We started out on top of a mountain just a couple of weeks ago - as happy and high as we could be! 3 Saturdays ago as we were preparing to watch the 2nd oldest of my younger brothers get married. My entire family was so happy. My dad would be there lighting the unity candles, my oldest son was going to be ring bearer, 2 of my other brothers were groomsmen and we were just all so happy for Troy and his new wife (who we all love and adore!).
The wedding was beautiful....tons of family pictures taken, there was lots of celebrating at the reception with everyone dancing and laughing and enjoying each other. I was reunited with my step mom's (Troy's mom) family who I hadn't seen in years. It was so nice to see them again and catch up a little bit. I enjoyed seeing Tippy again and talking to her - I hadn't seen her in a few years. She had been married to my dad most of my childhood years and although they had divorced many years ago it was great to see them coming together and having such a great time at such a joyous event.
Of course, I got to introduce my children to everyone. The boys and Gabby were a hit and baby Gabby was just such a good girl through the whole day and all the events. We got to sit at a table with my dad, his new fiance, my brothers and Derek and our children. It was truly a great day!
On Monday Derek began moving all of our real estate business to ReMax United Associates in Montgomery. He had spoken with our Keller Williams office and let them know that we felt it would be best to make a move to ReMax. Our team and business has been growing so much (Praise God!) and we were ready to move closer to home with our team and have a large office space solely for our team. We were growing our business again and things were really looking up. It was a hectic time as he had to move all 66 listings from our old brokerage over to our new ReMax office. We were hiring 2 new buyer's agents and looking for a new admin to help assist our agents. During this time the leads just kept pouring in from our personal websites and now we were also getting ReMax leads that needed to be handled. It seemed like overnight someone had turned up the volume button! While it was exciting and we were so thankful for the blessings (and the confirmation that this was a great move for us!) we were having a hard time transitioning our team and handling all the new leads that were flooding in while taking care of all our existing business. Poor Derek was working all day and most nights to stay on top of everything, but he was doing a great job.
Meanwhile, I went about the task of putting together invites and an invite list for Gabby's "Adoption Day"! Just a little more than a week away and we would be finalizing our precious baby girl's place in the Tye family - woohoo!! A couple of days later, on Wednesday afternoon, I went to pick up her finished invitations. Derek and I sat down together that afternoon and came up with the list of everyone that we should invite and try to squeeze into that little court room :) Our course the grandma's and grandpa's, aunt and uncles, cousins, close friends. We laughed about if the court room could actually hold all of us. One thing we knew is that Gabby was loved and so supported - this would be quite a celebration! Life was going so well and we were so excited to share in this blessing with everyone who could possibly want to witness it!!
Later that night I received a phone call that would change everything - not just with the planning of Gabby's adoption day or the transition of our business, but our entire lives. There had been an accident and my dad was being rushed to the hospital. The officer that called me Wednesday evening at 10pm advised that I drop everything and get to the hospital immediately. Such dread I had never felt before. I couldn't breathe. My heart was racing so fast that I literally would lose my breath. Derek ran next door and had a neighbor come sit at the house as all the kids were sleeping. My mother in law would be on her way to relieve them shortly.
We just couldn't get there fast enough, but we did everything we could to get out of the house as fast as possible. He had been taken to a hospital across town and by the time we got there it was too late. My dad, who I had just been celebrating such a happy time with and who was young (56 y/o)and in good health, was gone. It was in the blink of an eye - just like that. I really couldn't believe it. I heard the doctor and the nurse. I heard Derek but I couldn't believe them.....really I didn't believe them. My heart wouldn't accept it. I couldn't see him so I slipped further into denial that this could possibly be real. I kept praying to wake up from this horrible nightmare. Unfortunately I never woke up......
