I am such an blessed girl! I don't say that with a prideful attitude, but rather with a humbleness that can truly only come when you realize how undeserving you really are of all that is in your life. It's the kind of gratefulness for the life you have that words are really not able to express. I am literally brought to tears when I realize how much grace and forgiveness I have been given to go so far beyond "you are forgiven" to "you are favored of God". Wow, stops me in my tracks! Praise God I AM favored of God and I willingly except all he has for me (at least this is what I am determined to keep telling myself until I KNOW that I believe it deep down in my soul!) Even when those blessings don't initially seem like blessings - and often the biggest blessings don't - I am going to be grateful and remind myself to stay humble. Many times what is going on in my life isn't for my benefit at all, but for his plan and in order to bless someone else. When I sit an ponder all that is going on in our lives with the adoption I begin to feel so very blessed! Blessed to have a husband that is supportive and also wants another child - and not a child that is biologically his. Blessed to have the financial ability to adopt a child - something that seemed like may never again be the case after the financial stresses that we went through in both our business and personal life just a couple of years ago. Blessed to have such an incredible support network. However, when I look beyond me and my families blessings I feel God's heart for one of his children. A child that without a family like us to adopt them into their home may never know him or know what it is to be loved and nurtured. Could we possibly even begin to be as blessed as the little girl that he has set aside for us? She doesn't even know to dream for a family or pray for God's provisions and yet He will bring them to her all the same. He will use my family, my friends, my church, my neighborhood, my city to bless her life and her eternity. He will surely use her to bless many others throughout her life, as well. We will be able to witness God's work first hand. Yes, I am a very blessed girl!
As I write this I am looking at a Christmas tree with many unwrapped gifts strewn about underneath. Just waiting to be distributed to their rightful places in our home. Since returning home from visiting with family yesterday we have been busy putting things at home back in order. The last of those things will surely be many of the new gifts we received that have remained under the tree.
I think that this was one of the best Christmas I have had maybe ever, but certainly in recent memory. We did less because of "tradition" and more based on relationships, family and fellowship. We were blessed to be able to spend Christmas Eve celebrating with my husband's cousins, their children and his mom. It was something we haven't done in at least 15 years! Chaotic, loud and down right perfect! We had at least 15 kids here with at least that many adults. Eating, laughing, talking, playing games and not one present was exchanged!
This year for Christmas day we celebrated in the morning with my Dad and 3 of my brothers and then headed to church to celebrate with our church family. What an incredible blessing it was to be able to worship and celebrate as a church body the birth of Jesus!
As soon as church was over we headed out - entire family in tow, including the dog- to McKee, KY. It's a very small town in the hills of Kentucky about an hour south east of Lexington - just outside of Berea. It is where my mom's side of the family originated. As a matter of fact, my grandma and grandpa live on the piece of land (in the old footprint of my great grandparent's home) where I used to visit as a child and see my great grandparents. My mom lives just behind them where you look up the hill and see their home. It really was special to share that with my kid and Derek, who had never been there before (my mom just moved down there a couple of years ago).
Things have changed over the last 30 years since I used to visit as a child, but many things had not. The very fact that my children can even visit any of their great grandparents is such a blessing! They will be visiting my Dad's mom in April who lives in Florida and is doing well. We are a blessed family indeed!
These are the things that make life so rich. It is not the gifts or the perfectly decorated house or tree that make Christmas such an amazing time of year. It is coming together with the people that you love and love you. The people that make you who you are for better or for worse and sharing in the celebration of our beloved Savior in an imperfect but utterly thankful way!
At any rate we had to draw up a non-traditional owner financing agreement to purchase our home which further complicates the paperwork that China wants to see. We needed the seller, Daniel, to write up a letter stating that we are indeed the owner's of the home and are just doing non-traditional financing through him. We have been ready to refinance with a bank now with the great interest rates for some time, but we now have to hold off on that until this process is over since changing things now could hold up our process and cause us to have to submit updated paperwork. None of that really matters I guess....again we know how blessed we were to find the right house owned by the right person to help us make all of this happen. There are no coincidences....God had a plan for us! We will wait until the right time for everything to fall into place :)
Anyway, we got a phone call moments ago from Daniel saying that he will have the ownership letter ready for us this evening and we can stop by to pick it up. Since I completed the financials this afternoon that means we will have EVERYTHING complete on our end!
And in perfect order, in the mail today arrived our USCIS appointment confirmations! This is a very important step in our process since this step alone often holds things up (waiting on the government, imagine that! ;) and ours seems to have arrived in record time. This is the appointment where we must appear in the USCIS office at the downtown Federal building to be fingerprinted and receive permission to be able to adopt internationally.
My first thing to do after the New Year is to meet up with my notary and have all these documents notarized. It will be the first step in this new year to what very well may be the best year yet! To what I know will be a truly AMAZING 2012!
Thank you all who are reading this for your continued prayers and well wishes. It means so much to us...having support is paramount as we go through this process. As I look over the gifts I am about to put away I notice 2 little books that my mom gave us in a package marked "Granddaughter" at Christmas. I know soon she will be here with us and I will be reading her those little books....that is the kind of support that pushes us forward and gives us the hope we need to continue forward expectantly! :)
"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord......" Jeremiah 29:11
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Overwhelmed.....
Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Like there aren't enough hours in the day or just not enough of you to be all the places you need to be during the day? How about like if one more thing gets added to your "to do list" you will scream? I assume most everyone reading this is answering yes, yes, YES! If not, good for you. You must have learned the elusive "balance" everyone talks about. For me life is usually a juggling act where I am just trying not to actually let ALL of the balls hit the ground, but usually a few bounce off the floor every now and then anyway. I am not sure that there is such a thing as "balance" for me because I just don't give everything the same amount of weight. Some things in my life will always out weigh other things so I am usually struggling to keep that ball in the air while I will let others fall. You know - the things that no matter what else has to give you simply will not compromise on? Maybe it's your work, your family, your spouse, your friends, your time at the gym, your faith, God.....different things weigh more or less during different seasons in your life, perhaps.
Lately for me I have been trying to focus a great deal of my efforts and time on our adoption process. There are piles (and I mean PILES!) of paperwork to be filled out, meeting after meeting to attend. Numerous appointments with doctors to determine our mental, emotional and physical well being and so many other things that I just don't want to go into. The above has been filling my every week and nearly every day since August 11, 2011.
Prior to beginning this process (back in July) my days and weeks were filled with play dates for my boys, lunch with girlfriends, attending various classes at my gym, working with Derek in our real estate office, jogs with my dog, shopping for,preparing and serving my family dinner, volunteer activities, time studying God's word and His direction in my life, etc., etc. Since then I have struggled to get to any of my classes at the gym, spend little to no time at all in the office helping Derek with our business, rarely prepare a from scratch meal anymore, have missed out on too many volunteer opportunities and the jogs with my dog are spaced way too far apart and I feel like I more less pass by to say "hi" to God on my way to the next "thing". While I struggle to keep the things in my schedule that makes my life mine - and one that I truly love and enjoy living - I feel that I am starting to lose the wheel. You know that feeling when it feels like life is getting away - verging on out of control and into something you didn't want and never intended - and you aren't sure how or when you will be able to get it back?
Anyway, kind of got me thinking.....a few weeks ago was probably the peak of this feeling for me. I was just so overwhelmed. I had felt like I was breezing through this process and even our adoption agency said we were. They even said they were going to have to slow us down because we were too efficient! I thought, "wow! we are just going to breeze through all of this and we will have our daughter home quicker than we even imagined!" I was naive and way under estimated the amount of emotions and fatigue that was waiting just under the surface for something to trigger them.
It was at that time that we had finished up all our interviews and reports for the Home study portion. Now while our social worker wrote up our family biographies to present to the Chinese authorities and powers that be, we were to begin working on all our final dossier paperwork (please refer to my last blog entry to learn more about that process). With much enthusiasm I began all that I needed to do for that. Then we received a call that a close family member had a life threatening emergency and would likely not make it more than a few days on life support. We had family flying in, people to meet with, doctors to talk to, a nephew who needed support and guidance and, of course, we dove into this situation without hesitation. The adoption paperwork could wait - this, our family, was top priority.
