I know that I have started other blogs the exact same way BUT, it has been a really long time since I have updated the blog and SO much has happened since April! This summer we moved. Within the same neighborhood - actually just 2 streets over from our old house - but a move just the same. We were so excited to be able to stay in our neighborhood which we love so much. We have so many good friends here and just couldn't imagine leaving. We actually had not been looking to move at the time, but God put the perfect house and the perfect situation right in our path so we couldn't pass up the blessing.
The best part about our new home is that it has an extra bedroom and larger bedrooms for our family which is much needed considered we will have 5 children living here shortly! Oh, how we are anxious for our little girl to come home from China. We still do not know who "she" is, but we are secure in knowing that the Lord does and in the perfect timing we will know. It has definitely become more difficult to wait the closer we get to bringing her home. Even though we may not yet have the referral for her, have a picture of her, etc. we know that since we are adopting a little girl that is at least 2 years old (between 2-5 yrs), she is out there and living in an orphanage somewhere in China and in need of her family. I lay in bed many many nights unable to fall asleep as I think about her laying in a stark, possibly hard, cold and comfortless crib by herself. If she is cold, uncomfortable, not feeling well or wakes from a bad dream there may not be anyone available to comfort her or wipe away her tears as she whimpers in the night. I just want so badly to scoop her up and kiss her cheeks and be able to tell her that she will never be without comfort again. I want to be able to tell her that I love her so much and always will. I want to be able to tell her how we prayed for her everyday while we were waiting on her to come home and how I know there were a host of angels watching over her and all the babies around her because we had requested that God keep them posted on watch for her. I KNOW he answers our prayers and I have every reason to believe that this request would be no different - I believe this is a prayer that He would not hesitate to answer. There is nothing more precious to him than orphans...the broken hearted and lonely. Those without a family. He wants all of these children adopted into a family full of love. When we answer that calling He is faithful to step in and watch over all those involved in bringing that precious one home.
So our move made it so that we were required to update our home study. That included an updated child abuse clearance, fire inspection on our new home, financial update, new personal reference and a few other misc. documents.
We sent all the new info in a then get back to the business of waiting. We had anticipated that we would have had a referral (a file on a child that we would then either decide was to be our daughter or not based on the medical and other info contained in her file) by now and it has been hard to be patient. We certainly have plenty to keep us busy, but we are so anxious to bring our other little girl home to join our family. We are excited for Gabby to have a big sister to play with and grow up with as well. At the time we originally set about the task of an international adoption of a little girl we did not even know that Gabrielle would be added to our family. It's amazing now - and frankly we can't imagine it any other way - to think of the two sisters growing up together and we can hardly believe how wonderful we know that reality will be for both girls.
Well, here we are having just celebrated Christmas a few days ago and the fact that we do not have our little "china girl" here with us weighs heavy on my heart. We truly believed that she would be here by the end of the year. I am in constant contact with our agency who has also been anticipating a referral for us any day.
This was a blessed Christmas for our family, however, as we were able to celebrate once again with Gabby's birth mom and her two children. They joined the rest of our family on Christmas Eve...what a blessing it was. I am so happy for Gabby that she can be so surrounded by love!
I want that so much for our little girl from China, too. While we will most likely never know her birth family she will always know what love it took for them to see her safely to an orphanage and eventually a family that would cherish her.
It's hard to believe that just a year ago we still weren't not clear if we were going to continue forward with our Chinese adoption. Having had our file on hold after bringing Gabrielle home in Feb. 2012 it took us a full year to decide if we should still adopt from China. It was during that time that God was working on us and helping us to see clearly that we do indeed have another daughter out there.
I feel that God is really doing something big right now in regards to our little girl. I don't know what it is, but something is happening. I was woken up last night around four in the morning with a desperate need to pray for our daughter in China (who we already refer to as Lily). I knew that I needed to pray protection over her and I also prayed for her comfort and peace. Only today did I learn that Derek also woke up near the same time feeling the same need to pray for Lily. That was God!
If you have been following our adoption journey please take a minute to say a prayer for our family and for Lily. I feel certain that she needs our prayers right now and I know our family certainly does. While we are anxious and want to bring her home as soon as possible, we also know that this is not going to be easy. Bringing her home will mean a big change in our family and the way we do things - right away and then as we move forward in our new "normal". We know God has all the details worked out because we were made for a day such as this - we just need the strength and wisdom to follow His plan and know which steps to take.
Thank you all so much for your continued support!
Scriptures that come to mind as we are in this season:
"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14, NIV)
'O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139)
And one of my personal favorite scriptures: Jeremiah 29:11- "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
God Bless!
