Love is the best medicine!

 Our clan!  This was my husband's first time watching all five kids by himself....the bathroom is a good place to "corral" them I guess :)

13 days..... That is how long we have now been home.  Amazing how life has changed. It looks so different than it did this time last month.  And different is good even if it has been so overwhelming. We know that the feeling of being overwhelmed will get better for us and for Liliana who has certainly been dealing with way more emotionally, physically and mentally than we have.  The kids have all been adjusting really well to having a new sister, too.  Lily is just crazy about all of the boys and lights up whenever they walk into the room.  She is less crazy about Gabby, but is warming up to her. Gabby has been so sweet to her and is obviously made to be a big sister.

Since arriving we now have some medical answers and explanations regarding Liliana which has given us a rest of thinking about it and imaging things on our own.  For 3 weeks we wondered what the specialists would say and what kind of diagnosis they would give her. We knew whatever they told us was going to be okay and we would do whatever it took to help Lily overcome anything that she needed to. Derek and I both felt at peace before going that morning where the months and weeks leading up to this that wasn't exactly the case. I knew that God was in control of this and He would bring us through whatever He had brought us to.

The appointment went so well overall and while we learned that she indeed has PDA (Patent Ductus Arteriosus) which is a congenital heart defect that most often only effects prematurely born babies. After her general examination by the head doctor at our International Adoption Center here at Children's Hospital, it was determined that the condition for her is pretty substantial. There are many varying degrees of this with the larger holes obviously causing a much great risk for heart failure.  The Dr. did give me the stethoscope to listen to her heart and it literally brought me to tears. I couldn't even hear the actual beating of her heart, but only this very loud whooshing and gurgling noises made by the blood rushing to her lungs before being regurgitated back into the heart. Thsi, of course, overworks the heart and causing enlarging and stress on the heart muscle. The best news is that it is suspected that oncce she has her surgery her heart will completely recover and return to normal!
Next steps for her heart is obviously surgery as soon as possible, but we have to meet with the cardiologist and do specialized testing to figure out if there are any other issues going on with her heart at this time. Often PDA is linked to other congenital heart defects. We are praying against that in Lily!
We will hopefully have the testing done and a surgery scheduled within a month or two as we also want to get her a little stronger physically before moving forward with such an operation.

During the 4.5 hour appointment we learned so many things about Lily, but were also left with many other heartbreaking questions that we will most likely never (maybe thankfully) have all the answer. Through talking with all the doctors we met with we did learn that the abuse and neglect she has experienced in her first 29 months has been pretty severe. It broke our hearts to hear what they suspect different marks and scars on her little body meant must have happened to her. We just cried and hugged her through much of the morning, but were able to come out on the other side knowing what a fighter she is and that we can now rebuild what was kept from her and start fresh now that she is home!

One thing we heard over and over again from each professional we met with that morning was how incredible her spirit was. They were amazed with how joyful and well bonded she appeared to already be. They felt it was remarkable that she was able to form an attachment to us so quickly given the difficult situations she has obviously been in before coupled with being over 2 years old. To have been through the things they know she has suffered they all felt that was quite a testament to her resilience and ability to love and still trust in the good and that will serve her so well in having a bright and promising future. Of course while there they did all her measurements to see where she fit on the growth chart. While her weight is certainly way under what it should be, the doctors were impressed that she has put on 3.5lbs since we got her just over 3 weeks ago!  Her head size and height is right on the mark. While she is couple inches shorter than her big sis Gabby (who is actually short for her age on a standard American pediatric growth chart) she is tracking fine for her Asian descent :)
Developmentally she has been assessed to be around 14-16 months instead of her 29 months. The good news is that she is expected to catch up fully given some time and encouragement. Her brain literally just needs time to make the connections and receive the stimulation that she had not been  given until this point in her life. Knowing what we know about how smart she is I know that she is going to surprise everyone by how quickly she "catches up" and jumps ahead of her true age :)

This morning I had to head back to Children's and have her Tuberculosis skin test read. Thank God that was negative!  We also got the results from her stool samples where they test for intestinal parasites and those were also negative!! We had been warned that the percentage of kiddos coming from international adoption with positive result for parasites is very high so we had been very cautious at home and assumed that was a strong possibility for her. The fact that she doesn't have them is truly amazing and another miracle in all of this!

