Let me start from the beginning....pull up a chair, this one may take a while :)
This Tuesday was like any other Tuesday for the most part....kid's off to school, I went for my typical run, then a trip to the grocery, kid's back home from school, homework, made dinner, etc.
Little did we know what was coming on this "ordinary" night. It all started when Tanner brings me a "fortune" (yes, I know we seem to have alot of fortune cookies and related stories to those little pieces of paper tucked inside, but stay with me here! ;) that he saved from his treat at lunch. "Look at this mom", he says. "I kept this because look what it says!" This learn Chinese phrase simply said, "I live in America". I told him that was really neat and thanked him for bringing it home. I didn't really put that much emphasis on it except that it had meant something to Tanner who has been anxiously awaiting his little sister's arrival to our family.
About 10 minutes later I went into the office to work on some of my Continuing Education classes need for my RE license renewal - that was due on Friday nonetheless (man I am always behind on this stuff!!). I noticed that I had a private message waiting on Facebook so decided to take a second to check that before getting into the "studying" (this is how I get behind!!). The message was from a friend that we hadn't seen much lately and I was excited to see what she was writing me about. The message started like this: "this might sound and seem very odd, I felt the same way earlier, but I feel as though God told me to contact you."
Obviously I was intrigued and a little nervous! As I continued to read I was made aware of a girl who would be giving birth any day now (she was due last week!) and had decided to give the baby up for adoption. After having one family not work out she had decided maybe she would contact an agency to help her place the child, but our friend asked us if we would be willing to talk to this girl first.
Now I have to admit that when I read this tears started streaming down my cheeks immediately. I cannot even be sure that I know how to describe the emotions that I was going through. I was honored, humbled, scared, sad, excited, nervous and so many more things that I can't describe all at the same time. My thought immediately went to my daughter in China. I know that we have a daughter there (or will have) and almost felt like even thinking about talking to this girl was giving up on her. This is a child that we have spent the last 9 months working so hard to be able to bring home. A child that we pray every single day for as a family asking God to watch over her and her family. How could I turn my thoughts from her so easily? Then my head was filled with fear and doubt due to all the scary heartbreaking stories you hear about adoptive families having a new baby taken out of their arms when a birth mother changes her mind. And just fear of how to talk to someone about something so life changing as this. How do I tell someone that I would love and cherish and care for her child making her my own and giving her a forever loving family that she could flourish in? Would I be all that she wanted for her little baby girl? Would my family be good enough? Could we even take on a newborn?? We weren't expecting this - our Chinese daughter was going to be at least 10 months old and that is what we had prepared our hearts, minds and home for.
I called Derek into the office to have him read the email. Surely he would make quick sense of this and have the right answer - he always does! :)
As soon as he had read the email he looked at me and calm as could be said, "Give her your number so you can talk to her." My jaw almost hit the floor! How could he be so calm? So certain? But I did what he said.
As we began to talk about things we began to notice how we felt God had been pointing us to this and giving us confirmations. First, the "fortune" from Tanner..."I live in America". Not, "I will come to America" or "I am an American" or any other version of what it could have been. If you pair that with my last post's word of "Daughter" then it certainly is easy to see why we are starting to feel like God wanted us to know that our daughter lives in America - right now, just waiting on us to be united with her. When our friend heard God speak to her heart about us and putting us in contact with the birth mom she was obedient and even the fear of sounding crazy or getting a weird reaction out of us didn't deter her...she followed through with what she knew she was supposed to do. She was part of this plan and He relied on her obedience!
Okay, so we were convinced this was a meant to be meeting. Who gets contacted out of the blue about a baby about to be born to a mother who is desperately seeking the right family to place her with? We weren't on a list anywhere. We didn't seek out a newborn, but apparently God had this plan worked out despite what we thought we were going to be doing. That is not to say that we believe that it is no longer in the plan for us to adopt from China. God has led us so far in that process and took us through too many impossibilities in that situation for it not to be of Him. We don't know how or when our China adoption will be fulfilled or even if it is still God's will, but we do know that our obedience to follow the path that we feel God had led us on is what has ultimately led us here. We just have to wait on His perfect timing and apparently wait we will, for now. We have a new priority at hand it seems....
On Wednesday my girlfriend, Chrissy and I went out for lunch and shopping and I confided in her what was happening. It felt strange to even hear what was coming out of my mouth - it was just such an amazing story and possibility. Of course, Chrissy was incredibly supportive and excited as she has been throughout our entire adoption journey (she has also been steadily supplying me with girl's toys and clothing for months! ;). It really helped to ease my mind and feel more at peace after talking with her.
After arriving back home I go into the office to try and get some work done but can't stop thinking about this and wondering if I am going to get a call from this birth mom. Derek and I start talking about everything again and I get a text - it is her! She wants to know if we can talk. I tell her of course and wait for the call.
In the meantime, Derek and I worked feverously talking to attorneys, our social worker (from our international adoption) and a domestic adoption agency to figure out what were the next steps. Since we have never entertained a domestic adoption of a newborn we weren't really sure what to expect or if we could even do something like this so quickly. Knowing she was already overdue we imagined that we were fighting the clock to get everything into place if this was actually going to be a reality. After speaking to the professionals about what needs to be done we felt confident that this is something that we can physically accomplish. So we wait for the call.....