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
STUCK
So this post is really not much about my own adoption journey, but it is really about something that I want to make you aware of and hopefully you will make all of your friends aware of.
Last night my husband and I attended a screening of the documentary "STUCK" at the Kenwood Theater in Cincinnati. What an amazing experience! First we had a nice quiet dinner at one of our favorite Jeff Ruby Steakhouses, Carlos & Johnny, before heading to the 7:00pm showing. It was a completely sold out event and we sat in the packed out stadium style theater with about 250 other people who were not sure what to expect from the provocative film about international adoption.
Last night my husband and I attended a screening of the documentary "STUCK" at the Kenwood Theater in Cincinnati. What an amazing experience! First we had a nice quiet dinner at one of our favorite Jeff Ruby Steakhouses, Carlos & Johnny, before heading to the 7:00pm showing. It was a completely sold out event and we sat in the packed out stadium style theater with about 250 other people who were not sure what to expect from the provocative film about international adoption.
What we got with this compelling film was an incredible look into the plight of orphans around the world and families that are fighting to bring many of them home. This is something so near and dear to my heart as an advocate for families, women and unborn children in my career and also as an adoptive mother myself and one who is now on the waiting list for a child from China.
While my family is not "stuck" in our adoption process at this time (we are waiting to be matched with a child) we are well over 2 years into the process and understand the incredible obstacles a family or individual must contend with in order to provide a loving home for a child who is without one. It can be maddening sometimes as you write check after check for each step of the way and fill out stacks of paperwork, undergo a litany of back ground checks, mental and physical health checks, financial screening and numerous other "hoops" before you can even be "approved" to adopt a child internationally - all of this while currently mom and dad to 4 healthy happy children in your home already!! "Crazy" is really not the correct word for how sad this system is and how unfair it is to the millions of children who are orphans and want nothing more than a family - a family who is probably wanting them just as badly but either can't or is trying to navigate through all of these obstacles to bring them home :(
I guess I will stop my rant and just conclude by saying that the organization who produced this film, Both Ends Burning, is doing remarkable work to get the policies and laws changed that has caused international adoption in this country to decrease by 50% in the last five years - 50%! That means that the approximately 10 million orphans in this world have a very slim chance of ever having a family if something doesn't change - something has to change! This film and this organization - with help of people just like you and me - is making a change.
Please take a moment to watch this trailer and this informational video (less than 10 minutes for both!) and then find out where you can see this film near you! It is life changing - you CAN make a difference ....we all can!! :)
On the event "red carpet" with attorney Kelly Ensslin , who has dedicated countless hours to this cause (what an incredible and inspirational woman!) & Executive Producer, Craig Juntunen.
(I am crazy bright in this pic - my husband says I make pictures "hot"...I thought he was being sweet and then I realized that it is actually a photography term for when the light reflects all crazy and bright off of a person or object like this - LOL!)
I hope that you will all take a moment to explore this film and the cause behind it. Please, if your life has been touched in any way by adoption I would love to hear about it! It is my passion and I believe my calling in life to advocate for :)
Blessings!
Friday, April 12, 2013
Connections......
So my last update was just a few weeks ago (less than a month) and I have so much to update!
One kind of fun thing that really has nothing to do with my blogging about our adoption journey is that I was featured in a local magazine. It does have everything to do with helping to raise awareness about the blessing of adoption. In the article this blog (www.tyeadoptionjourney.blogspot.com) was mentioned, as well as, me being an adoption advocate. The writer did leave a few things out that I was sad about like the fact that I am a Client Educator at a local pregnancy care center: Pregnancy Care of Cincinnati. Why is that so important to me? Because it would have been awesome to have some attention brought to this organization that does so much good locally for women, children and families. It also is a key ministry in many happy adoption stories for many families.
I actually began volunteering for this organization as a direct result of the adoption of our daughter, Gabrielle, even though her particular circumstance had nothing to do with Pregnancy Care of Cincinnati. I do, however, speak with women every week that share a very similar story and situation to our baby girl's birth mom. I was blessed to be able to meet with one young woman just in the last 4 months that has chosen life and a family via an open adoption for her unborn baby. This couple is one, like many couples, who has tried desperately for years to conceive a child and been unable. Through a serious of events (and God's gently guiding hand) this birth mother and this couple's paths' crossed and now they will forever be connected by this precious life that they both will love so much.