With all of those results and tests behind us we are feeling a big weight off of us and if Lily could understand any of this I am sure she would being feeling it as well! We will now concentrate on getting her more and more nutrition and ready for what lies ahead of her in regards to procedures to get her on the road to being physically whole.  In the meantime we will continue to help her learn her basic tasks of crawling, standing and walking. She is continuing  to build strength in her limbs and core which is imperative for her to be able to accomplish these actions. The Physical Therapist we met with at Children's was very optimistic that she will be able to do all of those very soon. Certainly after her heart is repaired and functioning properly. Much of her inability to do these things lies not only in her physical (muscle) strength (or lack there of), but also in her endurance. It is very difficult for her right now to strain her lungs and heart in the way it does when she practices walking for instance.  When she tries she just sweats profusely (literally hair and clothes get wet!). We have been trying to help her with little things that are helping her to build her muscle strength so that it will be easier for her to achieve standing and walking on her own without straining her too much.

While Lily has many obstacles to overcome we know that she has already come such a long long way toward her complete recovery. She is finally with her family and she is getting more love than she knows what to do with - I can promise you that! She is now getting so much nutrition and she is flourishing because of it. Her fingernails which we didn't have to cut at all in the 2 weeks we had her in China have now had to be cut 2x since arriving home (less than 2 weeks!) and her hair is already growing like crazy and becoming much shinier and softer (her course, dull hair was caused by malnutrition the doctor explained to us). Her skin tone looks better, as well, and her cheeks are getting so full and round. And as I already mentioned, she has put on more than 10% of her body weight in just over 3 weeks which is amazing!

These pictures were taken after her nap on the same day that she had her visit to Cincinnati Children's Hospital's International Adoption Center...complete with bandages fresh on her arms. Still smiling!

We still don't understand any of what she says, but she really babbles (toddler Mandarin anyone?) a ton now - mostly when supposed to be going to sleep and trying to carrying on a conversation across the bedroom with her sister, Gabby :) Lily also loves music and "dances" in her car seat while listening to music in the car. She has learned how to wave "hi" and "bye", give you a "high five", point to what she needs/wants, attempt to use sign language for "more", blow kisses, give hugs, lift up her shirt when you ask where her "belly is?" and maybe most amazingly she will go lay down in the hearth room where I typically change her diaper if she is dirty and needs a new diaper!
She is one smart and resilient little girl and she has been made for big things and big miracles. Her life is already an amazing miracle and we just can't wait to see what else is in store for her. We just feel so blessed to be her parents and be able to witness what God is going to continue to do in her life.

Thank you for all your continued prayers, your letters, texts, emails and your comments on Facebook, etc. I just can't tell you how encouraging you all have been to us and how much it is truly needed and appreciated. While we know how blessed we are, we are also dealing with the real life struggles that this journey has brought our family. Knowing that we are not in this alone and that Lily is not in this alone truly makes all the difference in the world!

We love you all and thank you so much for continuing to follow along on this journey with us.
God bless!!
Jessica (and family)

Zoo time with my girls :)

This is just the beginning!

At the "farmer's market" in our hometown - 2nd weekend home :)

Prior to coming home with Liliana I had felt almost as if the "end goal" was getting to her. Like that would be the climax of these incredible 3 year long adventure we had been on.  I realized pretty quickly though how wrong that thought process was. Well, actually I don't even know that it was something I had consciously thought about, but rather something that just was. Since coming home I have been really overwhelmed by the realization that this is really just the beginning of the adventure. Like everything leading up to bringing Lily home was the warm up or maybe the "huddle" (I have football on the brain! ;)

Well, today is Sunday. Our second Sunday since arriving home and our second church service together as a family. It feels like it has always been this way already. Lily is so easy going and seems to be happy no matter what we are doing as long as she is with us (well, me really still at this point ;) and she is being fed. Seriously, we have to keep snacks in front of her 24/7! :) We had our annual church picnic at RiverTree today and it was a beautiful day. She enjoyed visiting with our church family while we sat outside in a shady spot enjoying plenty of good food :)

Our first Sunday at church as a family

 Lily and me at the church picnic today :)

The last 3 or 4 days have been "good days" for her and today was no exception. She woke up smiling and happy.  She smiled all the way through breakfast and the ride to church and was still smiling when we put her down for her nap. On her "bad" days she is just so stoic and sad. She doesn't want to laugh or smile and much and isn't happy playing or being held or anything. On those days she seems to just want to lay around and stare at her surroundings, but it's not like she is really seeing anything she is looking at. We feel like the "bad" days are the days that she is grieving for all she has lost.
I understand that it may be hard for people to understand how she could be sad considering all she has gained and the kind of need she was living with before. The truth is that she has lost all that she has ever known twice now (when she was left at the hospital presumably by her family at 1 year of age and then when we took her from the orphanage) and that has to be devastating. She may not remember details of these first 3 years of her life as she grows older, but at her age now she certainly knows and remembers what has happened to her in these 2 short years and those events have caused her a lot of pain.  It will take some time for her to realize that we aren't going anywhere and that she can trust that her life will be full of happiness and belonging now and forever. I pray that happens quickly for her.