Meanwhile, our real estate business was relentless (as it has been for several months). Everyday more clients, new contracts and more closings being set up. 18 total closings set up for December alone right now and more on the horizon! A blessing we give God all the honor for, but overwhelming none the less. Unlike the adoption process this is not something we can set aside and say, "oh, it will wait". It became the juggling act of all juggling acts to be sure!
Once we got through the difficult week of losing our brother-in-law, laying him to rest and seeing our precious nephew off back to California it was time to start preparing for Thanksgiving. So I decided to leave the next steps in our dossier paperwork wait a little while longer. Now here it was a couple of days from December and I have clearly just been avoiding going back to the process and not just because of the calendar that we keep.
Every time I started to think about picking everything back up I started feeling very anxious and overwhelmed. I realized how big the mountain was before me and how small I really am in the whole process. Emotionally I sometimes feel defeated. I often have pity parties for myself and ask why? Why does there have to be SO many steps? Why do I have to go back to the doctor for the same test and paperwork twice? Why do I have to ask our police department to run new reports on Derek and me after I just had them do it once 2 months ago? Why do I have to re-visit all the seminar classes I already passed and got certificates for? Is this all worth it? Are my boys suffering because I am stressed out? What kind of mom does that make me? Am I stepping over what I have now just to get to what I want in the future? Is Derek under too much pressure and stress and we wade through our busiest December ever and I am not even able to help? Why can't Derek give me more assistance on this - I am not supposed to be doing this alone? What is "it" exactly that we are going through this for again?! Aaaaagggghhhhh!!
Well, after many hours of pity parties, crying out to God and finally being quiet long enough to hear Him remind me why I have a renewed strength. I am not actually sure what the answer is to most of those questions with the exception of one; the "it" is our daughter. She is the little girl that God knows and has set aside for us. She is the little girl who was born into an impossible situation, by a woman who loved her so much she risked everything to try and see to it that she would find a family to love her and cherish her - OUR FAMILY! That is why I HAVE to keep pushing forward. That is why I have to take a deep breath with I start feeling sorry for myself or feel like I am lacking as a mother to my boys or a spouse or business partner to my husband or when I feel like I just can't take one more step forward. Anything worth doing will not be easy and I know that with God walking beside me even when I fall I won't be down long because it is He who lifts me up. I have to remind myself that when I feel out of control it is because I AM! Ha - I was never in control to begin with! God is. He never promises us that things will be easy, but that when He is in them He will see us through. Of course, we are coming up against opposition - we can't expect anything less. The enemy is ticked that we are following God's plan for our life and will be adding another little warrior to our family and who knows how many more souls she will win for Heaven! He is good at playing with my emotions and filling me with doubt and fear, but God is better at reminding me who I really am and who He was called me to be. When I feel guilty that I don't have as much time to spend with my boys right now I have to remember that we agreed as a family that this process wouldn't be easy, but we all agreed to make sacrifices to bring our little daughter/baby sister home. Our condition right now is so temporary, but the end results will last for eternity!
Thank you all for reading our blog and for being a support network for us. I know that soon all this will be a distant memory and we won't be able to remember what life was like before our daughter came to our family.
For now I am going to step away from all the paperwork and enjoy a Christmas celebration tonight in downtown Montgomery with my husband and my boys. One that most likely we will be attending next year with one more person in our family :)
God bless!
Joshua 1:9-11 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
Lately for me I have been trying to focus a great deal of my efforts and time on our adoption process. There are piles (and I mean PILES!) of paperwork to be filled out, meeting after meeting to attend. Numerous appointments with doctors to determine our mental, emotional and physical well being and so many other things that I just don't want to go into. The above has been filling my every week and nearly every day since August 11, 2011.
Prior to beginning this process (back in July) my days and weeks were filled with play dates for my boys, lunch with girlfriends, attending various classes at my gym, working with Derek in our real estate office, jogs with my dog, shopping for,preparing and serving my family dinner, volunteer activities, time studying God's word and His direction in my life, etc., etc. Since then I have struggled to get to any of my classes at the gym, spend little to no time at all in the office helping Derek with our business, rarely prepare a from scratch meal anymore, have missed out on too many volunteer opportunities and the jogs with my dog are spaced way too far apart and I feel like I more less pass by to say "hi" to God on my way to the next "thing". While I struggle to keep the things in my schedule that makes my life mine - and one that I truly love and enjoy living - I feel that I am starting to lose the wheel. You know that feeling when it feels like life is getting away - verging on out of control and into something you didn't want and never intended - and you aren't sure how or when you will be able to get it back?
Anyway, kind of got me thinking.....a few weeks ago was probably the peak of this feeling for me. I was just so overwhelmed. I had felt like I was breezing through this process and even our adoption agency said we were. They even said they were going to have to slow us down because we were too efficient! I thought, "wow! we are just going to breeze through all of this and we will have our daughter home quicker than we even imagined!" I was naive and way under estimated the amount of emotions and fatigue that was waiting just under the surface for something to trigger them.
It was at that time that we had finished up all our interviews and reports for the Home study portion. Now while our social worker wrote up our family biographies to present to the Chinese authorities and powers that be, we were to begin working on all our final dossier paperwork (please refer to my last blog entry to learn more about that process). With much enthusiasm I began all that I needed to do for that. Then we received a call that a close family member had a life threatening emergency and would likely not make it more than a few days on life support. We had family flying in, people to meet with, doctors to talk to, a nephew who needed support and guidance and, of course, we dove into this situation without hesitation. The adoption paperwork could wait - this, our family, was top priority.
Meanwhile, our real estate business was relentless (as it has been for several months). Everyday more clients, new contracts and more closings being set up. 18 total closings set up for December alone right now and more on the horizon! A blessing we give God all the honor for, but overwhelming none the less. Unlike the adoption process this is not something we can set aside and say, "oh, it will wait". It became the juggling act of all juggling acts to be sure!
Once we got through the difficult week of losing our brother-in-law, laying him to rest and seeing our precious nephew off back to California it was time to start preparing for Thanksgiving. So I decided to leave the next steps in our dossier paperwork wait a little while longer. Now here it was a couple of days from December and I have clearly just been avoiding going back to the process and not just because of the calendar that we keep.
Every time I started to think about picking everything back up I started feeling very anxious and overwhelmed. I realized how big the mountain was before me and how small I really am in the whole process. Emotionally I sometimes feel defeated. I often have pity parties for myself and ask why? Why does there have to be SO many steps? Why do I have to go back to the doctor for the same test and paperwork twice? Why do I have to ask our police department to run new reports on Derek and me after I just had them do it once 2 months ago? Why do I have to re-visit all the seminar classes I already passed and got certificates for? Is this all worth it? Are my boys suffering because I am stressed out? What kind of mom does that make me? Am I stepping over what I have now just to get to what I want in the future? Is Derek under too much pressure and stress and we wade through our busiest December ever and I am not even able to help? Why can't Derek give me more assistance on this - I am not supposed to be doing this alone? What is "it" exactly that we are going through this for again?! Aaaaagggghhhhh!!
Well, after many hours of pity parties, crying out to God and finally being quiet long enough to hear Him remind me why I have a renewed strength. I am not actually sure what the answer is to most of those questions with the exception of one; the "it" is our daughter. She is the little girl that God knows and has set aside for us. She is the little girl who was born into an impossible situation, by a woman who loved her so much she risked everything to try and see to it that she would find a family to love her and cherish her - OUR FAMILY! That is why I HAVE to keep pushing forward. That is why I have to take a deep breath with I start feeling sorry for myself or feel like I am lacking as a mother to my boys or a spouse or business partner to my husband or when I feel like I just can't take one more step forward. Anything worth doing will not be easy and I know that with God walking beside me even when I fall I won't be down long because it is He who lifts me up. I have to remind myself that when I feel out of control it is because I AM! Ha - I was never in control to begin with! God is. He never promises us that things will be easy, but that when He is in them He will see us through. Of course, we are coming up against opposition - we can't expect anything less. The enemy is ticked that we are following God's plan for our life and will be adding another little warrior to our family and who knows how many more souls she will win for Heaven! He is good at playing with my emotions and filling me with doubt and fear, but God is better at reminding me who I really am and who He was called me to be. When I feel guilty that I don't have as much time to spend with my boys right now I have to remember that we agreed as a family that this process wouldn't be easy, but we all agreed to make sacrifices to bring our little daughter/baby sister home. Our condition right now is so temporary, but the end results will last for eternity!
