I can hardly believe that it has been a full week since our lives were forever changed by the birth of our miracle baby girl!
I really want to recount all the details of that event not only to share with everyone who has been following us on this journey, but also in an effort that as life happens I don't forget or mix up the details. So here we go........
Sunday morning, Feb. 19, 2012 Derek and I show up at the hospital at 7:50am for the 8:00 induction of the birth mom (M.) of our highly anticipated little princess that we now know as Gabrielle! I was as nervous as I had ever been about anything else in my entire life. I had not been able to sleep the night before for the anticipation of her birth! I was armed with my Dunkin' Donuts coffee though which was certainly helping to make me wide awake. Actually I am not sure that it was even needed because as much as I was nervous I was incredibly excited! I wanted to yell through the halls of the hospital that my daughter was being born today. It was another one of those strange moments where I felt certain I was relating more to fathers in an impending birth situation than the mother that I had been 3 times previously.
Just before 8:00am M. texted me to let me know they had just pulled in the parking lot. This is REALLY happening I thought! Derek and I held each other for a few minutes praying and comforting each other....it was a special moment. Calm before the storm.
M. stepped off the elevator with her mom. I had never met "grammy" before so this was a big first. We all embraced for hugs and a few tears and made our way toward the door for the family birthing area.
Once admitted in, M. was settled in to the bed and promptly hooked up to an IV to start fluid. Within the hour they had her hooked up to Pitocin and checked for progress. We couldn't believe that she was still only 3cm dilated! This may be a long wait we started to think. Every 1/2 hour or so they "turned up" the Pitocin so that by 12:30 she was getting a pretty steady high dose of the synthetic hormone. Contractions were coming and sometimes intense, but they were not any more regular and she was not progressing in her dilation either.
During this wait, Derek, grammy (M.'s mom) and I talked and kept busy on any one of the 6 or 8 technical devices we all had with us in the room ;) It was surreal...
Finally around 1:00pm the doctor decided that she wanted to break M's water and see if that would get us moving faster in the right direction. Shortly after her water was broken, M's contractions became stronger although not very regular still. She did decide after about an hour to go ahead and get an epidural. Around 3:00pm she started feeling like the contractions were getting painful lower in her abdomen so the nurse thought maybe she would need to check her bladder and/or call the anesthesiologist back up to make sure he didn't need to adjust her epidural.
About that time I noticed that with each contraction our baby's heart rate was dipping. It was only minutes after noticing that the doctor appeared in the room and was checking her vitals. I figured that the doctor must have been watching the monitor from the back room. Shortly after entering the room the doctor announced that she would like to check M's progress. She checked her and saw that she was now complete and the baby was coming!
Within seconds the room was full of nurses, equipment and lights was coming down out of the ceiling and the doctor was washing up! I kept thinking, "This is it!! Our daughter is coming!!!” I positioned myself up at M's shoulder with camera in hand. Contractions were coming hard and M pushed. The doctor told her on the next contraction that "we are going to have a baby"! Second contraction came and M pushed with all she had and baby Gabrielle was here! It had taken only 2 contractions and less than 10 minutes and here she was. She started crying right away...great sign! She was placed on M's stomach and cleaned up briefly, her umbilical cord clamped. As we had planned, the nurse handed me to scissors so I could cut the cord. I was shaking so badly and my eyes so full of tears that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do it. The symbolism of this moment was not lost on me, though. Here was our daughter still connected by a single cord to the woman who had carried her safe and sound for 10 months. The woman who was allowing me to cut that tie and begin a bond of my own to my daughter. The love and bond that M had desired for her baby girl all along.
After cutting the cord she was then taken straight over to the newborn warming station. She was measured, weighed, diapered and dressed and handed to her mom (which M. had made very clear already)..... Who was me :) I gazed at her briefly in my arms before handing her over to her "grammy" who was anxious to hold her grand-daughter. This had all unfolded in the delivery room in a matter of minutes and I just couldn't believe that she was here in our arms!
As soon as we could we had Derek come in the room (he had been waiting outside the door with his ear pressed to it for 20 minutes waiting on permission to enter!! :)As soon as he entered I could just see his heart was melting from his facial expression! He was crying almost immediately as he held his daughter in his arms for the first time. The first thing he said was, "Hi baby. I am your daddy and I love you." It was an amazing moment that will always be frozen in time for me. He looked at me and said, "Jess, she is perfect." It was almost a whisper - a thankful thought spoken out loud.
Within a few minutes the doctors were done working with M and we were allowed to go to her side. The first thing we did was hand her Gabrielle. It was so amazing to watch Gabby and M gaze at each other in those few moments. It was such an incredibly spiritual and emotional exchange...so full of peace and love that surpassed worldly understanding. Another moment I will never forget and look forward to trying to convey to Gabrielle when she is old enough to understand her life/birth story.