I can't tell you what it feels like to watch God move in people's lives like that! It was one thing to see it in my own life, but to know what it took to bring this event about it nothing short of miraculous! I wish I could share all the details with you and someday I hope to be able to do so in a little more detail. Just suffice it to say that God used my involvement with PCC and my own adoption story to reach this mother at precisely the time she needed it. He then used others to connect this same birth mother to the family that was meant for her child who certainly had been praying that God would give them a child to love. I am so thankful that I have been also able to get to know this precious birth mother. What a blessing she has been to me as I have spoken with her and watched her walk out His plan. Praise God for His Sovereignty!
Another amazing thing is that we have come to a decision that we are certainly continuing on with adopting a little girl (our daughter because I know that God already has her set aside for our family!) from China - yay! Just a few weeks ago we were not positive that was to still be our journey. God has given us the clear desire and direction for our daughter in China and we could not be more excited. With that has come all the updating of our international home study and lots of new and updated paperwork, finger printing, back ground checks, medical updates, etc. so that we can continue toward bringing our daughter in China home. We are now officially back on "the list" and are only 2nd in line to receive our referral - this is what they call the file that you receive that gives you all the information about a child (any background info they may have - in China this is usually where the child was "found", medical information, DOB(or estimate), pictures, etc.) . It is from that referral that you decide whether or not to move forward with adopting that child (accepting the referral). After that decision is made we would most likely travel to China about 4 months later to pick-up our child and bring her home. There is a mandatory 2 week time frame that we would have to stay in China with our little girl before traveling back to the States. At this time we are being told that will most likely happen before the end of this year.
God has been so faithful through this whole process even when we had no idea which way to go. As we have been seeing this part of our journey come together we continue to be amazed at how He has had all of this planned out so perfectly long before we ever knew how it would come together. I am sure that in the coming months we will see even more of His amazing love that I hope to be able to share with you.
Today I enjoyed lunch with an incredible girl, Amy, that I went to high school with. It is amazing how much our lives have paralleled each other's (# and even sex of biological children, adoption of baby girls, church involvement, passions and, of course, our love for Jesus Christ, etc!) even though we were not really friends in high school and only reconnected with each other through mutual friends and our 15 year high school reunion a couple of years ago. It has made me actually feel a little bit sad that we have missed out on growing up together in our relationships and parallel journeys over these last 15 - 20 years.
Again, God's timing is perfect and while we have both been on our own separate paths God has crossed those paths at precisely the right time in both of our lives.
It was wonderful to sit down and enjoy her for a solid 2 hours today though. Her adoption journey is inspiring and so miraculous. It is the encouragement I needed at precisely the time God knew I needed it. I really hope that we are able to continue building on this friendship. There was just something that clicked in my soul with her today....you what it is like to feel like someone "gets you" even when you aren't sure that you "get you"? Haha - okay maybe that is just me! :)
Speaking of friendships; this evening Derek and I are so excited to spend some time with one of the couples who have been so supportive throughout this process. Lori is a girlfriend that I also went to school with and wasn't really friends with back then either (two classmates in one day - awesome!). We connected about 6 or 7 years after high school and have really been close since then. Lori and her husband, Abe, have 5 children and while none are adopted they have always been so excited every time we add another child to our family by any means(as we have been as we watched them add on with their last two babies)! They have a big traditional Catholic family and truly live the "more the merrier" mentality - I love it! Every time I talk to Lori she is so anxious to hear about how our process is going and if we think we will adopt more children. Being a believer she also feels that God has a plan for our lives and is excited to see how He is weaving it all together :)
So I guess that pretty much sums up everything I wanted to get down in black and white from the past few weeks. It helps me so much to type all this out so I don't forget the timeline and details or this amazing journey. I know that I am not only writing about the story of our adoption journey as we are living it, but I am also documenting Gabrielle's journey that she will someday read and now picking back up on the adoption journey of our Chinese daughter. Wherever she is, her story has already begun with our family.
Thank you for your continued prayers and support!
Jessica (and the entire Tye family :)
"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His Holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families......" Psalms 68:5-6
"My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place, when I was made together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days of my life were written in Your book before one of them came to be." Psalms 139
"For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out; "Abba, Father"! Romans 8:15
One kind of fun thing that really has nothing to do with my blogging about our adoption journey is that I was featured in a local magazine. It does have everything to do with helping to raise awareness about the blessing of adoption. In the article this blog (www.tyeadoptionjourney.blogspot.com) was mentioned, as well as, me being an adoption advocate. The writer did leave a few things out that I was sad about like the fact that I am a Client Educator at a local pregnancy care center: Pregnancy Care of Cincinnati. Why is that so important to me? Because it would have been awesome to have some attention brought to this organization that does so much good locally for women, children and families. It also is a key ministry in many happy adoption stories for many families.