Since coming home Lily has really made some great leaps forward in her physical abilities!  When we got her in China she would do little more than lay on the floor or sit up and stay in one spot while playing with toys. Each day there she progressed a bit as well, but since coming home we have really watched her blossom.  Today is the 10th day since arriving home and she is just like an entirely different kid in so many ways:)  She now crawls very well (and fast) to anything she wants to get to. We have noticed however, that given the option she wants to walk!  She can't balance well enough to walk without assistance yet, but she "cruises" all over holding onto furniture, walls, etc. This past week I purchased her one of those walker push toys and she has been walking all over that. The hardwood floors make that an easy task for her between on the rooms on our main floor.

This is another ride on toy she spends a lot of time playing with inside :)

This week since arriving home has been full of visitors for Lily.  It has been really nice to have so many people coming to show their love to us and Liliana. I know that it has been instrumental in her growth - love can overcome so much! It is especially exciting to watch her light up when other kids are around. She giggles and smiles watching them run around and play. She loves when they sit down and play next to her. I enjoy watching her study them and their movements. Older children is something she never saw before. She was in a room with only infants in her orphanage so seeing older kids running and playing and talking is all new to her. She clearly loves it :)

Derek and I are both so thankful to all our friends who have been coming by nearly every day since we returned delivering meals and gifts, etc.(and just hanging out and getting to know Lily, too :)  Our boys have been loving the variety of food as we are able to eat on leftovers for several days and usually have several choices for dinner each night. What a blessing it has been to me and Derek to be able to enjoy home cooked meals each night (I expected we would be eating take out nearly every night and was dreading it!).  We have been able to devote the time to playing with the girls and helping the boys with school work, etc. without worrying about preparing a meal. It has been such a great way to ease back into life as we now know it and give our kids the attention they all need right now.  I just can't thank each one of you enough for this!

I have been reading a book over the last week since returning home that was recommended to me by my agency called "Toddler Adoption" by Mary Hopkins-Best. It is a great book and has really opened my eyes to so many things regarding Lily as a toddler who has gone through living in an institution, her healing process and how we can expect her progression to look going forward.  I really only wish I had read this book prior to going to China. I think it would have prepared me a bit more for what I was going to encounter. If you are reading this and will be adopting a toddler (any child 1 year of age or older) I really encourage you to get this book and read it!

Through this process I have already grown so much as a mom, as a person and in my relationship with Christ. And I know there is so much more to come of course! Adoption is a beautiful union for a family to come about from, but it when you are adopting a toddler and maybe especially internationally, I can say it is not for the faint of heart. We have leaned so heavily on the prayers of our family and brothers and sisters in Christ since first getting the file on Lily.  We are continuing to do so as we are now coming face to face with the medical diagnosis that we will be handed over the next few weeks and months with our first appointment at Cincinnati Children's Hospital with her tomorrow morning. My heart is not burdened by this now as it has been in previous weeks and months. I feel very confident about her future and I feel strongly that we are going to witness and absolute miracle in her life. Her heart will be strong, her mind alert and receptive and her future is bright and full of possibilities :)
We are so privileged to be her parents and I am eternally grateful to our Father in Heaven who knew what our family would look like before we ever even dreamed of a family! His plan is always the perfect plan :)

Love,
Jessy


Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 40:29-31
"He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint."

We are in China!!!

**let me start by saying that there are probably numerous typos in this post, but just being able to get this out there while in China was a miracle so please bear with me on this one! I will try to correct once back in the states :) **

August 29th (Friday)
We made it! We have been in China a full 24 hours now. We still won't get to meet Lily for a couple of days, but we have been having a lot of fun sightseeing here in Beijing. We spent the morning at the Great Wall. It was really incredible hard to describe! We also met three other families that are traveling with us and also adopting through our agency. We have connected very easily with them and they really make the traveling a lot of fun.