Most of the many hours of that afternoon and evening are a blur. We were all physically tired (most of all M!), emotionally spent and mentally exhausted. As soon as M was cleared to eat we knew we had to order a celebration dinner and that is exactly what we did! Our "angle on earth", Teena, had arrived at the hospital to visit so the four of us ordered a huge steak dinner and all the sides from Outback Steakhouse. Teena went to pick it up and we all ate in the hospital room together while recounting the amazing events of the last week and of the day. All during this time Derek and I were getting messages and phone calls of congratulations on our baby girl. I must have received at least 200 myself! It was reading all these messages, prayers and well wishes that propelled Derek and I through the next several days. I really felt that M was also getting an amazing boost from the very same messages. It was a confirmation for her that what she was doing was the right thing. She could see, hear and watch all the love that we are surrounded with. And when I say "we" I don't just mean me and Derek. I mean her, too. Most of my messages, texts and phone calls all included inquiries about the "birth mom". Our friends and family were concerned about her, too. They couldn't imagine how difficult of a decision this must be for her and truly cared to know how she was doing. I know this was the love of God, the light of Jesus coming out from these amazing people in our lives. I have always thanked God for all the amazing people in my life, but it was now that I realized how truly amazing they really are! I know that this had always been God's plan and that He had his people in place long before we knew what he was assembling us for and oh, what an realization it was. Praise God!
At around 7pm Sunday night our nurse came in to tell us that the hospital was going to be able to move us down the hall into side by side rooms and that Derek and I would be able to keep Gabrielle in our room! Within the hour we were moved to our new rooms. The hospital had even moved 2 beds into mine and Derek's room so he wouldn't have to sleep in the lounger! It was so incredible.
The 4 of us continued to stay up talking and visiting for several more hours that first night. Gabby was passed around and cuddled by each one of us. She was just so perfect! At around 2am we finally turned in for the night.....what an adventure that first day had been.
Monday morning came fast. It was a long tiring night for all of us. M was next door in her own room and being checked on every few hours (read: no sleep) while we were in our room and Gabby being cheeked on every 2 hours (read: no sleep). We stopped trying to nap around 7am and went ahead and got up and dressed for breakfast. It was really strange to be in the hospital with my baby and not be going through the physical discomforts and issues that typically come along with such an event. While I wasn't personally dealing with these things my heart did go out to M who was next door (hopefully resting!) and was dealing with all of those discomforts while adding the pain that no doubt she was experiencing both emotionally and physically from her decision to give her baby to us. I knew why she was doing it and I knew that she truly believed in her decision and her concern and love for her daughter's life obviously the driving force behind it, but I also knew that wasn't going to stop the pain that would surely engulf her at some point. Not knowing how to help her through that or even if I could was a terrible feeling.
Derek went down to get us breakfast shortly after 7am and though I really wanted to see how M was doing we decided to leave her alone in case she was able to get some sleep. We left our door open all morning in case she came out of her room and wanted to stop in to see us and/or Gabby. By 9am I was dying to invite her over, but still didn't want to bother her. After a little while of waiting and debating I finally just texted her and said to come on over if she wanted some company. A few minutes later she joined us in our room and stayed with us the rest of the day. That morning the photographers came in to take pictures of Gabby and we got to share in that together. We were both oohing and aahing over the adorable little poses they put her in and how angelic Gabrielle looked in each shot! It was so fun to share that moment together, too.
Derek, M and I settled in to our room and took turns holding and feeding Gabby while we talked about how we were feeling and how little sleep we had each gotten. Again a surreal moment......
By late morning, my sister-in-law Sarah, stopped by the meet Gabby and my boys and mother-in-law came in too. It was a very special time for all of us and it felt right to share that together with M. While everyone was visiting with Gabby; M, Derek, the boys and I played Apples to Apples right there on the hospital bed - Tanner had bought this special travel edition specially to bring to the hospital so we could play games there :) We would forever be a family now and I was so glad that my family was getting to meet her and spend time with Gabby's first mom. I knew how great M was and I wanted everyone else to meet her and see what an incredible person she was, as well. M also said she really wanted to meet everyone and enjoyed being a part of those moments. Everything felt so right and I knew God's hand was in every single detail!
Later that afternoon even our dear friend, Amber, stopped by to meet Gabby. She brought with her a HUGE card for baby Gabby that had been hand made by the girls in our "Club 56" (5th and 6th grade students) class that we teach at church. They then had the card signed the Sunday Gabby was born by our church family. She also brought with her a homemade lunch, magazines and book for M. She cares deeply for M, too and it showed. Amber embodies what it looks like to show the love of Jesus to people. We are so blessed to have her in our lives and I know M will be to know her now, too!
Around 3:30 that afternoon Cherie, from our adoption agency, stopped in to speak with us about how we were to proceed making arrangements for where Gabby would stay for the next 2 days.