Thank you all for reading our blog and for being a support network for us. I know that soon all this will be a distant memory and we won't be able to remember what life was like before our daughter came to our family.
For now I am going to step away from all the paperwork and enjoy a Christmas celebration tonight in downtown Montgomery with my husband and my boys. One that most likely we will be attending next year with one more person in our family :)
God bless!
Joshua 1:9-11 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Please don't faint!
Well, our Home study is officially over (at least on our end)! 4 weeks of interviews with numerous professionals both at our home and away are finally over. We officially "passed", according to our social worker, last week with our final face to face sit down with her. Our house had to be looked over and picked apart, our personal lives both past and present were dug out and scrutinized, our fears and failures discussed in detail. Our relationships with friends and family questioned and looked into. What makes us tick as a couple investigated. How we eat, sleep, work, discipline and express our love to each other was outlined. We even discussed at length what we didn't appreciate about each other and why.....I am still figuring out how to get back at Derek for that conversation (Ha - just kidding! ;) Nothing like bringing out all the dirt or all the skeletons like these type of interviews and interrogations! In reality our social worker was incredible, though. She was easy to talk to and listened without judgement or criticizing looks or words. I actually left most of the interviews feeling even more connected to Derek which is no easy task....we really have a very close and loving relationship. She helped us talk through past and present hurts and failures and brought us out on the other side teary eyed and feeling so very thankful for our stamina and strong will that helped us make it through (and continue to make it through) such times. So thankful for God's provisions and blessings in our lives! It made me see that while my family is certainly far from perfect and we have our level of dysfunction just like everyone else, I am one happy and lucky girl! My boys are amazing, my husband is a God send - literally - and I really want for nothing. Sounds like a great recipe for being able to give more of myself and my blessings away. And most exciting is that we know we are well suited to bring another perfect little gift from God into our family!
Now we wait for about a month for our report to be written up. This is the amount of time that it will take our social worker to write up our biography that will then be translated into mandarin and sent to the Chinese government for approval of our adoption.
I am anxious to see her report. It will be interesting (maybe hard) to see what someone who got so personal with us will write about our lives and our home and our family.
While we are waiting on our home study paperwork to be completed officially we have LOTS more paperwork to get started on now on our end. We have to now complete our "dossier" (pronounced Da-ce-a) paperwork that will be what is officially translated and sent to these Chinese authorities (CCCWA) for approval and selection of our child. This consists of the following documents:
I sent in our i-800a for to USCIS (immigration) for approval last week. We now have to wait on our government about 60 days to get back the approval on that form (must have that to send over with our dossier to China for approval). While we wait we will be busy getting all the other paperwork above completed and copied.
The craziest part is that as soon as we get all the documents completed they must all be notarized and then I have to take them to the Clerk of Courts in the county the notary was sworn in and have them certify that the notary is still in good standing with the county office - that has to be done 2x on each document as every piece has to have a copy also done. After that step we then have to FedEx all those docs to the Secretary of State who will certify them all and then they can be translated and sent to CCCWA - whew!!! Can you imagine if everyone had to go through this when deciding to have biological children???
Okay, so moral of the story is that I need to find out which one of my wonderful friends is a notary! Need to get working on figuring that one out :)
So that brings me to my title point - our doctor's appointments Thursday morning. Derek and I made our appointments to get all our blood tests and other physical examinations done. I was kind of excited to get word that Derek and I are still perfectly healthy - it's been at least a year since our last exams- but Derek was just thinking about the needles! For those of you that know Derek it is no secret that he is terrified of needles....and I mean TERRIFIED! The last time he had blood drawn we had to use smelling salts to get him back up off the table. I am not making fun of him, but it is kind of amusing. I know that the human race would have died out years ago if men were in charge of having babies so I know Derek is not alone in this ;)
"Your nurturing instincts will expand to include many people." - inside my fortune cookie that we received with our take out meal ;)
Now we wait for about a month for our report to be written up. This is the amount of time that it will take our social worker to write up our biography that will then be translated into mandarin and sent to the Chinese government for approval of our adoption.
I am anxious to see her report. It will be interesting (maybe hard) to see what someone who got so personal with us will write about our lives and our home and our family.
While we are waiting on our home study paperwork to be completed officially we have LOTS more paperwork to get started on now on our end. We have to now complete our "dossier" (pronounced Da-ce-a) paperwork that will be what is officially translated and sent to these Chinese authorities (CCCWA) for approval and selection of our child. This consists of the following documents:
- Home study (report written by our social worker who spent the last month getting to know our family)
- Reference letters (collected by our agency already)
- Marriage License - certified copy
- Birth certificates for me and Derek - certified copies
- Copy of Deed to our home
- China Medical statement (being completed by our doctor - waiting on blood test results to confirm no HIV, Hep B or other potential disorders/diseases)
- Employment letter
- Local police clearance
- Financial Statement
- Last year's 1040
- Passport copies
- Letter asking to adopt signed by us
- Guardianship letters (we have to appointment someone guardian to our children and they have to accept it in writing)
- CIS Approval Notice (form 1-800a)
I sent in our i-800a for to USCIS (immigration) for approval last week. We now have to wait on our government about 60 days to get back the approval on that form (must have that to send over with our dossier to China for approval). While we wait we will be busy getting all the other paperwork above completed and copied.
The craziest part is that as soon as we get all the documents completed they must all be notarized and then I have to take them to the Clerk of Courts in the county the notary was sworn in and have them certify that the notary is still in good standing with the county office - that has to be done 2x on each document as every piece has to have a copy also done. After that step we then have to FedEx all those docs to the Secretary of State who will certify them all and then they can be translated and sent to CCCWA - whew!!! Can you imagine if everyone had to go through this when deciding to have biological children???
Okay, so moral of the story is that I need to find out which one of my wonderful friends is a notary! Need to get working on figuring that one out :)
So that brings me to my title point - our doctor's appointments Thursday morning. Derek and I made our appointments to get all our blood tests and other physical examinations done. I was kind of excited to get word that Derek and I are still perfectly healthy - it's been at least a year since our last exams- but Derek was just thinking about the needles! For those of you that know Derek it is no secret that he is terrified of needles....and I mean TERRIFIED! The last time he had blood drawn we had to use smelling salts to get him back up off the table. I am not making fun of him, but it is kind of amusing. I know that the human race would have died out years ago if men were in charge of having babies so I know Derek is not alone in this ;)
"Your nurturing instincts will expand to include many people." - inside my fortune cookie that we received with our take out meal ;)
Thursday, October 20, 2011
"Pick me, pick me."
Let me start by saying that this post may be a long one! I just feel like I have so much to say and it is all spilling over. I haven't much spare time to blog, but I always have things I want to say (imagine that!;) so I guess I will get out all that I can so I can start filling back up for next time......
What an amazing last couple of weeks it has been! If this process does nothing else (other than give you cramps in your hand from filling out paperwork ;) it certainly awakens emotions in you that you may have only rarely seen or even never seen before at all.
The most prominent emotion for me to this point has been the overwhelming sense of helplessness - not something I do well with. I am a leader and I like to be in control so when I lose that control it can be difficult for me to sit back and let other call the shots. I have begun to realize in recent years though, that when I actually think I am "in control" I am only really kidding myself. God is the only one truly in control and the sooner I yield myself to that truth the better every situation works out for me!