I have taken a ton of pictures and will post a few in this blog post. I am just hoping that this all works. The Internet and especially blogging and Facebook is quite tricky here in China!

September 5th (Friday) 
Okay - so I wrote that and then lost internet connection and never got back to my blog - ha! Well, here we are in China on day 9 of what will be a 15 day long stay in China so we are just over the half way mark. We are now in Guangzhou which is a southern province of China. It's like the Florida of China and is just as hot and humid. We will stay here for the next 6 days. I am thankful to be able to stay in one place for a few days. All the packing and unpacking and running everywhere with all the babies has been hard on our group at times.

So many amazing things that happened in the last 8 to 9 days I'd like to recap for you. Please bear with me when I try to remember all of the things that have happened:

We got up Friday morning and visit the Great Wall as I spoke about above. It was an amazing experience and I am so glad that we got to do it! On the same day we also visited the jade factory and got a tour and education on how jade is refined and made into various objects and jewelry. We then
did some shopping there which I loved! On Saturday, August 30 we visited Tiananmen Square, the Forbidden city and then we went to cloisonné factory and the silk factory for an education and some more shopping. On both days we had great family-style traditional Chinese dining with our group which was a ton of fun.

On Sunday, August 31 we got up early and headed for the airport. We flew to Nanjing..... This is the capital city of Jiangsu province which is where we would be meeting our children the next day.
After arriving in checking into our hotel our guide took us across the street to an authentic Chinese vegetable market.
It was crazy! Here we are and a very upper middle-class area ....beautiful hotel beautiful shopping mall, nice cars, etc..... across the street and in a back alley type setting is a vegetable market that has everything from veggies to live frogs, snakes, eels, chickens - you name it! We saw some crazy stuff and I am so glad we got to see that, but once is enough ;)
Later that evening sleep decided to shop in the mall that connected to our hotel and we had dinner in the mall at Papa John's. I don't care for Papa John's in the states but it was actually really good in
China and was like a taste of home.

On Monday it was Gotcha Day! Lily's orphanage is located in Xuzhou city which is also in this province and is why we had to fly to Nanjing to start with.  We were supposed to meet the kids at the adoption center, but there was a change of plans and the orphanage director decided to bring the children directly to us on Monday morning at our hotel. We were all so excited about that news. Not only did it mean that we didn't have to go to such a crowded and public place to meet the kids and
that we can stay in the comfort of our hotel but also that we would get them several hours earlier - yay!!

About an hour before the kids were supposed to arrive our small group began gathering in the lobby. We watched anxiously for the car to pull out that will be carrying our children. When the car did pull up it all seem to happen so quickly. I had barely realized that it was our babies being carried in before we were being handed "NaNa".  She cried pretty hard for the first five minutes after I got
her but she eventually calmed down nicely. She was very quite reserved and clearly sad for the rest of
the day, but we miraculously got some smiles and laughs just before bedtime that same day!
It was an emotional day full of ups and downs and mixed with a lot of questions for me and Derek. We knew Lily some medical struggles. We were fairly unprepared for exactly what that would look like. It's very difficult to see a child not be able to do very basic things that she should be doing at her age and not know exactly the cause. We were unsure at that point what she wasn't doing because of fear, because she didn't know how or because she was too weak to do so. Regardless we knew we would do whatever it takes to help her and just felt incredibly blessed to finally have her in our arms. We were definitely in love!

On Tuesday we all went down to the adoption center and completed all of our paperwork for the adoptions. It was a very exciting morning! At this point I was still the only one who could hold Lily, but she was now giving her dad and brother many many smiles and laughs with very little effort from them :)

We are learning more about Lily every day and she is amazing! I first have to say that she is filled with more joy than any child I have ever seen in my life. She laughs and smiles at everything and never complains about anything (other than being held by a stranger or left alone - both very understandable!). It is so encouraging to see her sweet spirit regardless of what she has been through in her short little life.