Let me explain a little about how a domestic adoption works in the state of Ohio:
In our case we are doing an "Identified Adoption" that is "open". Those are 2 words associated with adoption that many people have heard, but few actually know what they really mean. They are actually very simple definitions. "Open" simply means that we know who the birth mother is and the birth mother knows who we are and that when our daughter is of age she can choose to contact the birth mother. It also means that the birth mother wants to be part of this child's life in at least some capacity - her desire is not to ever completely lose contact with her child. "Identified Adoption" means that the birth mother chose the adoptive family personally and that she is only giving the child up to live with that family (that would be us! :).
Even though we all have agreed to what type of adoption that we are doing there is a still a mandatory period of 72hrs AFTER the birth of the child before the birth mother can sign over a permanent surrender of her rights to her child. This paper also names us as the family that she is placing her with.
Since it was just Monday and we had to wait until Wednesday at 3:29pm to officially be Gabby's forever family that left quite a gap that we had to figure out what to do with. M had officially been cleared to leave the hospital by her doctor earlier that afternoon. Since she had a young child that needed her at home she really wanted to get home to him, but was torn because of the predicament that we were being left in. The original plan was that Derek and I would be allowed to stay in a room at the hospital with Gabrielle (they would officially assign her to a nurse in the nursery, but that nurse would have her stay in our care so we could have her in our room), but then the hospital became overbooked. They literally had more infants in special care than they could handle and by law had to send any additional infants needing to be admitted into the hospital to Children's to stay. Derek and I would not be allowed to stay with her at Children's. If M chose to stay another night then they would allow us all the share a room with Gabrielle, but once M left (since the paperwork couldn't be signed until Wednesday and they couldn't legally allow us to leave with Gabby) we would have to leave and Gabby would be relocated unless a spot opened up in the nursery and that was a big "but". We were all scared and didn't know what the next step should be. We talked for hours going over options and ideas that may or may not work....most were shot down by the hospital staff and/or our adoption agency because there were laws that we all had to follow.
Finally someone asked why couldn't M leave with Gabrielle (as long as baby Gabby was cleared to leave) and then hand her over to us after she walked out of the hospital. I mean even though paperwork had been signed indicating that we were to be the adoptive parents, M still had all the rights that any parent would have with their newborn baby.
M agreed this was a perfect plan! She would hand Gabby over for us to "watch" until she signed the paperwork on Wednesday. The adoption agency agreed this would work and now we just had to get the pediatrician at the hospital to 'release" Gabby. No one even knew if the ped was still at the hospital! In a mad rush the nurse hurried off to see if the pediatrician would agree and we all waited nervously.
In a few minutes the nurse was back and the doctor followed her in the room. With some stipulations they were going to agree to release our baby and let us all go home - we had only been in the hospital a little more than 36hrs. This was truly another miracle!!
In a hurry, M went back to her room to pack and get ready to go home. Teena, who had come back to the hospital that afternoon to check on all of us, went to help her and planned to drive her home. Derek and I quickly packed all of our stuff up, too and signed all the necessary paperwork with the nurse. Within a half an hour the nurse had M in a wheelchair (hospital policy for new mothers) with Gabby in her car seat on her lap and Teena and me taking care of carrying what we could and wheeling the cart full of everything else down to the main exit. Derek ran ahead to pull our car up to the front. I just could not believe this was really happening.
Once outside M handed the car seat to Derek so we could place her in our car. I just stood back and watched what was happening. It almost felt like I was looking in on someone else's life. I was so numb really. I couldn't have dreamed of a better outcome for our short stay at the hospital, but I also was sleep deprived, mentally and emotionally exhausted and really concerned for what this was doing emotionally to M. As a matter of fact, I don't think that I thought much about my emotional state pretty much the entire time we were there. Of course, I was and had been scared to death! There were so many factors in this equation and none of them were even a little bit under my control. I had worked for the last almost 2 weeks on giving it all over to God. Knowing that He was in control and that His will would be done. I had prayed every way I had known how. I had praised Him for his goodness and inconceivable blessings on our life, but I couldn't erase the concern that things could still go very differently than we had wanted. It was easier to just push that to the back of my mind and focus on M. I truly was concerned for her and had no doubt that she was carrying the much heavier emotional burden than I was so there was not much of a decision to put her first.