When I was younger and felt that sense (through my parents divorce, etc) and acted out in all sorts of ways to ease the effects. As I got older and realized my methods weren't productive I began to recoil more in "helpless" situations. I wouldn't say it is as extreme as burying my head in the sand, but definitely going about life like nothing is wrong - ignoring the situation really. I guess that was how I learned to cope in extreme situations or extreme disappointments. I think it probably had an adverse effect as anger turned to bitterness and kept me in that pit and darkness even though on the outside things seemed mostly fine. As an adult and after rededicating my life to Christ I have been learning to lean into Him and rely more on prayer than on my own ability to "fix" a situation. God is certainly using this experience to build up my faith and trust in Him. I am not sure how people make it through this without God and prayer - prayer in your private moments to the Lord and from other believers who stand with you in prayer. I know that this process will get more difficult before it is over and I will do much more "leaning" on God and people than I will do burying my head - amazing how God can give us the strength to truly do all things!
In an attempt to understand more about China as a country and the people who make up that vast space on the other side of the world, I have been reading just about a book a week for the last month or so. Many of the stories and situations I read about are disturbing to say the least. While I have truly fallen in love with the women and children of China and the custom and traditions handed down over the generations , my heart absolutely breaks for the hardships and complete disregard for even their basic human rights they must deal with. Infanticide, abandonment, child slavery, prostitution, verbal, emotional, mental and physical abuse they endure that most of us have dared not even ever imagine.
I have read numerous stories straight from the women who lived them. The women who were forced to abandon their little girls in order to save them from death at the hands of a husband and family who wanted a son (w/ China's one child policy and men only being allowed to own land and carrying on the families name many families will try over and over until they have a son). As bazaar as it sounds the ones who end up in the orphanages - underfed and largely ignored due to the numbers of children and lack of women to care for them - are actually considered the "lucky ones". For the most part the women that work in these institutions truly care of the babies and want to help them, but the sheer number makes it impossible to save them all. I can't imagine how it would truly make someone feel to be in those places every day tending to the never ending stream of orphans desperately needing your care. How their hearts must break! I imagine that perhaps many of them once had to give up a daughter - or several daughters. Maybe giving their time and love to these innocent and desperate little souls helps to ease the pain of their pasts? The memories of their very own lost daughters that haunt them?
Through their stories I have learned many of the brutal truths of what is like to be a woman in China. How centuries old traditions and beliefs still govern many of the towns and provinces regardless of what communists rule would dictate - albeit not much better. And first hand through my dear friend who was born and raised in China and now lives married and happy in American for nearly 2 years now. She has a very similar story to the ones that I have read from these unknown mothers and daughters in China. A heartbreaking story of her own childhood and the terror that her own mother endured when taken from her own home in the middle of the night to abort the 3rd child she was carrying and didn't secure permission from the government to have.
Just some quick facts for all of you reading so you may be able to understand the magnitude of what I am speaking about:
In 1988 the "one son or two child" policy was enacted. Meaning if you first child was a girl you could try again for a son, but after 2 girls you were not allowed any further attempts. Couple these facts with laws forbidding parents to give up there children for adoption and it becomes clear why women are forced by husbands and families wanting a son to abandon their daughters...or worse. By a natural law there would be roughly the same amount of girls living in any society as boys, but in China in a 1997 report showed that 12% of the populations girls are missing. That translates to about 1.7 million "missing" girls every year! Broad estimates state that China is missing nearly 30 million girls from society in 1997- that is equivalent to the entire population of Mexico City. Today those numbers are estimated to be closer to 70 million "missing" girls from the population. Staggering.....
As I read the stories from the books such as, "Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother", "The Good Women of China", "Silent Tears", "The Lost Daughters of China", Falling Leaves" and "The Strength of Mercy", I am reminded of how important knowledge of this darkness is. Without the knowledge we aren't aware of where our help is needed. As a Christian I feel a great sense of responsibility to pray for the women and children of China. To reach out with whatever resources I can. And of course, not just for the people of China, but for all hurting and suffering souls in this world - many of them right in our own backyard. I do believe that God has directed my sights to be set on China (just as He has put emphasis on other areas or countries for others who would follow His direction for their life). I have just poured myself into this process and have felt God literally holding my hand and guiding my steps the entire way. It is unlike anything I have ever done before in my life. Perhaps I was always just too wrapped up in the worldly things and what I could get out of life (most days I feel like I still am), but lately I have felt the desire to reach beyond myself much stronger. The drive to pass up the things that once filled my life that I know will not bless someone else or glorify God. Maybe God is using this experience to lead me "out of the wilderness" and show me how much bigger His plan is for my life if I will just believe that He is in control, He loves me and He can do amazing things with my life if I will follow the path he lays before me (not always been such an easy thing for me to say or see typed out in black and white).
Anyway, I could write on and on about the miracles God has performed and continues to perform in my life, but perhaps I should incorporate that into another post in the future. I do want to share with you some things that specifically pertain to the ongoing adoption process that we continue to muddle through.
This past week we met with a psychotherapist who in an expert in adoption and has worked with children and families of adoption for the past 30 years. She was incredibly knowledgeable and gave us a condensed version of her lifetime of knowledge in the hour time frame we had with her! Prior to our meeting with her, Derek and I had decided that we would open our hearts and home to a little girl from China ranging in age from 1-3 years old. In addition to that we have decided to adopt off the "Waiting Child Program" (also referred to as "special needs"). The latter in China is quite different from what would typically be consider as such in American. Many of the babies and children on this list have very correctable and minor issues that is just not able to be addressed while they are in China due to the lack of funds and time to spend on the orphans by the government.
After our informative meeting with the doctor I was beginning to feel like God had been directing me toward a younger age group than I had originally intended. During the last couple of weeks I had felt that direction from God during my private prayer time. I had noticed certain "signs" that I felt were also directing me toward the younger children including numerous conversations with friends that kept asking why we wouldn't just want to have one more baby - and my first ever baby girl?
Derek and talked about that meeting with the doctor for 45 minutes in the car outside the office before moving on with our day. We both felt that our little girl was actually a "baby" girl. Even though we had many reasons for believing our daughter should and would be more toddler aged up until this point. Only God knows who our daughter is. He has created her and has a purpose for her and a big step in that process is for her to be brought to the waiting arms of the family she is destined to belong to - our family. Derek, the boys and I pray every day for our daughter and their little sister. Praying peace and protection over her wherever she may be. I have begun to realize that if we take the age limitations off our adoption application then it becomes very possible that she isn't even born yet. God knows her even now and her knows who will carry her and give her life. He knows that the one that carries her in her womb for 9 months will not be able to keep her, but will deliver her safely to a place so that she will be united with us. I wish that I could somehow let the mother whose heart will surely break when she gives up her baby girl, that God has big plans for her. That her ability to love this baby enough to see to it that her fate is not the fate of so many other tiny newborn baby girls is not in vain. That was she has done will have a profound impact on the world in ways that none of us involved can begin to suppose. I hope that some day I am able to adequately express to our little girl what a miracle she truly is and how loved she is. Loved by the mother that will certainly sacrifice for her and by our family who will cherish the God given gift that she is to. And certainly not least of all, how loved she is by the God of all creation.
Let me wrap up by bringing us back to the beginning and title of this post. My mother in law, Jeannie, sent me an email yesterday and told me that during her bible study time the other night she came across this text (in red as it was spoken by Jesus):
"Beware that you don't look down upon a single one of these little children. For I tell you that in heaven their angels have constant access to my Father. And I, the Messiah, came to save the lost."
I can not even type this without tears as it is such a beautiful statement that my precious mother in law made next........ She wrote, "Jean Little interpretation: Your little girl has her own guardian angel who has constant access to the Father saying on her behalf for you: 'Pick me, pick me.' "
Blessed,
Jessy
"For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.
Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?'
And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'"
(Matthew 25.35-40 ESV)
What an amazing last couple of weeks it has been! If this process does nothing else (other than give you cramps in your hand from filling out paperwork ;) it certainly awakens emotions in you that you may have only rarely seen or even never seen before at all.
The most prominent emotion for me to this point has been the overwhelming sense of helplessness - not something I do well with. I am a leader and I like to be in control so when I lose that control it can be difficult for me to sit back and let other call the shots. I have begun to realize in recent years though, that when I actually think I am "in control" I am only really kidding myself. God is the only one truly in control and the sooner I yield myself to that truth the better every situation works out for me!