I actually began volunteering for this organization as a direct result of the adoption of our daughter, Gabrielle, even though her particular circumstance had nothing to do with Pregnancy Care of Cincinnati. I do, however, speak with women every week that share a very similar story and situation to our baby girl's birth mom. I was blessed to be able to meet with one young woman just in the last 4 months that has chosen life and a family via an open adoption for her unborn baby. This couple is one, like many couples, who has tried desperately for years to conceive a child and been unable. Through a serious of events (and God's gently guiding hand) this birth mother and this couple's paths' crossed and now they will forever be connected by this precious life that they both will love so much.
I can't tell you what it feels like to watch God move in people's lives like that! It was one thing to see it in my own life, but to know what it took to bring this event about it nothing short of miraculous! I wish I could share all the details with you and someday I hope to be able to do so in a little more detail. Just suffice it to say that God used my involvement with PCC and my own adoption story to reach this mother at precisely the time she needed it. He then used others to connect this same birth mother to the family that was meant for her child who certainly had been praying that God would give them a child to love. I am so thankful that I have been also able to get to know this precious birth mother. What a blessing she has been to me as I have spoken with her and watched her walk out His plan. Praise God for His Sovereignty!
Another amazing thing is that we have come to a decision that we are certainly continuing on with adopting a little girl (our daughter because I know that God already has her set aside for our family!) from China - yay! Just a few weeks ago we were not positive that was to still be our journey. God has given us the clear desire and direction for our daughter in China and we could not be more excited. With that has come all the updating of our international home study and lots of new and updated paperwork, finger printing, back ground checks, medical updates, etc. so that we can continue toward bringing our daughter in China home. We are now officially back on "the list" and are only 2nd in line to receive our referral - this is what they call the file that you receive that gives you all the information about a child (any background info they may have - in China this is usually where the child was "found", medical information, DOB(or estimate), pictures, etc.) . It is from that referral that you decide whether or not to move forward with adopting that child (accepting the referral). After that decision is made we would most likely travel to China about 4 months later to pick-up our child and bring her home. There is a mandatory 2 week time frame that we would have to stay in China with our little girl before traveling back to the States. At this time we are being told that will most likely happen before the end of this year.
God has been so faithful through this whole process even when we had no idea which way to go. As we have been seeing this part of our journey come together we continue to be amazed at how He has had all of this planned out so perfectly long before we ever knew how it would come together. I am sure that in the coming months we will see even more of His amazing love that I hope to be able to share with you.
Today I enjoyed lunch with an incredible girl, Amy, that I went to high school with. It is amazing how much our lives have paralleled each other's (# and even sex of biological children, adoption of baby girls, church involvement, passions and, of course, our love for Jesus Christ, etc!) even though we were not really friends in high school and only reconnected with each other through mutual friends and our 15 year high school reunion a couple of years ago. It has made me actually feel a little bit sad that we have missed out on growing up together in our relationships and parallel journeys over these last 15 - 20 years.
Again, God's timing is perfect and while we have both been on our own separate paths God has crossed those paths at precisely the right time in both of our lives.
It was wonderful to sit down and enjoy her for a solid 2 hours today though. Her adoption journey is inspiring and so miraculous. It is the encouragement I needed at precisely the time God knew I needed it. I really hope that we are able to continue building on this friendship. There was just something that clicked in my soul with her today....you what it is like to feel like someone "gets you" even when you aren't sure that you "get you"? Haha - okay maybe that is just me! :)
Speaking of friendships; this evening Derek and I are so excited to spend some time with one of the couples who have been so supportive throughout this process. Lori is a girlfriend that I also went to school with and wasn't really friends with back then either (two classmates in one day - awesome!). We connected about 6 or 7 years after high school and have really been close since then. Lori and her husband, Abe, have 5 children and while none are adopted they have always been so excited every time we add another child to our family by any means(as we have been as we watched them add on with their last two babies)! They have a big traditional Catholic family and truly live the "more the merrier" mentality - I love it! Every time I talk to Lori she is so anxious to hear about how our process is going and if we think we will adopt more children. Being a believer she also feels that God has a plan for our lives and is excited to see how He is weaving it all together :)
So I guess that pretty much sums up everything I wanted to get down in black and white from the past few weeks. It helps me so much to type all this out so I don't forget the timeline and details or this amazing journey. I know that I am not only writing about the story of our adoption journey as we are living it, but I am also documenting Gabrielle's journey that she will someday read and now picking back up on the adoption journey of our Chinese daughter. Wherever she is, her story has already begun with our family.