Hours go by and still no call. I begin to feel the overwhelming need to go to the Lord in prayer so I find a dark room where I can get away and fall on my face in prayer. As I pray I am asking God for guidance, for wisdom, for peace. I specifically ask Him to "hold my hand and make this a clear path for me to follow. I am so scattered and need Him to pull me together and take me step by step - I NEED signs and wonders that this is His will!!" Just then - literally just as I say this -my phone starts ringing and it is her...the birth mom!!!!
We will call her "M". M and I speak for about 45 minutes getting to know each other, talking about how the adoption would ideally work, what went wrong with the previously chosen family and how to move forward. And forward was the only way I wanted to move! I felt an instant connection with M. She was sweet, well spoken, very up front and honest about everything. You could hear in her voice that she truly only had one goal in mind and that was to find the best family for her unborn baby who she obviously cares deeply about. She let me know she had learned all about us, checked out our family pictures, talked to people who knew us, etc. We were the family she wanted. Praise God!
Within 24hrs. we had hired the attorney, authorized our social worker to convert our home study into a domestic format, contracted the adoption agency and sent in the necessary fees to move forward. By Thursday evening M had met with the agency and signed all the adoption paperwork identifying us as the adoptive parents assuring us she was ready to move forward with everything. The entire time M and I had been corresponding via text (I think I killed the battery on my iPhone 2 xs on Thursday :) and it felt like I had known her my whole life. Somehow I identified with her without really even knowing her. I couldn't help but wonder if she felt the same way about me? Had I lived up to her expectations? But only for God.....
In a final text on Thursday evening, M sends me the location and time of her doctor’s appointment the next day (Friday, Feb. 10th - MY BIRTHDAY!!!); so that we can meet and I can see my baby girl for the first time (on the ultrasound machine of course!). I blissfully feel asleep that night - God's peace surpasses all understanding because I would have never been able to calm down enough to sleep on my own!
On Friday morning I get up and am surprised by cards, singing and breakfast treats for my birthday before I head out the door for the appointment. I don't even remember the drive to the doctor's office - I think my brain is completely mush at this point! I meet M in the lobby, we embrace for a quick hug and I am amazed at how at peace I feel with her right away. It just feels right.....you know that feeling?
The first room we are led into after signing in to the doctor's office is the ultrasound room where we are greeted by a tech that begins showing us the baby girl in M's growing belly :) She quickly finds and shows us her heart - 4 perfect chambers beating at a healthy 154bpm! Next she points out the proof that she is a girl..."girl parts" she calls them on the screen. Next we scan for the face which is nearly impossible because of how low she is positioned and that she is looking backwards. Eventually she moves enough that we are able to watch her opening and closing her mouth, putting her hands in her mouth and some incredible shots of her profile - so clear! I feel like I know her and what she looks like already.....this is amazing!
Soon we move into another room to do the "stress test". While listening to the whoosh whoosh of our baby girl's heart beat we begin to talk and get to know each other better. Having had a very similar childhood as me, we certainly identify with each other easily. I can honestly say that I feel a true love for this girl who I have just met. I feel like I can understand her hurts and sorrows. I can see the fighter in her. The girl that can get knocked down, but gets right back up. She isn’t a "victim" of anything in life nor does she identify herself that way though she certainly could. She is a "survivor" and I can relate. I like this girl and feel honored to be sitting here with her and embarking on this incredibly amazing journey that will change all of our lives forever - for the better.....in the way that I believe it is supposed to be.
With the stress test over we now wait on the doctor to check her "progression" and see how much longer it may be before we have a baby! Once in the room and situated I stand up by her right shoulder and wait to hear what the doctor has to say. She measures her belly, "she is growing and getting big" she says :) Next she does the internal check, "70% effaced and 3cm dilated...oh and there is her head!" the doctor says. Are you kidding me??? Is this really happening??? (this is what I am thinking while trying not to start crying!)
The next question from the doctor: "Do you want me to strip the membranes? This might get things moving for you. You are certainly ready." M look over her shoulder to me and says, "Do you want her to? Are you ready?" I can hardly believe all of this is happening, but without hesitation I say, "Yes, I am ready!"
Since Tuesday evening I had been floating through my days in dream like state. It is really just too much for my brain to wrap around. Now I sit and wait for the phone call and/or text that M is heading to the hospital to give birth to who will be our baby girl.
While I know this is real life and I know that this is really happening I can't help but feel like some tuned my channel to the Lifetime or Hallmark network. Seriously! Who does this happen to.... I mean in real life?? I guess it happens to me. This is not what I asked for or even thought I wanted, but it is funny how God's plan supersedes what we can even imagine or dream. And funnier even still how God knows what we want and need long before we ever figure it out. If we can just lean on Him and truly put one foot in front of the other when He leads us regardless of fear of failure or rejection or hurt. If He has put us in it He will get us through it...one step at a time even if He has to carry us.
Praise God for M! Praise God for this unborn baby girl that I will soon hold in my arms and call my daughter! Praise God for all that He blesses us with in spite of my fears and failures.
Any day now I will be meeting this precious gift face to face. We serve a BIG BIG incredible God!We will certainly keep update thsi blog as soon as possible with new baby news - stay tuned and thanks for following us and praying for us in this journey! God bless :)
I want to end with the......My girlfriend, Chrissy, gave me a coffee mug 2 or 3 weeks ago and it had this scripture on it: JOURNEY "For I know the plans I have for you..." ~Jeremiah 29:11
Never have any words ever felt so true and truly meant for me.
WOW!! As the tears roll down my face, I'm so amazed, moved and thankful for getting to hear your "lifetime" show. We can't wait to meet your daughter! Praise God!
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