When I was younger and felt that sense (through my parents divorce, etc) and acted out in all sorts of ways to ease the effects. As I got older and realized my methods weren't productive I began to recoil more in "helpless" situations. I wouldn't say it is as extreme as burying my head in the sand, but definitely going about life like nothing is wrong - ignoring the situation really. I guess that was how I learned to cope in extreme situations or extreme disappointments. I think it probably had an adverse effect as anger turned to bitterness and kept me in that pit and darkness even though on the outside things seemed mostly fine. As an adult and after rededicating my life to Christ I have been learning to lean into Him and rely more on prayer than on my own ability to "fix" a situation. God is certainly using this experience to build up my faith and trust in Him. I am not sure how people make it through this without God and prayer - prayer in your private moments to the Lord and from other believers who stand with you in prayer. I know that this process will get more difficult before it is over and I will do much more "leaning" on God and people than I will do burying my head - amazing how God can give us the strength to truly do all things!
In an attempt to understand more about China as a country and the people who make up that vast space on the other side of the world, I have been reading just about a book a week for the last month or so. Many of the stories and situations I read about are disturbing to say the least. While I have truly fallen in love with the women and children of China and the custom and traditions handed down over the generations , my heart absolutely breaks for the hardships and complete disregard for even their basic human rights they must deal with. Infanticide, abandonment, child slavery, prostitution, verbal, emotional, mental and physical abuse they endure that most of us have dared not even ever imagine.
I have read numerous stories straight from the women who lived them. The women who were forced to abandon their little girls in order to save them from death at the hands of a husband and family who wanted a son (w/ China's one child policy and men only being allowed to own land and carrying on the families name many families will try over and over until they have a son). As bazaar as it sounds the ones who end up in the orphanages - underfed and largely ignored due to the numbers of children and lack of women to care for them - are actually considered the "lucky ones". For the most part the women that work in these institutions truly care of the babies and want to help them, but the sheer number makes it impossible to save them all. I can't imagine how it would truly make someone feel to be in those places every day tending to the never ending stream of orphans desperately needing your care. How their hearts must break! I imagine that perhaps many of them once had to give up a daughter - or several daughters. Maybe giving their time and love to these innocent and desperate little souls helps to ease the pain of their pasts? The memories of their very own lost daughters that haunt them?
Through their stories I have learned many of the brutal truths of what is like to be a woman in China. How centuries old traditions and beliefs still govern many of the towns and provinces regardless of what communists rule would dictate - albeit not much better. And first hand through my dear friend who was born and raised in China and now lives married and happy in American for nearly 2 years now. She has a very similar story to the ones that I have read from these unknown mothers and daughters in China. A heartbreaking story of her own childhood and the terror that her own mother endured when taken from her own home in the middle of the night to abort the 3rd child she was carrying and didn't secure permission from the government to have.
Just some quick facts for all of you reading so you may be able to understand the magnitude of what I am speaking about:
In 1988 the "one son or two child" policy was enacted. Meaning if you first child was a girl you could try again for a son, but after 2 girls you were not allowed any further attempts. Couple these facts with laws forbidding parents to give up there children for adoption and it becomes clear why women are forced by husbands and families wanting a son to abandon their daughters...or worse. By a natural law there would be roughly the same amount of girls living in any society as boys, but in China in a 1997 report showed that 12% of the populations girls are missing. That translates to about 1.7 million "missing" girls every year! Broad estimates state that China is missing nearly 30 million girls from society in 1997- that is equivalent to the entire population of Mexico City. Today those numbers are estimated to be closer to 70 million "missing" girls from the population. Staggering.....
As I read the stories from the books such as, "Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother", "The Good Women of China", "Silent Tears", "The Lost Daughters of China", Falling Leaves" and "The Strength of Mercy", I am reminded of how important knowledge of this darkness is. Without the knowledge we aren't aware of where our help is needed. As a Christian I feel a great sense of responsibility to pray for the women and children of China. To reach out with whatever resources I can. And of course, not just for the people of China, but for all hurting and suffering souls in this world - many of them right in our own backyard. I do believe that God has directed my sights to be set on China (just as He has put emphasis on other areas or countries for others who would follow His direction for their life). I have just poured myself into this process and have felt God literally holding my hand and guiding my steps the entire way. It is unlike anything I have ever done before in my life. Perhaps I was always just too wrapped up in the worldly things and what I could get out of life (most days I feel like I still am), but lately I have felt the desire to reach beyond myself much stronger. The drive to pass up the things that once filled my life that I know will not bless someone else or glorify God. Maybe God is using this experience to lead me "out of the wilderness" and show me how much bigger His plan is for my life if I will just believe that He is in control, He loves me and He can do amazing things with my life if I will follow the path he lays before me (not always been such an easy thing for me to say or see typed out in black and white).
Anyway, I could write on and on about the miracles God has performed and continues to perform in my life, but perhaps I should incorporate that into another post in the future. I do want to share with you some things that specifically pertain to the ongoing adoption process that we continue to muddle through.
This past week we met with a psychotherapist who in an expert in adoption and has worked with children and families of adoption for the past 30 years. She was incredibly knowledgeable and gave us a condensed version of her lifetime of knowledge in the hour time frame we had with her! Prior to our meeting with her, Derek and I had decided that we would open our hearts and home to a little girl from China ranging in age from 1-3 years old. In addition to that we have decided to adopt off the "Waiting Child Program" (also referred to as "special needs"). The latter in China is quite different from what would typically be consider as such in American. Many of the babies and children on this list have very correctable and minor issues that is just not able to be addressed while they are in China due to the lack of funds and time to spend on the orphans by the government.
After our informative meeting with the doctor I was beginning to feel like God had been directing me toward a younger age group than I had originally intended. During the last couple of weeks I had felt that direction from God during my private prayer time. I had noticed certain "signs" that I felt were also directing me toward the younger children including numerous conversations with friends that kept asking why we wouldn't just want to have one more baby - and my first ever baby girl?
Derek and talked about that meeting with the doctor for 45 minutes in the car outside the office before moving on with our day. We both felt that our little girl was actually a "baby" girl. Even though we had many reasons for believing our daughter should and would be more toddler aged up until this point. Only God knows who our daughter is. He has created her and has a purpose for her and a big step in that process is for her to be brought to the waiting arms of the family she is destined to belong to - our family. Derek, the boys and I pray every day for our daughter and their little sister. Praying peace and protection over her wherever she may be. I have begun to realize that if we take the age limitations off our adoption application then it becomes very possible that she isn't even born yet. God knows her even now and her knows who will carry her and give her life. He knows that the one that carries her in her womb for 9 months will not be able to keep her, but will deliver her safely to a place so that she will be united with us. I wish that I could somehow let the mother whose heart will surely break when she gives up her baby girl, that God has big plans for her. That her ability to love this baby enough to see to it that her fate is not the fate of so many other tiny newborn baby girls is not in vain. That was she has done will have a profound impact on the world in ways that none of us involved can begin to suppose. I hope that some day I am able to adequately express to our little girl what a miracle she truly is and how loved she is. Loved by the mother that will certainly sacrifice for her and by our family who will cherish the God given gift that she is to. And certainly not least of all, how loved she is by the God of all creation.
Let me wrap up by bringing us back to the beginning and title of this post. My mother in law, Jeannie, sent me an email yesterday and told me that during her bible study time the other night she came across this text (in red as it was spoken by Jesus):
"Beware that you don't look down upon a single one of these little children. For I tell you that in heaven their angels have constant access to my Father. And I, the Messiah, came to save the lost."
I can not even type this without tears as it is such a beautiful statement that my precious mother in law made next........ She wrote, "Jean Little interpretation: Your little girl has her own guardian angel who has constant access to the Father saying on her behalf for you: 'Pick me, pick me.' "
Blessed,
Jessy
"For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.
Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?'
And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'"
(Matthew 25.35-40 ESV)
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Incredible journey continues.....
This has been an incredibly busy couple of weeks. We are getting so much done to move toward the adoption of our little girl, though! We have completed more stacks of paperwork (I estimate that I have filled out and mailed in about 100 documents already!), made more copies of official documents, sent in more fees and have been meeting with our social worker to complete our home study process....whew!