Thank you for your continued prayers and support!
Jessica (and the entire Tye family :)
"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His Holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families......" Psalms 68:5-6
"My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place, when I was made together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days of my life were written in Your book before one of them came to be." Psalms 139
"For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out; "Abba, Father"! Romans 8:15
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Are we beginning AGAIN?!
(Warning this is a picture heavy post)
Well, our precious little girl is now 1 year old! I can not believe how fast time has flown. Just a short year ago (actually 13 months ago now) I received a message that would change the lives of my family forever. My husband, Derek, and I sat back and reflected on those events the other day together. Just remembering the frantic phone call to an adoption attorney and domestic adoption agency - we had to COMPLETELY switch gears after all as everything we had done over the proceeding year had been in prep for an International adoption and now we were pursuing a domestic one - and how nervous we really were about everything. How we couldn't even believe that we were being offered a baby and that I would be seeing/meeting the birth mom (and our unborn baby girl via ultrasound!) just one short day after speaking to her on the phone. Less than 2 weeks later we would literally be holding our baby girl in our arms. This is the kind of thing that t.v. movies are made of, but that you don't actually experience in the real world yet this was our life! We could not have imagined anything more incredible - not then at least.
I think this is the first time I have ever shared pics! I hope you enjoy :)
(Gabrielle was 1 week old in this picture :)
(at a couple of weeks old with big brother Maxwell)
(Gabrielle last Easter - she was about 1 and a 1/2 months old)
(about 5 months at Kings Island watching her brothers ride the big roller coasters ;)
(Gabby at about 8 months old)
(9 months old - Costume Parade in our neighborhood park)
(10 months old - Thanksgiving with Daddy!)
(11 months old - Christmas day with mommy - me! :)
Holding her "my first birthday" chalk board art that is all about her! :)
(with 2 of her older brothers on her birthday)
(This is my favorite picture of her - she is such an angel!!)
Here we are now 13 months and 4 days since watching our baby girl enter this world. I think I speak for my entire family when I say that we really continue to be amazed every day. First of all, Gabrielle is just an amazing little thing! She has my husband, my boys, and yes - even me, tightly wrapped around those perfect stubby little fingers :) She brings such life and laughter and joy to our home. She clearly knows and loves all of us. That in its self has become a little bit of a problem when it comes time to leave her in the church nursery - she clearly has a preference for who she stays and plays with!! On a serious note, though, watching her grow and develop over this last year has really just been a miracle. We continue to maintain a great relationship with her birth mom, Michelle (Auntie M). Auntie M came to Gabby's 1st birthday party as did all of Gabby's aunts and uncles and nieces and nephews. It was such an incredible time of celebrating her amazing little life!
I sometimes get lost in thought about the path God has led us down. Often I think about how things could have played out so differently. I shudder to think about if we had not listened, if Auntie M had changed her mind, if our mutual friend who originally contacted us had not done so because of her own insecurities or fears. Gabrielle belongs to this family. She was made for this family and our God knew that even as he knit her in her mother's womb - that I firmly believe. What it took to get her to her family, though, was all the people God nudged to do their part had to listen to that "still small voice" and do what they knew in their hearts they were meant to do. Thank God that for this story that is exactly what happened!
Just about a week after Gabrielle turned one I got a call from our International adoption agency checking on how things have been going with Gabby and also reminding us that our immigration status is about to expire. This is only important if we would like to continue forward now with the China adoption Continue on? I need to decide that now? It just doesn't feel like it has been that long at all! Clearly, though, it has. I can honestly tell you that Derek and I don't have an answer - still - for if we think we should pursue our China adoption. My heart screams, "YES!!", but my head says we have so much to consider. We have petitioned our friends to pray about it for us and have gone before God day after day in prayer looking for a "sign" or an answer as to how and if we are to proceed.
Part of the difficulty for me has been figuring out exactly where another little girl would fit into our family at this time. When we started down this road our plan was to adopt a toddler from China from between 18 months to about 3 years old. With our youngest son at 5 years old at the time we felt like this would be a good gap between the siblings and we honestly just were not planning to "start over" with an infant. Then came God's plan and our perfect little angel, Gabrielle. Now we look at everything and think, "where does our little Chinese ladybug fit in this family now? Do we wait until Gabby is 3 and then start looking at adding a younger sister in behind her? The girls would be so close in age then...almost twins. Unless we waited several more years. I wasn't so sure that sounded like something we wanted to do. How would that affect Gabby in 2+ years when we bring another toddler girl into her world and family? Would it be just like it was for the boys? Maybe this would be a whole new dynamic since we are looking at adding another girl?