After contacting my younger brothers we all met up at Troy's house with my step mom, Tippy, to try and help support each other and sort through what had happened. How was it possible that our dad was gone? None of us could believe it. To complicate it there is no determined "cause of death" and we were told it could be months before we would know while we waited on a coroner's findings. To say this wasn't "fair" really didn't begin to touch on how we felt. I had never really imagined losing a parent, but certainly never under such circumstances as these. How do you pick all the pieces up and move forward when you don't even know what the pieces are?
Over the next several days I had to lean heavily on Derek to make phone calls and help plan the final arrangements regarding my dad. He spoke to anyone who called with concerns or condolences - I couldn't. He talked to the hospital and funeral home - I couldn't. He helped to co-ordinate everything with my family so that they could make plans to come up from Florida for the funeral. I tried to busy myself by getting ready for the funeral with the music selections, picture boards and even making a dvd of my dad. It was incredibly difficult to get through those, but it helped me feel closer to my dad even though I couldn't touch him or talk to him.
During this time we received such an outpouring of love from our friends and family. Derek would talk to people several times a day that he would then relay their kind words and condolences to me. I received letter and cards in the mail with personal stories and messages of hope and love...several every day. I would read those and pray and try to commit the words to memory to draw on when it got hard to breath again. And all the meals that arrived nearly every night for the next week. Without them I don't know if my children would have had any nutritional food to eat. The friends that came by and took the boys for outings and overnights the first few days to help them get through their grief. My mom and my mother-in-law that literally dropped what they were doing and stayed with us for the next week just to help us get through each day.
Derek would check my facebook account and read me messages that friends were leaving. When I was able to start reading them myself I would sit with tears streaming down my face as I read dozens of private messages and dozens of wall posts. They were filled with such sincere sympathy and love that I just didn't know how to respond. All I wanted was for my dad to be alive and for all this to go away. Reading these messages of love and friendship and compassion helped me so much more than I can ever relate back to those that provided them. I truly didn't know how much people really cared. Even as I have sat here today typing out this blog my mail has come in and I opened one card from a very close friend of my dad with money and a note that they wanted to help us with any expenses that we may have incurred to date. How can you not cry when you receive something like that? This from a person that I know is in tremendous pain at the loss of my father. Someone who in spite of all they are going through and dealing with in regards to their own loss is reaching out in the most practical way they know how - no strings attached. How blessed was my dad to have these people in his life and how blessed am I that he put them in mine?
In today's mail I also opened a letter from our adoption attorney. It is the final stamped decree of Gabrielle's adoption. Such an incredible blessing and it is dated the day after we laid my father, her grandfather, to rest. Probably needless to say, with the events that happened Derek and I never finished our invitation list, never addressed a single invitation and never mailed anything out as we had planned to. There was too much pain to be able to concentrate on the immeasurable joy that came with us adopting our baby girl. I couldn't help, but think about how my dad wasn't going to be there and he would never be able to watch her grow up. He adored Gabby. He loved to hold her and she was his granddaughter without a doubt from the first moment he laid eyes on her. I am sad that Gabby will never know my daddy or be able to spend time dancing in his arms like he did with me 30+ years ago when I was a "daddy's little girl". And I KNOW that he would have danced with her.......
I am thankful for my precious mother in law, Jeannie, that did come with us to witness Gabby's adoption hearing. And Derek's cousin, Bryan, and his family. His girl's nanny for us during the week and have really gotten to know Gabby as well as anyone. It was incredible that they took time out of their days to come and support us and love on her! Even though we didn't get to invite all our friends and family, God brought us some support - he knew just what we needed - he always does.
Today was going to be my return to my job as a client educator (counselor) at PregnancyCare of Cincinnati. I left the house this morning for my 10-4 shift, but I during my drive there I was feeling very overwhelmed and "panicky". My heart was pounding out of my chest and I was feeling so anxious. I knew that I wouldn't be able to actually counsel anyone for a while, but I thought I could at least be there and be helpful in other ways. I truly wanted to be there. As I walked in and started talking to the director it was obvious that I had pushed myself a little too fast. I had been attending Tanner's football games, working on my yearbook projects at the boy's school, going to bible study, etc. this week so I didn't think that this would be any different. I thought it would actually (like the other things I mentioned) be a good distraction for me. Boy was I wrong.