We were introduced to our social worker this past week who will conduct the 4 in home interviews with us and the boys so that she can write up her report and recommend us for adoption. She is a nice girl - easy to talk to and friendly. It helps that she is warm with all the personal and sometimes painful questions she asks. Makes it easier to speak with her candidly. We meet with her tomorrow morning for our third meeting and her first one on one time with the boys. I am really excited for her to get to know them and see what great kids they are!
I spoke with Children's Hospital today and their International Adoption Clinic to set up an appointment to speak with their specialist, Dr. Mary Staat, about what to look for and how to understand medical care and conditions of the children being offered for adoption in Chinese orphanages. We will have a consultation with her next week.
Last week I ordered and received several books about China, Chinese adoption and orphanges. I have finished two already....Fallen Leaves and Silent Tears. Both excellent books and I feel so much more determination and resolve. I know without a doubt that this is my calling and God has given me such a deep desire to bring one of these gorgeous deserving children home to join our family!
I also met an incredible young woman who was an "unwanted daughter" from China and has an amazing story of abuse, heartache, loss, determination and hope. While her story is heartbreaking to listen to, it is the story of many girls from China - the lucky ones that are able to grow up. God is blessing this journey so much that it would be impossible to deny His involvement in the process. The words of confirmation, the "chance" meetings. etc that keep pointing us this only one direction!
This process is not easy, but so few things in this life worth doing ever are. God never promised any easy road when we follolw His lead...only that He would never leave us. I praise Him for that!
"When you focus on being a blessing, God makes sure that you are always blessed in abundance."- Joel Osteen
We were introduced to our social worker this past week who will conduct the 4 in home interviews with us and the boys so that she can write up her report and recommend us for adoption. She is a nice girl - easy to talk to and friendly. It helps that she is warm with all the personal and sometimes painful questions she asks. Makes it easier to speak with her candidly. We meet with her tomorrow morning for our third meeting and her first one on one time with the boys. I am really excited for her to get to know them and see what great kids they are!
I spoke with Children's Hospital today and their International Adoption Clinic to set up an appointment to speak with their specialist, Dr. Mary Staat, about what to look for and how to understand medical care and conditions of the children being offered for adoption in Chinese orphanages. We will have a consultation with her next week.
Last week I ordered and received several books about China, Chinese adoption and orphanges. I have finished two already....Fallen Leaves and Silent Tears. Both excellent books and I feel so much more determination and resolve. I know without a doubt that this is my calling and God has given me such a deep desire to bring one of these gorgeous deserving children home to join our family!
I also met an incredible young woman who was an "unwanted daughter" from China and has an amazing story of abuse, heartache, loss, determination and hope. While her story is heartbreaking to listen to, it is the story of many girls from China - the lucky ones that are able to grow up. God is blessing this journey so much that it would be impossible to deny His involvement in the process. The words of confirmation, the "chance" meetings. etc that keep pointing us this only one direction!
This process is not easy, but so few things in this life worth doing ever are. God never promised any easy road when we follolw His lead...only that He would never leave us. I praise Him for that!
"When you focus on being a blessing, God makes sure that you are always blessed in abundance."- Joel Osteen
Thursday, September 15, 2011
We are finished with our home study paperwork!!!
Today is a BIG day......we are almost exactly 4 weeks from the date we started the homestudy paperwork process and we have it all completed! That is the quickest amount of time they tell you it could take - yay us! ;)
This past week we completed our 12hrs of adoption class work, our auto-biographies and our fire inspection was this morning (we passed!!). I am mailing the finshed packet first thing tomorrow morning and then we will wait for our homestudy interviews to start....whew!
We have started collecting things for our little girl. We don't know how old she will be exactly, but figure that she can grow into things as long as we stick with the 18month and up clothing. Typically, the little girls from China are still in 18month to 2t clothing even at 3 years old. She is going to be a peanut! :)
The boys love going to yardsales on the weekends after morning soccer games and they are always pointing out things that they think their "little sister" will like. They have found her a Barbie car, a Barbie and a Skipper, a super cute spring jacket, Dora hat and mittens and several cute dresses. I have been blessed by my girlfriend, Chrissy, passing along several outfits that her 2 girls have out grown. Since we set her room up a couple of weeks ago we have just been filling her closet with anything we pick up for her. Having never needed anything "girly" before, we have a LONG way to go and lots of things to collect! Good think I like to shop :)
"We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life.
But those who make their journey home across time & miles,
growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,
are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us
by God's very own hands."
--- Kristi Larson
This past week we completed our 12hrs of adoption class work, our auto-biographies and our fire inspection was this morning (we passed!!). I am mailing the finshed packet first thing tomorrow morning and then we will wait for our homestudy interviews to start....whew!
We have started collecting things for our little girl. We don't know how old she will be exactly, but figure that she can grow into things as long as we stick with the 18month and up clothing. Typically, the little girls from China are still in 18month to 2t clothing even at 3 years old. She is going to be a peanut! :)
The boys love going to yardsales on the weekends after morning soccer games and they are always pointing out things that they think their "little sister" will like. They have found her a Barbie car, a Barbie and a Skipper, a super cute spring jacket, Dora hat and mittens and several cute dresses. I have been blessed by my girlfriend, Chrissy, passing along several outfits that her 2 girls have out grown. Since we set her room up a couple of weeks ago we have just been filling her closet with anything we pick up for her. Having never needed anything "girly" before, we have a LONG way to go and lots of things to collect! Good think I like to shop :)
"We witness a miracle every time a child enters into life.
But those who make their journey home across time & miles,
growing within the hearts of those who wait to love them,
are carried on the wings of destiny and placed among us
by God's very own hands."
--- Kristi Larson
Monday, September 5, 2011
The big move....
What an incredible weekend with giant steps in the right direction this has been! Saturday we took our Pediatric/Adult CPR and First Aid class as required and got our certification. It was a 3 hour class and went by really fast. I had to joke with Derek that he was the "star student" ...always asking the good questions and volunteering to demonstrate things for the instructor. Helped the class go by faster since I really like watching him - LOL :) Thanks so much to Carmen Hortenberry who watched the boys for us so we could go do this. What a treasure the Hortenberry family is to us!
After church on Sunday we decided to tackle moving the rooms around at the house so we can get "our little sister's room" (as the boys say) ready before the home study. This is somewhat tricky for us now since we have a truly 3 bedroom ranch home and will have 4 children! Max and Parker don't want their own bedrooms and insist on sharing one so that is a huge help, but still leaves us one bedroom short. Since we work from home we had our home office set up in the finished lower level. It was the room I call "the cave". It's in the very back of the lower level, next to the bathroom, with a window and lots of space, but with the 2 very large commercial sized office desks in there it felt very cave like.
After lots of brainstorming on what configuration would work best for the bedroom layouts we decided to move the office out of the cave and up to the main floor where our library/formal living room is currently. It is a huge (nearly empty) room in the front of the house with 3 very large floor to ceiling windows that look out to the front and a big cathedral ceiling. It is a beautiful room that is not ever used by us and would make such a bright and nice space for us to work day to day. Being centrally located on the main level of the home is so nice for so many reasons, too!
Great...one room down now what to do with the others? Well, lucky for us, Tanner, begged to move downstairs. Originally asking for the playroom - a smaller room downstairs with no window. I wasn't sure that I wanted him in a room with no window for light, exit or ventilation, but now with the office going upstairs that room looked like a great opportunity for him. We all discussed it and the decision was made.....Tanner would have his room and his own bathroom downstairs where our old office was located. As the now big 10 year old in the family he couldn't be happier to have his own space free of little brother's intrusions!
Tanner's bedroom upstairs is a very nice room with a 2 story ceiling, large windows and nice double closet....we all think it would be a perfect fit for a princess :)
Now with a plan in hand we only had to move all of the very heavy furniture up and down the stairs and into the new locations. No problem......LOL!