In trying to make a decision with how to move forward we have certainly been seeking the Lord in prayer and looking for anything that He might use to help direct our path and decision making. The biggest thing we have looming ahead of us that is forcing our hands at this time is that pesky immigration status. What that means is that in order to stay "current" and be able to continue pursuing our Chinese daughter (should we chose to do so) we needed to update our home study and then apply for an extension of our immigration status. If we do not so that and decided months or years down the road that we want to start pursuing a China adoption again it would mean many many additional fees and processes that doing it now will help us to avoid. While there are still fees and processes to "renew" everything they are substantially less. It has been a struggle to figure out if we should invest the money to continue on (on top of thousands that already have been). I mean what if we decide not to pursue this? Why can't we have an answer as to what we want to do before making all these decisions?!
Well, this past week we decided to pay the fees associated with this process and scheduled our home study update for this morning.
I can tell you that going into the meeting with our sweet social worker Karla who has now been working with our family for almost 2 years (she started with us in the beginning as began pursuing international adoption!) I was still 50/50 on whether or not moving forward with another adoption was still the right thing for our family. My idea of what that was going to look like for us just made me a bit uneasy somehow and I couldn't put my finger on it. After our meeting with Karla I really felt that God was using her to tell us what He needs us to know!
We shared our concerns with her of adding another child and how we would do that and when. She almost immediately offered that perhaps we adopt a 2-3 year old soon so that our "lady bug" would fill the gap currently between Parker and Gabby. She suggested that since Gabby is so young that it wouldn't pose an issue concerning birth order as is often a concern when adopting children into a family that already has children in place. Suddenly I felt a shift....it was like the light bulb going off in my head. It made total sense to me! My fears about Gabrielle being affected are now pretty much a non-issue. She is too young to know any different and having a big sister would just be a bonus to her that she doesn't yet even know she is missing. I really felt like God was smiling down at me as all my thoughts processed. Like he was nodding His head and saying, " I told you that I had all this figured out. I never forgot what you had been pursuing and I knew how to work all of this out. Sit back, relax and let me show you how it can all be done just as I planned."
How often I try to figure everything out and fret over the details and how to fit everything into place. His only instructions to us is to not worry and wait for His word. He always has a plan and it is always for the best! Now maybe this is not His plan at all. Maybe there is a different path and I am just not processing what He wants me to see yet. I really want what God wants for us and if it is to work the way we are now imagining then I am very excited! We love our children so much and I know that there is still so much love there for another child that is yet unknown to us. I know that if it is blessed by God then everything will work out and our family will be strengthened, not stressed, by this addition.
Derek and I have discussed next steps know that we need to sit back down and speak with our international adoption specialist before moving forward. She has worked with adoptive families for 25+ years and we want to make sure that we are all thinking straight about how to go about this, but I know if God is blessing it then the doors will open for us and she will confirm everything we are already feeling. I am excited to think that we could be moving forward with bringing our Chinese daughter home. I do know that I can rest in the fact that God knows who she is, where she is and exactly how we are going to get there. All we need to do is listen and have faith....He will show us the way!
Thank you for continuing to follow us along this path and to pray for our guidance. You are all so precious to us and we are so thankful for each of you.
God Bless!
Jessica and family
(Our precious children)
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Ephesians 2:10
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." Psalm 3:5-6
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
One Foot in Front of the Other
Wow! It has been so long since I sat down to do an entry and SO much has happened. The last time I sat down to share with all of you was just a couple of weeks after losing my dad. I can't believe he has been gone 4 months. It still feels like yesterday to me. I try very hard not to act like it feels like yesterday. Luckily life moves so fast that there isn't alot of time for me to sit and "soak" in my despair. Don't get me wrong, I lived a truly blessed life and I know that. God has given me so much to celebrate and rejoice over, but it is immensely hard to think about my dad and see any of those blessings in that moment. I have said it before and I fear that I will continue to feel this way; a piece of me died with my dad that day. A much bigger piece than I thought a person could lose and continue putting one foot in front of the other. I am not the same person I was 4 months ago. I really have to "try" to stay focused on the positive where it pretty much came naturally before. I know that without the Holy Spirit I would be lost - truly lost! you can only lean on people so much. People only have so much to give you before they can't support you any longer. That's what is so amazing about God. He will continue to be your support - always!