I watched tearfully as she started to lose control of her emotions and cry at seeing her baby girl put into our vehicle. She knew that this was it....she was really placing her child with our family. Even though she legally had 2 more days to change her mind, she knew she wasn't going to and it was difficult for her to make that final break. As we embraced in front of the hospital entrance, she cried and said she was "sorry" and that she had "tried to stay strong". It broke my heart. She was strong. Dear Lord, didn't she know how unbelievably strong she was? She was doing something the she knew was so right for her daughter and so right for her other children. Something that was not the easy way out of caring for this child, but was the most difficult road she could have taken and proved how much love she did have inside her. It is a decision that as a mother I cannot even imagine having to make and one that I am not sure I would have ever been strong enough or selfless enough to do. Here stands the most selfless, strongest woman I maybe have ever known in my life in front of me and she is apologizing to me. "Please Lord tell her who she is - tell her how loved she is - she is your precious child!"....this kept going running through my brain over and over as we stood there telling her goodbye......for now.
Of course, the next couple of days at home were magical for our family. We were holding a little miracle in our arms. She was a miracle in so many ways! My how our world had turned upside down in just a matter of days! Only God could have orchestrated something so miraculous, something so incredible and is such a short amount of time with so little effort or control from those of us involved. We were just so in awe.
As our 72hr deadline approached and we were to meet to sign all the final paperwork at the adoption agency on Wednesday afternoon. As we drove there I became extremely nervous. I knew that legally she could change her mind and walk out of that meeting with our baby girl in her arms. I was so in love with our little Gabrielle and my heart was breaking at the thought that was even a possibility. I prayed most of the way there for myself and for M. I could only imagine what she must be going through as she was signing the paperwork to relinquish her rights forever to her child.
Once we arrived we were escorted into a room to wait for the director, Cherie, who was finishing up with M in another room. Once they were done she was going to come over and meet with us to sign our side of the documents. I am pretty sure I had at least 4 fingernails completely chewed off by the time Cherie made it to our room. She entered the room with a smile and announced, "Everything is signed and it went very well." I immediately yelled. "Praise God!" and hugged Derek. She was our little girl - legally!
We went through signing the stack of papers and got to the paper that says, "You were born Sunday, February 19, 2012 and your birthmother named you, Gabrielle Elaina at birth. You stayed in the hospital for 1 day and were released with your mommy and daddy on Monday, Feb. 20, 2012. Your mommy and daddy and big brothers are so happy! The day you went home with them was a very special day for all of them, because you were finally with your FOREVER FAMILY!".....that is when it was real to me! That was the paper that got me. Let me explain;
M had the ability to name Gabby anything she wanted at birth. She fills out the info for her birth certificate and then we have to change that at finalization - that is typically how it goes. M chose to name her baby girl what she already knew I had told her I wanted to name her. She stated to our adoption agency that she "did not want to take that away from her parents". In addition, the reason that we had to wait so long (allowing me to get through 4 fingernails while waiting!) was because when M arrived to sign the documents she noted that our baby's name was not spelled correct on the forms. The agency had mistakenly given Gabrielle the birth mother's last name because that is how it is "always" done. They didn't understand that when M filled out the paperwork in the hospital for her baby girl, she had not only given her the name I had told her I would name her, but she also gave her our last name. Her original birth certificate names her as Gabrielle Elaina TYE!!!!!! M could have done this any other number of ways and this is how she chose to do it. Even asking the agency to correct the mistake before signing so that everything would read the way it was supposed to in her file. I can't tell you the number of times I have cried as I have thought about and understand what kind of a person it takes to do the things that M has done. I am so blessed to even know this girl let alone be part of her family and bonded the way we are forever. I feel so undeserving to be part of a love like this on earth. It is something so heavenly - it is hard to describe with words...impossible I think.
I write this blog as I sit her in my home watching my beautiful baby girl on her monitor while she is safe and fast asleep in her crib. I often look at her and think, "how did we get here?" and "why did God bless us so richly?” I am just in awe of how merciful, generous and loving God is even when I am so undeserving - even while I am lacking in faith he blesses me beyond our wildest dream! I could never thank M enough for trusting us to be the parents of this precious baby girl. I could never thank Teena enough for listening to what God laid on her heart and putting M and my family together so that we could go on this journey. Even though I know I can't "repay" what God has done in our lives I know that God knows my heart and He knows that I desire more than anything to please Him and raise our daughter, and our boys, to live for Him. To love others even when they don't love you back, to give of your time, money and talents for His kingdom...for more people to know His love. I pray every day that God gives me the wisdom to do what is best for my children. Now that He has blessed us with another child I am really going to need more wisdom!
I am also so thankful for all the amazing people in our lives that have supported and continue to support us on this journey. We knew we were surrounded by amazing people, but I could have never imagined how amazing you all really were. You have shown a love beyond yourselves. A love that is of God....its service and compassion and grace. A love that is in response to witnessing a miracle of God - a miracle we know as Gabrielle Elaina Tye. What a blessing to be able to turn to the page every day and see how this will unfold into the story He wants to tell through her life. We are so blessed to be a part of that!
Matthew 18:5
"And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me."
This scripture is so fitting....it brings to mind for me the way God must feel about all of you as you have embraced this child and this journey that we are on together! Blessings :)
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