We got right to work after getting home from church and had the office set up with a couple of hours (man that was hard work!). Derek's mom, Jeannie, and her friend, Cliff, came over to help a little later in the afternoon and with them we got Tanner's room moved downstairs. Jeannie helped Tanner organize his things and Cliff was a huge help in getting the large furniture downstairs (we mostly scooted it on movers and blankets :) To reward ourselves for all the hard work, we all took off to get some late dinner at Frisch's and then home in time to watch the WEBN fireworks on the big screen with Grandma Jeannie and Cliff. What a great end to the night!
The office looks great and Tanner is so happy with his new room. He was beaming this morning as he came bouncing up the stairs to tell us how happy he was with his new room and how great he and Tuscan (our standard poodle) slept down there. Now this morning we have been working on getting our little girl's room put together. We do not have any bedding, and clothing, etc, but we do have a great twin sized pine trundle day bed that I have held onto for a few years "just in case". It is such a great little bed and will perfect in her room!
My mother in law had asked if we were going to paint her room. While I don’t' really like the white walls, I don't have any idea what color I would paint the walls so white it will be for now. I LOVE pink and all the "girlie" colors, prints, fabrics and things but have really no idea how to implement those things yet. I am well trained in primary colors, legos, star wars and comic book heroes, but will have to ease into the girl things, I think......and I will do so happily ;)
So as we wrap up the rearranging on this Labor Day weekend we are one HUGE step closer to being ready for our little girl and the princess of this castle!
"Adoption is when a child grew in its mommy's heart instead of her tummy." ~Author Unknown
After church on Sunday we decided to tackle moving the rooms around at the house so we can get "our little sister's room" (as the boys say) ready before the home study. This is somewhat tricky for us now since we have a truly 3 bedroom ranch home and will have 4 children! Max and Parker don't want their own bedrooms and insist on sharing one so that is a huge help, but still leaves us one bedroom short. Since we work from home we had our home office set up in the finished lower level. It was the room I call "the cave". It's in the very back of the lower level, next to the bathroom, with a window and lots of space, but with the 2 very large commercial sized office desks in there it felt very cave like.
After lots of brainstorming on what configuration would work best for the bedroom layouts we decided to move the office out of the cave and up to the main floor where our library/formal living room is currently. It is a huge (nearly empty) room in the front of the house with 3 very large floor to ceiling windows that look out to the front and a big cathedral ceiling. It is a beautiful room that is not ever used by us and would make such a bright and nice space for us to work day to day. Being centrally located on the main level of the home is so nice for so many reasons, too!
Great...one room down now what to do with the others? Well, lucky for us, Tanner, begged to move downstairs. Originally asking for the playroom - a smaller room downstairs with no window. I wasn't sure that I wanted him in a room with no window for light, exit or ventilation, but now with the office going upstairs that room looked like a great opportunity for him. We all discussed it and the decision was made.....Tanner would have his room and his own bathroom downstairs where our old office was located. As the now big 10 year old in the family he couldn't be happier to have his own space free of little brother's intrusions!
Tanner's bedroom upstairs is a very nice room with a 2 story ceiling, large windows and nice double closet....we all think it would be a perfect fit for a princess :)
Now with a plan in hand we only had to move all of the very heavy furniture up and down the stairs and into the new locations. No problem......LOL!
We got right to work after getting home from church and had the office set up with a couple of hours (man that was hard work!). Derek's mom, Jeannie, and her friend, Cliff, came over to help a little later in the afternoon and with them we got Tanner's room moved downstairs. Jeannie helped Tanner organize his things and Cliff was a huge help in getting the large furniture downstairs (we mostly scooted it on movers and blankets :) To reward ourselves for all the hard work, we all took off to get some late dinner at Frisch's and then home in time to watch the WEBN fireworks on the big screen with Grandma Jeannie and Cliff. What a great end to the night!
The office looks great and Tanner is so happy with his new room. He was beaming this morning as he came bouncing up the stairs to tell us how happy he was with his new room and how great he and Tuscan (our standard poodle) slept down there. Now this morning we have been working on getting our little girl's room put together. We do not have any bedding, and clothing, etc, but we do have a great twin sized pine trundle day bed that I have held onto for a few years "just in case". It is such a great little bed and will perfect in her room!
My mother in law had asked if we were going to paint her room. While I don’t' really like the white walls, I don't have any idea what color I would paint the walls so white it will be for now. I LOVE pink and all the "girlie" colors, prints, fabrics and things but have really no idea how to implement those things yet. I am well trained in primary colors, legos, star wars and comic book heroes, but will have to ease into the girl things, I think......and I will do so happily ;)
So as we wrap up the rearranging on this Labor Day weekend we are one HUGE step closer to being ready for our little girl and the princess of this castle!
"Adoption is when a child grew in its mommy's heart instead of her tummy." ~Author Unknown
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
The "To Dos"......
I look over the list of things "to do" for our Home Study process from the agency about 50 times a day I think! Always checking and doubling checking the things that I must complete before we can move forward. Many of them are things that require me to wait on goverment agencies or other people - boy is that not easy for me to do!! ;)
Today our passports came in the mail - woohoo! We were told they could take up to 8 weeks and they took less than 3! It is surreal to look at this book and imagine that Derek and I will have stamps from Japan and China in there by this time next year. The only out of country trips Derek and I have ever taken have been to Canada and Mexico - neither did we need a passport for. I guess with every piece of documentation that comes things seem more "real".....still most of the time I feel like this is just a dream.
Yesterday I mailed out about a dozen forms and authorizations to EAC so they could start working on background checks, driving reocrds, child abuse clearances, FBI clearances, etc. I also signed us up for a pediatric CPR class with the American Red Cross for Saturday afternoon. We also have to taken 12 hrs of parenting/adoption classes before we can move forward. Kind of funny if you think about it. You don't have to take any classes to become parents on your own....hmmm, maybe something that should be considered, though! ;)
This afternoon I also received a certified copy of my birth certificate. I had to order an additional one because I had sent in my original to get my passport and had to go today to get a new driver license (misplaced mine on vacation it seems :( Any way, a driver's license is necessary to get fingerprinting done apparently so that is what I will be working on tomorrow!
I also received copies of letters from two people that EAC contacted to get references for Derek and me. I didn't expect that we would even know who all they contacted to get reference letters, let alone be given the opportunity to read what they had written. Words can't even describe how it felt to read those letters (both with tears streaming down my cheeks). To think that there is anyone out there that would have so many incredible things to say about us, let alone 2! Reminds me of an excercise that we did in the small group Derek and I attend. Each person in the group (about 10 of us) was given a piece of paper and asked to write down several positive things about each individual in the group. Afterwards we were each given the list of things (about 30-40 things) that the others thought described us. I hung that list in my bathroom (on the opposite side of the medicine cabinet mirror) to help remind myself that no matter how I may view myself in negative ways that is not always how others see me. We are so much harder on ourselves than others typically are. It is such a powerful way to change your mind set and keep your spirits lifted every day!
We have also started doing something similar with our boys at the dinner table. We will go around the table and ask each one to tell us at least one thing that they love about each of their brothers and us. We also take a turn going around the table telling each of the boys what we love about them. it is so interesting to see how they light up and how their attitude changes after hearing all the positive thoughts about them.
Try it at your house sometime if you don't already :)
"We come to God in less than perfect condition, scarred and hurt by the action and choices of others. We carry an orphan's broken heart. God chooses us and offers us a place in His royal family." ~Jan Beazely
Today our passports came in the mail - woohoo! We were told they could take up to 8 weeks and they took less than 3! It is surreal to look at this book and imagine that Derek and I will have stamps from Japan and China in there by this time next year. The only out of country trips Derek and I have ever taken have been to Canada and Mexico - neither did we need a passport for. I guess with every piece of documentation that comes things seem more "real".....still most of the time I feel like this is just a dream.
Yesterday I mailed out about a dozen forms and authorizations to EAC so they could start working on background checks, driving reocrds, child abuse clearances, FBI clearances, etc. I also signed us up for a pediatric CPR class with the American Red Cross for Saturday afternoon. We also have to taken 12 hrs of parenting/adoption classes before we can move forward. Kind of funny if you think about it. You don't have to take any classes to become parents on your own....hmmm, maybe something that should be considered, though! ;)
This afternoon I also received a certified copy of my birth certificate. I had to order an additional one because I had sent in my original to get my passport and had to go today to get a new driver license (misplaced mine on vacation it seems :( Any way, a driver's license is necessary to get fingerprinting done apparently so that is what I will be working on tomorrow!