Having said all that I would be remiss not to also tell you that I absolutely know what a comfort our beautiful little Gabrielle has been to me through this immense pain and loss. I can't help but to think of Job 1:21 "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." I am not saying that I believe I lost my dad because we received Gabby, but I know that God's plan is perfect and He knew long before that I would be losing my dad. He knew the effect it would have on me and He also knew the love that I would get and give to Gabrielle (and my boys) would help hold me together. I can't explain how grateful I am that my dad got to spend precious time with my little girl. Those pictures and memories I will treasure always. Though Gabby will not remember him, she will have the knowledge that he loved her and was so proud of her in her short first 6 months of life.
The holidays were so hard this year, but so spectacular at the same time. We were able to go to Kentucky and spend the weekend before Thanksgiving with my mom and grandma and grandpa before heading to Florida for Thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family - the Muses. There is no where else I would have rather been. My dad's brother and sister were there, my grandma (his mom), my cousins.....it was incredible! I have always been pretty close to my dad's little sister, Anita, and I know how much she meant to him so it was extremely comforting to be with her. It really brought me back to how I felt in my childhood with my family. There was a huge void without my dad there, but there was also this incredible new light and new life in Gabrielle that I think we were all so thankful for. It helped us to all concentrate on her firsts and not my dad's lasts.
Christmas was just as spectacular with our traditional Christmas Eve celebration with my husband's side of the family at our house followed by Christmas day celebrations the next day - also at our house! For Christmas lunch we had all of my brothers (my full brother, Jason, and our half brothers, Troy, Kyle and Michael) together for the first time ever in the same place for Christmas. My step-mom and my half brothers mom, Tippy, also joined us. Again the void was huge were my dad would have been, but the love and promise that came from us all being together was breathtaking. How could I not feel like the luckiest girl alive? Here I am surrounded by this incredible family that my dad provided in life and brought together in his death. Whew......
Christmas dinner brought more joy as Gabrielle's "belly mom", Michelle, and her two children joined us. It is hard - impossible really - to describe what it feels like to be part of such a story unfolding. Where each turn is more epic than the one before. Here we are sitting in our family room on Christmas day with a brand new family - our new family - who just the year prior we did not know and couldn't imagine how God would bring us together. We laughed and enjoyed watching Gabby's 1/2 brother and sister open their gifts, enjoyed Christmas dinner together, watched the kids play and just spent time in fellowship with each other. Only God could put this all together. Yes, the last 4 months have been the hardest of my life and I suspect that I will have to continue to work at keeping my head up, but how blessed am I? Really....how blessed?? My brothers are reunited. My daughter's birth mom is a big part of our lives and family. I have the sweetest and most incredible baby girl I can even imagine - seriously! And here I am getting not only to watch, but also be a part of this! My dad's death does not make me not blessed - it makes me look more forward to Heaven than ever. I can not wait to run to my daddy's arms and tell him how much I have missed him! Until then I will continue to pour myself into all of those wonderful people that God has put into my life and cherish each and every relationship with everything that I have.
In one month Gabby will be one year old. I can hardly believe it is true, but it is! She is truly such a light in our lives. My boys just absolutely adore her. The first they ask in the morning when they get up is "where is Gabby?" and the first thing when they get home from school each day is "is Gabby up from her nap?". I don't think that she could be any more loved. She has blessed our lives immensely and I can promise you that she is one very blessed little girl!
So shifting gears just a little bit; over Christmas break I got a call from our International Adoption Agency rep to see how things were going since the adoption of our Gabby. Remember that it was this journey that God used to lead us to the adoption of Gabrielle. Not that we would have continued on that path at the time we found about Gabby, but you may remember that China law requires that we wait a mandatory 1 year after adopting Gabby to adopt from China. Next month that mandatory period is over. During this time our file was literally put on "hold" in China.
Well, I have to tell you that we have not yet made any decisions on the possible continuation of our international adoption journey. It sounds crazy as I read those words I just typed! How can I have 4 children ranging from just under 1 y/o to 11 yrs. old and even consider adding a 5th? I mean seriously we downsized our home just before starting this journey and are now busting at the seams. I don't even think we have room for a 7th person in our house! We have to think about space, moving, time, money....oh,man! Inside, though, I still feel that tug on my heart for our China daughter. I just don't know what to do. I guess the answer is that I want whatever God wants for my life. I know that if I walk the path he has set before me it will be blessed. He always has a way of showing us His will. Until then I will continue to just put one foot in front of the other.....
God bless!