On Wednesday, September 3 we traveled by fast train to Xuzhou province to visit the babies finding
 spots and spend the night at the Gloria resort. The next morning we would be visiting their orphanage. The fast train was pretty neat. It was about an hour and a half ride from Nanjing to Xuzhou. Lily was so good on the train ride and really loved watching out the
 window at the scenery. Once we arrived in Xuzhou it was a crazy hectic drive to the Children's Hospital where Lily had been found just about a year earlier. Our guide was able to actually lead us inside the hospital and to the
exact stairwell well where Lily had been found.
The Children's Hospital was nothing like you would ever see in the United States. It was a very sad place. Lily's entire demeanor changed once we walked inside and when we went to the stairwell she definitely seemed to know where she was. It was very sad moment for us, but also seem to be therapeutic as she was ending one chapter of her life and starting the next with her family - US!!!
The next morning (Thursday, Sept. 4th) we went to visit her orphanage and get a tour. That was a very hard trip. We definitely wanted to see her nannies and to see were she had lived for the last year of her life but we also knew that this would possibly be very difficult for her to go back to. I had a lot of questions in my mind before going there. I was unsure if Lily would be excited to be back there and see her friends at nannies or if she would be sad and want to stay with us. Upon arriving at the orphanage they sent us to a reception room where they had set up snacks and waters for us where we were to sit and relax before tour. It was there that I got the answer to my question. Derek had been unable to hold Lily at all until that point without her crying. In that room she willingly went to him and let him hold her. I think she was telling us that she chose us. Just writing now makes me very emotional. Just the impact that that moment had was amazing.
We saw many things that day at the orphanage that I will never forget. I am just so happy that Lily was coming home with us and that that was another part of her life that was over and behind her.
Later that afternoon we headed to the train station again to ride back to Nanjing. Once back to our hotel we would get a quick rest to get up very early the next morning and catch a flight to Guangzhou for our medical appointments that needed to take place before the National "Mid-Fall Harvest"
holiday that starts Saturday, Sept. 6th.
Again even after the very stressful day Lily was an angel! She even showed us a more playful and excepting part of her as she began to play games with Tanner like hi5, clapping when he did
something silly and even waving to us :)

On Friday morning we all got up at about 5 AM and everybody dressed got our bags packed and got out the door to board our flight to Gaungzhou. As soon as we arrived we boarded a bus and drove straight to the medical center. Once there they drew blood for Lily's TB test.... We won't get the results for a few days so please pray for a negative result!
After the blood test she went to 3 other rooms for additional exams. One ENT doctor, a general doctor for her overall exam and a nurses station for vitals and height, weight and head circumference. She was crying, trembling and in a cold sweat throughout most of her examinations. It breaks our hearts to see her that way and I wish I knew what had happened to her to make her so afraid of nurses and doctors. She had had the same general reaction when we toured the hospital room inside her orphanage. :(

After leaving the medical center we traveled to our hotel, Victory Hotel, on Shaiman Island in Gaungzhou. It is a historic European designed hotel built in 1895. The building is beautiful and the island has many shops, parks and restaurants including the "famous" Lucy's in the adoption world which serves many western and American style dishes. After settling in and freshening up we decided to take a little walk around. We were starving and headed to Lucy's to eat. Derek and I ordered the steak, pork chop and lamb chop platter to share and it was amazing! Tanner had the sirloin steak. Lily had rice and chicken congee. We all shared onion rings, French fries and veggies. We left completely stuffed!

We also stopped in a Christian shop on the island that sells many crafts and adoption related items where all the proceeds are used to help support local orphans and orphanages. It was a great shop and I picked out many wonderful gifts for both my girls and other family members :)

The rest of this week we will spend our last few days here in China and they will be filled with sightseeing and visa appointments, etc. while we prepare our kids to leave their home country. I am so excited and ready to go home, but the real loss that will also mean for Liliana is not lost on me. Though she may not realize yet, she will be starting all over again in just a few short days.

Over the last five days we have seen so many things change with Lily. She will now stand on her own and sit and play with toys and crawl over to what she wants to play with. She still makes almost know sounds other than to cry or laugh. Sometimes though when she is falling asleep she will mumble and make noises. She could be saying something, but with our very limited Mandarin it's hard to know.
Regardless of what physical struggles she may be having due to her circumstances or possible health challenges right now we know that she is just going to keep getting stronger. She is smart, sweet and full of joy! We are so thankful for the amazing little person that she is and can't wait to see how she continues to grow and blossom right before all of our eyes. She truly is a miracle and we are so blessed to call her our daughter :)

I will try to update my blog as I can while I am here. It is easier for me to remember things as they happen but so hard to get the time and a decent internet connection to update!
I will make sure that once I am back in the states I do an updated travel packing and tips blog for other families that are checking out this blog and may be traveling to China soon to get their son or daughter.

Thank you all for continuing to follow our story and for the many prayers and words of encouragement.
Love,
Jessy (and family)