I also received copies of letters from two people that EAC contacted to get references for Derek and me. I didn't expect that we would even know who all they contacted to get reference letters, let alone be given the opportunity to read what they had written. Words can't even describe how it felt to read those letters (both with tears streaming down my cheeks). To think that there is anyone out there that would have so many incredible things to say about us, let alone 2! Reminds me of an excercise that we did in the small group Derek and I attend. Each person in the group (about 10 of us) was given a piece of paper and asked to write down several positive things about each individual in the group. Afterwards we were each given the list of things (about 30-40 things) that the others thought described us. I hung that list in my bathroom (on the opposite side of the medicine cabinet mirror) to help remind myself that no matter how I may view myself in negative ways that is not always how others see me. We are so much harder on ourselves than others typically are. It is such a powerful way to change your mind set and keep your spirits lifted every day!
We have also started doing something similar with our boys at the dinner table. We will go around the table and ask each one to tell us at least one thing that they love about each of their brothers and us. We also take a turn going around the table telling each of the boys what we love about them. it is so interesting to see how they light up and how their attitude changes after hearing all the positive thoughts about them.
Try it at your house sometime if you don't already :)
"We come to God in less than perfect condition, scarred and hurt by the action and choices of others. We carry an orphan's broken heart. God chooses us and offers us a place in His royal family." ~Jan Beazely
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
So here we go!
Wow. I am not really sure where to start with our adoption journey story. The "beginning" sounds easy enough, but where was the beginning really? I feel like this is something that God has been preparing me for my entire life. Through all the heartaches and hardships, all the miracles and rejoicing, the people I have met, the places I have lived and even the tiniest details I remember from my childhood. I feel like it is all pointing to this - Our Adoption Journey!
Derek and I began discussing adoption in our teens when we were dating. Attending the same church and youth group we were presented with outreach opportunities to other countries and orphans. We discussed the realities of adoption and how maybe we would adopt when we got married (yes, we KNEW we would be married even when we were only 16 and 18 years old!). Probably never very mature talks about adoption like we have today, but the seeds was there and we were both willing! Fast forward 18 years and we are married with three biological children....all boys;
Throughout the years our talk of adoption was never absent. Mainly fueled by me and my deep feelings that God had a plan for me that involved adoption. Of course, once I started having children with Derek I assumed that my role would involve some how working with or assisting others in adoption. I had always considered adoption was something that you did if you couldn't have biological children. I was so ignorant to the other side of adoption. So through the years I have gone from listening to and indulging that still small voice inside to ignoring it and going on with my very busy, very happy and very fulfilling life. Pursuing the things that I thought were what I wanted and my husband wanted to pursue. We continued to pour our hearts and time and energy into serving children through our church, community outreaches, etc, but were content enough with our family and left it at that. After all, I thought, God had given us babies and that should be all we desired....right?
When my youngest son was about 3 years old I told Derek that I really felt God had been speaking to me again about adoption. I knew we couldn't have any more babies and had been reading about how many orphans and abused children even right here in our neighborhoods that world that may never know what it is like to have a family - a mom & dad, brothers & sisters, cousins, grandparents. My heart broke for them and I felt certain we were supposed to explore that further. After some discussion I contacted the county and signed us up for the necessary classes to become certified through the Foster to Adopt program. We both took all the classes, filled mountains of paperwork and then did NOTHING! It felt like God had put the brakes on. My desire to do it was gone. I was worried about the potential complications of bringing in foster children to adopt that were from abusive homes. How that might affect the boys and our family overall. I was beginning to feel overwhelmed with all the personal and business struggles we were beginning to have then and I just knew that the timing was all wrong. Mix that in with my growing doubt and the feeling that God was no longer in this and we literally closed that book.
Here we are 2 years later; again I began to feel so strongly that God was speaking to me about adoption. This time I thought maybe I should go a little slower since the last time I thought I heard Him it all fell apart. I began praying about it, talking with Derek about what he thought (he was somewhat resistant at that time) and then praying some more. I started doing research on the internet about international adoption and sharing what I found with Derek. We began reading about the different adoption options in different countries. We would watch YouTube videos of families adopting children from all over the world. Now Derek was starting to feel called to do this. We began asking for prayer at church and getting some prophetic words that were very encouraging and confirming. We began to get little signs and confirmations throughout our normal weeks...all that not only pointed to adoption, but to adopting from
We knew that we were not looking for a newborn or an infant. We feel strongly that we are being called to adopt an older child. A child that just because of their age would probably spend the rest of their lives in an orphanage with almost no hope of a family coming along as they grow up. A little girl for our family most likely between the ages of 1-3 years old that will fit perfectly into the birth order and grow up with three strong, loving and doting big brothers to watch out for her!
After signing with and international adoption agency we began the process of getting approved for
We waited and waited and waited! Days turned into weeks and finally on
We are now officially in process of filling out paperwork and working on all our home study documentation. This is such an involved process. It can feel overwhelming at times. It can be daunting as the rest of life's stresses and issues don't just go away so that Derek and I can indulge in the bliss of waiting to become parents again! At times we can feel run down and like maybe we aren't worthy of this. Like there must be much more qualified people out there, better parents with more patience and much better behaved children than we have been able to raise thus far. Something someone may have said to us or about us that was unkind or critical must surely have some merit to it - perhaps they are right and we just really should take another look o remove away from this commission? Little seeds of doubt that if we water could certainly be enough to take us off the path and the journey that we believe God has for us. But just as I may get frustrated or disheartened by a road block I run up against or a stumble we may take, God will give us a reminder of why we are passionate about this. In the way of my son giving me a Lego figure of a Chinese girl (that he just happened to get in his new pack of Legos he just bought right after some doubt about this journey entered my mind!) or us running across the word "China" written in a completely unusual and unsuspected place as Derek and I are discussing the adoption or randomly meeting a new friend who just finished the adoption process from China and has wonderful and encouraging stories for us after someone suggested we may be taking on too much. Even financial blessings and confirmations through our business. Contracts that come in out of the blue and total almost exactly what the next set of fees are that we need to send in. Like God wants us to know that he will provide above and beyond the savings we have set aside for this process just to show us that any fear or doubt is unfounded. When we step out in faith God will meet us more than half way and He will provide over and abundantly what we could have ever dreamed!
I guess that pretty much wraps up how we got started on this amazing journey we are on. I know it is alot to take in...trust me there is so much more I wanted to write, so many details I didn't put in for fear that this would literally turn into a book! I hope that I didn't go overboard with, but was able to express enough so that anyone reading this understands what a journey this has already been. A life long journey, really. Even when we didn't know we were on it through all these years.
God brought our lives together and only needed us to be obedient to carry out His will. I think we have made many missteps along the way, but God is patient and kind and full of grace and has only waited for us to get back on the path and often pointing out the way for us. We are constantly reminded that God never asks anyone to be perfect - only to trust Him and be willing. That we can do! I hope that we are able to hear Him clearly throughout the rest of this journey as He brings us and our daughter together. It is amazing to think that she is probably out there already just waiting for us. Waiting on the family that God has for her. The family whose hearts he has been preparing for her since before we ever felt Him working!
I will do my best to update this blog as we continue through the process, paperwork, meetings, etc. Hopefully, anyone who would like to can keep up with the process as it moves along and perhaps it could be helpful for anyone else considering this process. It is so much easier to understand if you can read step by step how the process is going for someone else.
Thank you to everyone who has and continues to support us on this journey. Your prayers, encouragement and support mean more to us than words can express.
We do plan on using this blog to help build a book for our daughter so she can understand how much we wanted, waited and planned for her. We welcome comments or words of wisdom that you would like to leave here as you read and visit our adoption story. They will all help build her story of how she came to us and why she is and always will be part of the Tye Family! Blessings!
"Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is fatihful."
Hebrews 10:23
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