Jessy
Having said all that I would be remiss not to also tell you that I absolutely know what a comfort our beautiful little Gabrielle has been to me through this immense pain and loss. I can't help but to think of Job 1:21 "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." I am not saying that I believe I lost my dad because we received Gabby, but I know that God's plan is perfect and He knew long before that I would be losing my dad. He knew the effect it would have on me and He also knew the love that I would get and give to Gabrielle (and my boys) would help hold me together. I can't explain how grateful I am that my dad got to spend precious time with my little girl. Those pictures and memories I will treasure always. Though Gabby will not remember him, she will have the knowledge that he loved her and was so proud of her in her short first 6 months of life.
The holidays were so hard this year, but so spectacular at the same time. We were able to go to Kentucky and spend the weekend before Thanksgiving with my mom and grandma and grandpa before heading to Florida for Thanksgiving with my dad's side of the family - the Muses. There is no where else I would have rather been. My dad's brother and sister were there, my grandma (his mom), my cousins.....it was incredible! I have always been pretty close to my dad's little sister, Anita, and I know how much she meant to him so it was extremely comforting to be with her. It really brought me back to how I felt in my childhood with my family. There was a huge void without my dad there, but there was also this incredible new light and new life in Gabrielle that I think we were all so thankful for. It helped us to all concentrate on her firsts and not my dad's lasts.
Christmas was just as spectacular with our traditional Christmas Eve celebration with my husband's side of the family at our house followed by Christmas day celebrations the next day - also at our house! For Christmas lunch we had all of my brothers (my full brother, Jason, and our half brothers, Troy, Kyle and Michael) together for the first time ever in the same place for Christmas. My step-mom and my half brothers mom, Tippy, also joined us. Again the void was huge were my dad would have been, but the love and promise that came from us all being together was breathtaking. How could I not feel like the luckiest girl alive? Here I am surrounded by this incredible family that my dad provided in life and brought together in his death. Whew......
Christmas dinner brought more joy as Gabrielle's "belly mom", Michelle, and her two children joined us. It is hard - impossible really - to describe what it feels like to be part of such a story unfolding. Where each turn is more epic than the one before. Here we are sitting in our family room on Christmas day with a brand new family - our new family - who just the year prior we did not know and couldn't imagine how God would bring us together. We laughed and enjoyed watching Gabby's 1/2 brother and sister open their gifts, enjoyed Christmas dinner together, watched the kids play and just spent time in fellowship with each other. Only God could put this all together. Yes, the last 4 months have been the hardest of my life and I suspect that I will have to continue to work at keeping my head up, but how blessed am I? Really....how blessed?? My brothers are reunited. My daughter's birth mom is a big part of our lives and family. I have the sweetest and most incredible baby girl I can even imagine - seriously! And here I am getting not only to watch, but also be a part of this! My dad's death does not make me not blessed - it makes me look more forward to Heaven than ever. I can not wait to run to my daddy's arms and tell him how much I have missed him! Until then I will continue to pour myself into all of those wonderful people that God has put into my life and cherish each and every relationship with everything that I have.
In one month Gabby will be one year old. I can hardly believe it is true, but it is! She is truly such a light in our lives. My boys just absolutely adore her. The first they ask in the morning when they get up is "where is Gabby?" and the first thing when they get home from school each day is "is Gabby up from her nap?". I don't think that she could be any more loved. She has blessed our lives immensely and I can promise you that she is one very blessed little girl!
So shifting gears just a little bit; over Christmas break I got a call from our International Adoption Agency rep to see how things were going since the adoption of our Gabby. Remember that it was this journey that God used to lead us to the adoption of Gabrielle. Not that we would have continued on that path at the time we found about Gabby, but you may remember that China law requires that we wait a mandatory 1 year after adopting Gabby to adopt from China. Next month that mandatory period is over. During this time our file was literally put on "hold" in China.
Well, I have to tell you that we have not yet made any decisions on the possible continuation of our international adoption journey. It sounds crazy as I read those words I just typed! How can I have 4 children ranging from just under 1 y/o to 11 yrs. old and even consider adding a 5th? I mean seriously we downsized our home just before starting this journey and are now busting at the seams. I don't even think we have room for a 7th person in our house! We have to think about space, moving, time, money....oh,man! Inside, though, I still feel that tug on my heart for our China daughter. I just don't know what to do. I guess the answer is that I want whatever God wants for my life. I know that if I walk the path he has set before me it will be blessed. He always has a way of showing us His will. Until then I will continue to just put one foot in front of the other.....
God bless!
Jessy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)