All I can figure is that our work there is just so intense and emotional that while it is my heart and I absolutely know that it is what I am called to do there just isn't enough of me to give right now. God knows that even if I am in denial. My soul was not well with things and my Heavenly Father knows that better than anyone. He knew that my desire to do this work could not win over my ability right now. My director, as well as everyone else in the office, took time to pray with me and for me and to let me know that they want me to take the time that I need - however long that may be - to grieve and rest. To get through the many tough days and weeks that are ahead and we begin to work on settling my dad's estate.
I just can not say enough about this incredible place. PregnancyCare of Cincinnati and everyone that works there are amazing. I don't mean they are amazing when it feels good to be or when things are going well, but amazing when you can't help them and amazing when they have to pick up your slack. It's not that I expected they wouldn't be this way, but I was amazed at the level of love and compassion and understanding I saw from them today. They are truly in the ministry and about doing God's work and letting Christ shine through them every day and in every way. I am so blessed to be a part of this organization and so thankful!
While I was there it was also brought to my attention that at least one donation had been made to PregnancyCare in my dad's name. Though I had known about the donation already, it reminded me of how much that meant to our organization. I am so grateful that I went in this morning. Even if I was sent back home it wasn't before being covered in love and prayers and being reminded that my dad really has left behind a legacy that will continue to show up and help many people in many ways.Like he wrote in the letters that I found addressed to his children, "Our actions and deeds can influence and change things, but every human being on this earth was meant to be here for some reason. I know my children are here to do something and to enrich the lives of many...." Thank you Lord for all that you provide!
I need to bring this post to an end. If anyone made it this far I am sure that you are also looking for it to wrap up!
I want to end with this: My dad is gone from our lives - for now. The pain of this heartbreak for me is truly so much more than I thought a person would be able to endure in this life. But through the pain and heartbreak God has shown me so many victories and blessings. Relationships with my dad's family and children have been restored and we all continue to grow closer. My baby girl was made officially a Tye and will live to carry on my dad's legacy just as his 4 boys, me and all of our children and future children will. I was able to find letters that my dad wrote to his children that assures me that he knew Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior and is in Heaven excited for the day we will all be reunited. We had that one last weekend of pure joy and happiness with my dad just before he left this world. One where he was happy and healthy and truly excited about everything happening in his life including the blessings of his children and grandchildren. And so much more........
I know that life goes on, and even when I want it to just all stop while I try to pull myself and my life back together somehow, I know I can't. I am not the first person to lose a father and my children are not the first children to lose a beloved grandpa - they have actually been through this once before. Somehow everyone figures out a way to go on. I do know that one very important thing I will take from this experience is knowing how to love someone in a way that will truly matter to them....especially in their time of need. I have seen and felt so much love and compassion through this experience. While I do not wish this on anyone I don't think that there is an other way I could have learned this lesson. It certainly took some measure of immense loss like this to show me (and perhaps others) how to love like Christ loved others. And how little our time here on earth really is. How important how we spend each and every day and love each and every person we know, regardless of the good and bad times, is.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart and from my entire family to each and every one of you. Whether you posted a message, sent a card, provided a meal, sent a letter, showed up to offer condolences at my dad's funeral, sent flowers or prayed on our behalf - each and every little thing has been such a blessing to us. I pray each one of you and yours be blessed! I will continue to take each day as it comes and I pray that someday soon I am able to get back to the me that I knew before I lost my dad. Much of my joy is gone, but I am trusting that God will help me get that back with the continued support of each of you and my incredible husband and children who I am forever grateful for.
"Bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2
“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you…” John 15:12
