understand any of what she says, but she really babbles (toddler Mandarin anyone?) a ton now - mostly when supposed to be going to sleep and trying to carrying on a conversation across the bedroom with her sister, Gabby :) Lily also loves music and "dances" in her car seat while listening to music in the car. She has learned how to wave "hi" and "bye", give you a "high five", point to what she needs/wants, attempt to use sign language for "more", blow kisses, give hugs, lift up her shirt when you ask where her "belly is?" and maybe most amazingly she will go lay down in the hearth room where I typically change her diaper if she is dirty and needs a new diaper!
She is one smart and resilient little girl and she has been made for big things and big miracles. Her life is already an amazing miracle and we just can't wait to see what else is in store for her. We just feel so blessed to be her parents and be able to witness what God is going to continue to do in her life.

Thank you for all your continued prayers, your letters, texts, emails and your comments on Facebook, etc. I just can't tell you how encouraging you all have been to us and how much it is truly needed and appreciated. While we know how blessed we are, we are also dealing with the real life struggles that this journey has brought our family. Knowing that we are not in this alone and that Lily is not in this alone truly makes all the difference in the world!

We love you all and thank you so much for continuing to follow along on this journey with us.
God bless!!
Jessica (and family)

Zoo time with my girls :)

This is just the beginning!

At the "farmer's market" in our hometown - 2nd weekend home :)

Prior to coming home with Liliana I had felt almost as if the "end goal" was getting to her. Like that would be the climax of these incredible 3 year long adventure we had been on.  I realized pretty quickly though how wrong that thought process was. Well, actually I don't even know that it was something I had consciously thought about, but rather something that just was. Since coming home I have been really overwhelmed by the realization that this is really just the beginning of the adventure. Like everything leading up to bringing Lily home was the warm up or maybe the "huddle" (I have football on the brain! ;)

Well, today is Sunday. Our second Sunday since arriving home and our second church service together as a family. It feels like it has always been this way already. Lily is so easy going and seems to be happy no matter what we are doing as long as she is with us (well, me really still at this point ;) and she is being fed. Seriously, we have to keep snacks in front of her 24/7! :) We had our annual church picnic at RiverTree today and it was a beautiful day. She enjoyed visiting with our church family while we sat outside in a shady spot enjoying plenty of good food :)

Our first Sunday at church as a family

 Lily and me at the church picnic today :)

The last 3 or 4 days have been "good days" for her and today was no exception. She woke up smiling and happy.  She smiled all the way through breakfast and the ride to church and was still smiling when we put her down for her nap. On her "bad" days she is just so stoic and sad. She doesn't want to laugh or smile and much and isn't happy playing or being held or anything. On those days she seems to just want to lay around and stare at her surroundings, but it's not like she is really seeing anything she is looking at. We feel like the "bad" days are the days that she is grieving for all she has lost.
I understand that it may be hard for people to understand how she could be sad considering all she has gained and the kind of need she was living with before. The truth is that she has lost all that she has ever known twice now (when she was left at the hospital presumably by her family at 1 year of age and then when we took her from the orphanage) and that has to be devastating. She may not remember details of these first 3 years of her life as she grows older, but at her age now she certainly knows and remembers what has happened to her in these 2 short years and those events have caused her a lot of pain.  It will take some time for her to realize that we aren't going anywhere and that she can trust that her life will be full of happiness and belonging now and forever. I pray that happens quickly for her.

Since coming home Lily has really made some great leaps forward in her physical abilities!  When we got her in China she would do little more than lay on the floor or sit up and stay in one spot while playing with toys. Each day there she progressed a bit as well, but since coming home we have really watched her blossom.  Today is the 10th day since arriving home and she is just like an entirely different kid in so many ways:)  She now crawls very well (and fast) to anything she wants to get to. We have noticed however, that given the option she wants to walk!  She can't balance well enough to walk without assistance yet, but she "cruises" all over holding onto furniture, walls, etc. This past week I purchased her one of those walker push toys and she has been walking all over that. The hardwood floors make that an easy task for her between on the rooms on our main floor.

This is another ride on toy she spends a lot of time playing with inside :)

This week since arriving home has been full of visitors for Lily.  It has been really nice to have so many people coming to show their love to us and Liliana. I know that it has been instrumental in her growth - love can overcome so much! It is especially exciting to watch her light up when other kids are around. She giggles and smiles watching them run around and play. She loves when they sit down and play next to her. I enjoy watching her study them and their movements. Older children is something she never saw before. She was in a room with only infants in her orphanage so seeing older kids running and playing and talking is all new to her. She clearly loves it :)

Derek and I are both so thankful to all our friends who have been coming by nearly every day since we returned delivering meals and gifts, etc.(and just hanging out and getting to know Lily, too :)  Our boys have been loving the variety of food as we are able to eat on leftovers for several days and usually have several choices for dinner each night. What a blessing it has been to me and Derek to be able to enjoy home cooked meals each night (I expected we would be eating take out nearly every night and was dreading it!).  We have been able to devote the time to playing with the girls and helping the boys with school work, etc. without worrying about preparing a meal. It has been such a great way to ease back into life as we now know it and give our kids the attention they all need right now.  I just can't thank each one of you enough for this!

I have been reading a book over the last week since returning home that was recommended to me by my agency called "Toddler Adoption" by Mary Hopkins-Best. It is a great book and has really opened my eyes to so many things regarding Lily as a toddler who has gone through living in an institution, her healing process and how we can expect her progression to look going forward.  I really only wish I had read this book prior to going to China. I think it would have prepared me a bit more for what I was going to encounter. If you are reading this and will be adopting a toddler (any child 1 year of age or older) I really encourage you to get this book and read it!

Through this process I have already grown so much as a mom, as a person and in my relationship with Christ. And I know there is so much more to come of course! Adoption is a beautiful union for a family to come about from, but it when you are adopting a toddler and maybe especially internationally, I can say it is not for the faint of heart. We have leaned so heavily on the prayers of our family and brothers and sisters in Christ since first getting the file on Lily.  We are continuing to do so as we are now coming face to face with the medical diagnosis that we will be handed over the next few weeks and months with our first appointment at Cincinnati Children's Hospital with her tomorrow morning. My heart is not burdened by this now as it has been in previous weeks and months. I feel very confident about her future and I feel strongly that we are going to witness and absolute miracle in her life. Her heart will be strong, her mind alert and receptive and her future is bright and full of possibilities :)
We are so privileged to be her parents and I am eternally grateful to our Father in Heaven who knew what our family would look like before we ever even dreamed of a family! His plan is always the perfect plan :)

Love,
Jessy


Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 40:29-31
"He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint."